Thursday, September 30, 2010

Week 2 (Day 11) It's not working.

The kicks up the bum I've been giving myself that is!

I am writing this at nearly 11pm at night.  I have only stopped to go to bed.  I woke at 8am after being at uni until 11.30pm last night.  I got dressed, took kids to childcare, got to uni, found out my experiments are stuffed, I have to redo my last one (so the last week of work has been a waste). I met up with a friend I haven't seen in 6mths for a few hours and then had to rush to meeting with supervisor. Got home at 4pm and sat at the computer and havne't budged.
Today I have eaten:
special K with milk and cuppa tea
half a small fried rice
a be natural muesli bar (120cals)
a weight watcher potato bake thing
a peice of crumbed fish (small and diet type)
weight watchers icecream sundae (100cals thereabouts)

oh, and half a new type of cherry ripe bar...

I'm not even gonna bother calorie counting it.
I didn't exercise either.

On a plus the scales had me at 57.8kg this morning which puts me at exactly 1kg lost in 2 weeks.

I'm not happy though - i'm eating crap and not sticking to plan.. I don't see the stress getting any better either!  I will plan better tomorrow though and will see if I can turn this around!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Week 2 (Day 10) Distractions

So this is it.

Today is the day I must choose.
I can see myself veering off the path I am on and I need to acknowledge that and get back on that path before I get sucked in the downward spiral.

It started with the chocolate the other day, and then the pizza. 
And then yesterday I was fine until dinner again - double servings for me, PLUS a red mars bar.  AND I didnt' do my exercise.

Now, I am stressed.  Really stressed.  I am tired.. so tired, but am having trouble sleeping.  My Honours is taking me into some weird hours- I was up till 11pm last night, had to be at the lab from 7.30am to 12noon this morning.  I need to go back at 10.30pm tonight for an hour, and then again tomorrow from 9am to noon.  But then that is it until next week.  But I have about 40pages of my Thesis to write up in the next few weeks. 

I feel so overwelmed with what I have to do.  I am concerned because I've lost faith in my supervisor in how he is instructing me to do my research, especially with the statistics and some of the writing aspects as well.  I need to go over his head and talk to someone now, before it is too late, and that is scary!  I am so late in getting me results, the other two students are way ahead in their progress.. I am worried, scared and stressed.  I don't know if I can do this.

The house is a mess, the kids are not being looked after properly as I am relying on my partner to do most things (who would have thought I would have to explain to him that the kids really do need to brush their teeth each night!), and I just feel like everything is falling down around me - including me.

I will go for my run tonight - I damn well need the stress relief.

I may stray off the path but I will acknowledge it when I do, and I will move back onto my path!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Week 2 (Day 9) Confessions

Do I need to confess?

Well, I need to be accountable to myself and the purpose of the blog is to share my journey and that journey includes the internal battles that go on.  So now I shall open up my life and share some horrid things I did last night!!

My neice came to visit last night!  I haven't seen her in two or three years and she now has a little girl who is two.  Dave decided to get pizza take-out (he misunderstood me saying 'pizza night!') which I figured was okay as I hadn't had snacks so the 380cals for a biggest loser pizza was bareable. All went fine... I had nibbled at a few chocolate shavings but nothing constituting anything of substance - more a tasting.  I was happy with my pizza.. I ate it and it was so delicious!  And then I got the 'keep eating' urge that I always get but this time.. there was pizza in front of me and I indulged.  I had a peice (albeit a small one) of meatlovers pizza, and then followed it with two peices of garlic bread.  I decided against the spirte figuring I had better not push the limits too far!  I reckon I ate an extra 500 calories on top of the 380cals I had allowed for dinner.  Now, I had had special K for breakfast with low fat milk, half a serve of yogurt with blueberries for morning tea, and an egg and lettuce sandwich for lunch, two cuppa teas, and a hot chocolate (the 60cal type).  So all up I didn't blow out too bad, probably more a 'call it even' day, but I have lost the opportunity to lose more weight!

I got cocky - I know I hit 58.0kg on the scales that morning and lo and behold I 'deserve' a treat, or 'it doesn't matter, I know I've lost some'. 

On a more positive note, I did my 'quick' 20min run last night and got my 1km time down to 6:39 as the average.  Need to shave a bit more off though... I need to practice running at 6mins per kilometer if I am going to get a 5k in 30mins!

Food diary:
two x cuppa tea
going for some special K now... (late breakfast!)

Monday, September 27, 2010

Week 2 (Day 8) Competition

The forum for the 12wbt is an awesome resource.  It allows connection and support.  A sense of family prevails with encouragement, knowledge, and motivation in bucket loads.  But along with it comes one of my weaknesses.  A sense of competition and jealousy.  This is a side of myself I have battled with for years, probably based somewhere in fear - fear of social rejection, fear of failing, fear of anything and everything!  It also seems to extend into the feeling of 'If I can't do it perfectly then why do it at all' because, afterall, if I am not the best then surely I am failing?

So I read how someone has burnt 2000 or 3000 calories in a session and I immediately think 'okay, well that has to be over a few hours!'  which it probably is, but why can't my first thought be 'wow that is awesome'.  Maybe it is because I can't 'see' the person and feel that emotional connection, but in all honesty, its because I feel inadequate.  It shatters my own sense of success when I hear of others succeeding in much better style then myself.  I haven't managed numbers anywhere near that. 

I tell myself different things to ease my feeling of inadequacy - 'slow and steady wins the race' 'they must be bigger and less fit then me so they burn more calories' 'they mustn't have work or study to get done' or even 'maybe they are fiddling the numbers or doing it over a few hours or something!'  Anything to face the reality that they are just doing more then I am because they have chosen it and I haven't.

Why didn't I choose it?  I only have 8kg of fat to lose (add in some muscle in there though so it will probably only be 6kg all up) so I don't need to pull huge numbers.  I don't want to burn myself out by pushing too hard.  I don't want to set myself up to fail by expecting too much of myself when I already have a lot of other commitments.  And I dont' even know if it is possible for me, as I am already quite fit, to burn that many calories in an hour or two.

I should be, and will be, happy with the numbers I pull for myself.  I am the only one on my journey, the only one in my body, living my life.  It is up to me to choose what is right for me at this time in my life and I am not 'comparable' to anyone else.  So stop comparing and just do what you need to do.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Day 7

And week one ends on a mellow note!

Food diary:
Special K with LSA and physical Milk
all-natural muesli bar (100cals)
minestrone soup plus a peice of w/grain bread
yogurt with blueberries and strawberries
handful of bbq chips (120cals)
Prawns are marinating at the moment for dinner

Exercise - incidental only (54 stairs up and down twice! and walking around uni to lab and carpark)

I've finally got to the point where I have to focus on my lit review.  The stress is sufficient that I must do it and do it now!  I need to hand it in for editing on Friday but I also wanted my results page done by then also so Thursday is now my cut off day!  I've spent today fixing up a lot of what I have which has been great but tonight I am going to attack some new territory!  I have a busy week ahead so need to get as much done as possible tonight!  I'm gonna do some planning for the week now and then get back into it!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

It's a Super Saturday... FLOP!

Normally, right now, I would posting about my adventures learning to swim but alas today is a flop.  It is POURING, not just raining... POURING!  So I took the opportunity to get out early for my grocery shop which is always a good thing given the overcrowding at our local shopping centre on a Saturday morning!  Being early and raining meant it was 'normal' at 9am but my 10am, by gosh it was getting busy!  So glad to be heading out and not in, at that time!

So I don't know if my run will be on this afternoon, storms are predicted so I figure it will only get worse.  I might just get in and do some sparkpeople 10min cardio vids and see how I go (the jumping one is a killer!)!

Now, due to rain, I've been unable to get my 1km time trial done so I am going to do what I should have done anyway (because it is more in line with my goals) and take my mins/km run speed from my last run from runkeeper.  It breaks up my run into each kilometer and the time it took to run it which is really convenient for this!  In the absence of a better option I feel this is what I shall have to do!

On a brighter note... scales this morning said 58.2kg!  whoo whoot!

Food Diary:
egg on toast
yogurt (1/2 serve) with blueberries and strawberries!
jarrah hot chocolatte with about 30mL of physical milk added
wrap with corn relish, lettuce, 40g chicken, leftover cottage cheese, 1 roma tomato and some lebanese cucumber.
billabong icecream (80cals.. wtf?  Awesomeness)
ministrone soup is cooking for dinner tonight (via slow cooker)!
.... which I have now eaten with a piece of parmasan bread (aka sizzler bread!).
another hot choc and a mini tin of baked beans at about 10pm as I was up watching a movie!

Exercise.. I ended up going for my run as the rain had eased to spitting by 4pm.  I did the 45mins minimum recommended for today and managed a nice 6km in that time!  I just cruised along today too so I am pretty impressed... 374 calories burnt in 47mins!

Friday, September 24, 2010

My adventures in Yoga!

And what an adventure it was.

I decided to stick with the program and do light exercise on Fridays - Yoga.
Flexibility is one of my goals - I love that feeling of freedom that comes from movement, and if you aren't flexible.. there ain't much movement going on!  I used to be able to do the splits and cartwheels and kick my leg a mile in the air but alas, I now cannot even cross my legs.

My adventure began early today with a trip to BigW to pick up a cheap yoga pack - dvd, mat, block, and belt.  I have to say, surely there could have been an option other then pink???  Needless to say, before I adventure into a public setting for my yoga, I will be updating with the stuff I have seen at kmart I think, which as a nice 'greenie/ethical' feel to it, in both style and substance (though I will check this as often stuff advertised as 'green or ethically produced' is just a marketing scam!).  $30 later I head home.

I throw the dvd in the computer, mat on the floor, block and belt in hand and begin.  Sit comfortably they say - ummm... first obstacle.  Remember a few sentence back when I said I couldn't cross my legs.. I meant it!  So 'comfortable' was one leg out, one leg bent.  That was fine until the next move - lift you left foot onto your right thigh.. umm... nope, not gonna happen.  I did my best.

The next move however.. lie on your side, knees bent, arms out, bring one arm up and over your body and, while keeping hips facing sideways, try and rest your shoulder blade to the ground.  The instructor reassured me that this is something to aim for and that I might not achieve.  Well, lo and behold, I breathe, relax and easily find the pose.  Quite a few came very easily, some not so easily.  My back is very flexible it seems, but hips/upper legs are not. 

I would like to sit cross-legged without my knee being up at shoulder level (my left knee really does sit up that high! my right is fine!).

I got through the half hour and really enjoyed it.  Some of the poses were quite hard, but it was so wonderful to find that some of them I could do, even if I did have to work at it!


Eating to plan.. mostly!  I think I had an extra serve of yogurt and berries yesterday because I was hungry before bed.

I am down today - my eldest son had a bad morning (which I have conveniently blamed on their father who decided to let them have a late night last night) and I just haven't recovered.

I bought a yoga dvd and topped up the shopping so I am off to do my yoga before have grape and chicken salad.. mmmmm interesting!

Hopefully the day gets better without me having to resort to chocolate!

Food diary today:
special K w/ strawberries and blueberries
yogurt w/strawberries and blueberries
cuppa tea
chicken, grape, feta and walnut salad
Lasagna (used 100g extra meat, one less pasta sheet and only a tiny bit of parmasan cheese)
one red mars bar (sob sob)
small tin of baked beans.

30mins yoga

Edit at 1.15pm - Day is not getting better - had to pick up children from care as eldest was not able to co-operate with staff.  Little ones are in cleaning their room, eldest is sulking in lounge with no tv, x-box or computer.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

That was my dinner tonight - chicken with tarragon and mustard sauce.. and Dessert!

Well, only one of them is for me.. one each for the family!  And the kids had icecream with their's!
(Okay, the apple dessert was waaaay too sweet and I could only eat half of it.  And I had a peice of strawberry liquorish (sp?) instead!)

DAY-4 Toning Day

Whoo hooot!

Just done my work-out - 150cal and some muscles built up.
Went to the shops this morning and picked up some more running shorts for the hot weather that will eventually get here when the rain goes away, some nice white sandshoes (nothing like white to show off an awesome set of legs with a nice (fake) tan!), and some shorts for the kids.
(lol shhhh - but the shorts for the kids are because I have run out  thanks to the rain!  Hopefully I won't have to run out to buy them more undies tomorrow! lol)

Food so far.. special k for breaky (had to use fall-fat milk coz I ran out of my low fat milk!)
Be natural honey and nut bar - about 100cals I think???

Lunch is cauliflower soup which I am heating up now!  Oh, I picked up a stick blender too - makes a huge difference to the cauliflower soup!    Creamy..... mmmmm!

I really feel like my entire life is changing!  I am eating food I would never dream of.. I'm exercising everyday with this wonderful vision of a flat, bikini ready stomach... I know it is only the beginning, but man, you know, it's those first steps - the anticipation, the fear, the excitment, the knowing it is gonna happen, knowing you're gonna have to work it at, but just KNOWING it is gonna happen!

ahhh!  I am soo excited!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


58.7kg (-100g)

Off to a great start today!

Special K for breakfast
Lunch is packed:
Yogurt yum!
apple eaten just after my run - have an hour to wait till dinner!
Beef, avocado, tomato, lettuce.... oh no!  I forgot the mustard!
Looks like it will be a quick trip home for lunch!  Bugger!
Mountain Bread, cottage cheese, and cucumber all packed as well. OMG - soo yummy!  Unbelievable!  that was the yummist thing ever!
and my cool Bottle of water ( )
Dinner - I just need to buy the yogurt for my cauliflower soup.  Grabbing the yogurt when I pick up the kids from care!  No phone calls today!  Yippee!
(Gosh that sounds awful doesn't it?  Apparently the reports in state that it tastes fantastic! Odd!)
Not sure how great my cauliflower soup is going to turn out!  I realised that I don't have a 'large pot' large enough so I have to use my slow cooker - I cooked up the small ingredients in the pot but then added the 4cups of stock and tipped it into the slow cooker and added the cauliflower and the rest of the stock.  Just gotta hope that the cauliflower gets soft enough!

5k run is tonight for exercise   oh .. I think I am getting shin splints.. the bone of my shin is aching when I run.  I might head to the podiatrist if it doesn't get better over the next two days!  I couldn't find my HRM so went without it, but according the Runkeeper I burnt 350calories!

My chest is aching from all those push-ups yesterday though!  Killer!

Study wise... I am doing up my results today and will have a first run of the results section by Monday!
And I will be doing my section of my lit review over the same time frame!

To all my readers.. .you so totally rock!

I am thinking of doing a video thing but not sure what to say... should I or shouldn't I?????

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Day 2

Good morning everyone!

Plan for today.. make up my exercise deficit from yesterday, do my first 'strength session' and do my fitness test.

AND... do some kitchen planning!

4pm I need to go in to do my counts and will be busy for a few hours so I need to 'diarise' for today!

So the Plan for today:

10am Breakfast (apple and cinimon porridge - a bit yukky, added golden syrup but didn't help - I don't like porridge made with water even if I add milk after)
Lunch: Corn relish and ham wrap (I have the ham and ingredients ready to go)
Snack: yogurt
Dinner: Chargrilled beef with avodcado and corn salsa (beef is out to defrost)
Supper:  baked beans
Snack:  a mandarin will be with me at all times for munchies!

Now:  print out the menu for tomorrow done!

At 11am I will do my strength training Took me half an hour to prep up my area and get going.  For the 10min warm-up run I swapped it for 10min cardio kickboxer vid on sparkpeople, I did 20 skips between each rep, and did a 3min skip instead of the power 800m run at the end.  The stretches were too long and I shortened them to 30secs each.  I only made 10 and 20secs on my two attempts at a plank which was a bit disappointing but otherwise I blasted the intermediate level - I should move up to the harder level by 4 weeks!  \Time for lunch now! (and lots of water!)  200calories burnt!

After lunch: bake some muffins for kids   all done - and I didn't lick the bowl!  time for a shower!

At 3pm I will do my fitness test  Done, but I stuffed up the 1km run because my Runkeeper stuffed up and told me 1km when it was only .5km!  I will re-do later in the week when the rain calms down!

At 4pm I will ride my bike into uni to do my counts (with my HRM on)  that should take care of my extra cardio.  Having to cancel this due to RAIN, RAIN, and more Rain!

5.30 i will cook dinner for 6pm! (yum yum yum, had to have some extra salad and I will for sure need my baked beans before bed!)

Monday, September 20, 2010

Boom Crash Burn

That, my dear friends, is the sound of me failing.  Miserably.

Today started off with jumping from my bed at 6.30am suddenly remembering that I was meant to subculture bacteria at 10.30pm so that I could do my assay at lunch time today.  So all my plans for today are out the window.  I had to race in to uni in the car and subculture at 7am, then realised that I would need the car for the day because, although I could have, I was too stressed to pack my lunch for the day and figured I would need to come home for a nap.

So the morning went great, I took the kids to the holiday care and headed straight to uni.. I worked like a demon and popped home for a yogurt and to pick up my usb (thank goodness I did have the car as a really really needed it).  I got a good amount of work done and arranged to do my assay at 9pm tonight - but a need to get a part for the centrifuge and person who has it never emailed me back!

I came home at lunch and had my wrap as per the plan and then had an hours break, after which I was going to have my nap before picking up the kids, doing my run and heading back to uni.

But at 2pm or so I got a call from holiday care letting me know that my eldest was misbehaving and having issues with his friend so I need to pick them up... so there goes my nap.  DH got home around 3.30 so I said hello and headed off my nap then... and a friend turns up at the door.  In the meantime, I realise I hadn't heard from the person about the part from the centrifuge so at 5pm I rushed into uni hoping to catch her there but there is no sign of her.  Thankfully I find the keys so I can get to the downstairs centrifuge - not fun at 10pm at night in a deserted uni campus! 

