About Me!

Hey!  I'm the one who writes the blog!  Yup, that is me over there - the fat one!  With shocking taste in clothes too I might add!  At this point in my life I was still under the delusion that I was small - I still thought of myself as my 47kg 21yo self, rather then the" 70kg housebound freak wearing clothes two sizes too small " that I was!  I was just about to hit obese, I sat right on that borderline and honestly - I had probably been over it and back a few times. 

I have spent so much of my life 'skinny' that I rarely checked the scales.  I knew I was going up in clothing sizes - I wore 12's, had some 14's but the 16's were my comfy clothes.  In other words, I was a size 16 in denial!  But it never really clicked that I was 'fat' - unattractive even.  Okay, I know my face isn't pretty but I always had my body - I was always the skinny one, the little one, the tiny one.  It was my identity, my self esteem.  I had nicknames like pocket rocket, mighty mouse - I was small but was strong!

Then my life changed.  I wasn't so strong anymore.  I started getting panic attacks that went undiagnosed for about 6mths - by which time I was agorophobic, essentially housebound.  I lost weight, quickly, weight I couldn't afford to lose.  This wonderful picture was taken only a few months after I had my first child.  I don't know what I weighed but I know I was 43kg when I went for my first pregnancy weigh-in at 6wks. 
I started using food to medicate myself, hungar feels like a panic attack so I had to make sure I was never hungry.  Food was also one of my rewards as I 'got better'.  I would walk to the shop and pick up an icecream or chocolate bar and coke.  I had never worried about what I was eating before so why would I start now?  It wasn't until 10yrs later, when I saw that photo of me up the top of this page that I realised I had to do something.  I started my journey then, interspersed with marital problems, moving cities, getting my degree, and raising my kids.  It has been a long journey, slow going at times, faster at times, and sometimes it just seems to go backward!  But I keep pushing.  It is so worth it!

And now a new chapter to my journey.  After getting married and a few years of stressing and stalling, I've suddenly realised I am now obese.  At 72.2kg, I can only blame a continuous cycle of quitting and starting smoking, which kind of reflects my attitude to fitness and health - quitting and starting.  And just about everything in my life at the moment!  I start, I quit.

So now this blog is going to be about my journey forward.  Not getting back to where I was, but finding a new balance with health, fitness, family and work.  I need to find direction, a goal, something to aim for! 

And for now, just not being obese seems like a great start!



1 comment: