Changing your lifestyle is more then just changing the habits you've gotten into, it needs to change from the foundations. Come and watch as I shake the foundations of my life and build myself back up into the person I need to be!
Hey! I'm the one who writes the blog! Yup, that is me over there - the fat one! With shocking taste in clothes too I might add! At this point in my life I was still under the delusion that I was small - I still thought of myself as my 47kg 21yo self, rather then the" 70kg housebound freak wearing clothes two sizes too small " that I was! I was just about to hit obese, I sat right on that borderline and honestly - I had probably been over it and back a few times.
I have spent so much of my life 'skinny' that I rarely checked the scales. I knew I was going up in clothing sizes - I wore 12's, had some 14's but the 16's were my comfy clothes. In other words, I was a size 16 in denial! But it never really clicked that I was 'fat' - unattractive even. Okay, I know my face isn't pretty but I always had my body - I was always the skinny one, the little one, the tiny one. It was my identity, my self esteem. I had nicknames like pocket rocket, mighty mouse - I was small but was strong!
Then my life changed. I wasn't so strong anymore. I started getting panic attacks that went undiagnosed for about 6mths - by which time I was agorophobic, essentially housebound. I lost weight, quickly, weight I couldn't afford to lose. This wonderful picture was taken only a few months after I had my first child. I don't know what I weighed but I know I was 43kg when I went for my first pregnancy weigh-in at 6wks.
I started using food to medicate myself, hungar feels like a panic attack so I had to make sure I was never hungry. Food was also one of my rewards as I 'got better'. I would walk to the shop and pick up an icecream or chocolate bar and coke. I had never worried about what I was eating before so why would I start now? It wasn't until 10yrs later, when I saw that photo of me up the top of this page that I realised I had to do something. I started my journey then, interspersed with marital problems, moving cities, getting my degree, and raising my kids. It has been a long journey, slow going at times, faster at times, and sometimes it just seems to go backward! But I keep pushing. It is so worth it!
And now a new chapter to my journey. After getting married and a few years of stressing and stalling, I've suddenly realised I am now obese. At 72.2kg, I can only blame a continuous cycle of quitting and starting smoking, which kind of reflects my attitude to fitness and health - quitting and starting. And just about everything in my life at the moment! I start, I quit.
So now this blog is going to be about my journey forward. Not getting back to where I was, but finding a new balance with health, fitness, family and work. I need to find direction, a goal, something to aim for!
And for now, just not being obese seems like a great start!