Anyways at this point it is getting dark and is still wet from the rain so the run went out the window.  I started making up my pizza and after I put the ricotta on I just threw the spoon, burst into tears, and went to maccas and got myself something to eat. 

I was so angry and the person I could take it out on was myself.

'When I feel  stressed, bad food makes me feel better'

It does a little bit.  I feel much calmer now.  Well, a little I guess. I guess it was like punching a brick wall - a way to hurt myself to release the stress.  I don't know.  I chose it, I was conscious of what I was doing - made excuses to myself the whole way 'see I am so stressed I am going to maccas'.  I want something bad to happen so everyone can see how stressed I am.  I am so angry with myself for forgetting to go in last night and subculture.  I am angry that the centrifuge that is right behind me isn't available to use and I have to arrange to get the part from downstairs or take my stuff down there!  I am angry that my supervisor didn't tell me that I am only meant to use the centrifuge on Tues and Wed so I got the 'not impressed' email from the one lecturer whom I really respect and adore.  I am so annoyed that I am sitting here, with 4weeks to hand in my thesis and I still dont' have results. I am sooo annoyed that my supervisor is so relaxed and is letting everything just be 'okay' and happen 'whenever'.  It doesn't work like that!  If he had of got his act together and been prepared then he would have known that the cells take a week to culture.  I'm annoyed he isn't letting me do the lab work I want to do and is controlling everything so I can't do stuff and then leaves me to clean up the mess when I have to try and do two assays at once.  Grrrrrrrrrr!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

My Honours - Priorities

So peeps, how many hours do we need to set aside just for the 12wbt challenge?

An hour a day for exercise?  An extra half hour in meal preparation?  Maybe an hour added onto the weekly shopping time to find new products and print out recipes?

So why is it taking up ALL of my time?  Why am I checking my blog three or four times a day?  Why am I spending at least an hour reading other peoples blogs?  Why am I checking the forums CONSTANTLY when I know they don't get that many new posts in a half hour?

Because I am PROCRASTINATING!  Yup, I mentioned it in a previous post but I never followed through with my commitment.  I've had distractions but that is just an excuse.  No more time for excuses so I am going to spend this morning doing some planning, move back into my uni office and get my arse moving so I can complete this with first class - something I KNOW I am able to acheive given my abilities, but something that I am not sure I have the DETERMINATION AND COMMITMENT I need to acheive it.

I've wasted enough time already.  Organise and Diarise is now the mission - I can only go to the forums once a day, in the evening, when I have acheived my work goals.  At 5pm my exercise slot begins - I need to have my work completed by then, and then I can come and blog my acheivements, log my food, and browse the forums.  then I need to spend time with my children and plan the next day once they are asleep! 

Off I go!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Swimming Lesson No 3

Well today sucked!

I rode my bike in and I must have been worn out - I think only 2 laps I made it the whole way and I was so upset with myself.  I'm gonna have to join up so I can practice more often.

Important Numbers though...

My first super saturday....

in 2hrs I have done 30mins bike, 1hr swimming and 30mins bike.
A whopping 633calories!

And I still have my run to do later today!


Went for my run and it was fantastic!  Seemed so easy after the last week of building up.

42mins inc. 5min warm-up walk. 7.64km/hr avg speed
HRM: 46mins and 342 calories

So total it up and todays Cal out = 975.  Damn close to 1000cal for the day!

Friday, September 17, 2010


Taken this morning at 10.45am:

So this is the scary before pic.  The scariest thing is that I have gone to the beach with that body and that bikini (albeit with shorts on!).  I am mostly not happy with my stomach.  My arms stick out because they can't go straight down thanks to a podge of fat to the side of my boobs (my boobs missed out big time!).  My legs are fine though the top part is getting a little icky.  I would love to get rid of the double chin and chubby cheeks too!

The top of my arms are a bit on the chubby side.  But looking at the side-on you can see the tummy problem.  The back rolls are hidden behind my arms though!

Oh gosh.. I my legs are weird arent' they?  lol I might go see that podiatrist!

OH.. important numbers... 155cm tall and 59kg

Yesterday.. the 16th of September 2010

Food Diary..

Oats with LSA and honey for breakfast
2 or 3 cuppa teas
a banana!  (first one in 13yrs!)
2 boiled eggs with a bit of salt and pepper
1 hot cinnamon donut
3 pcs of KFC chicken and some potato and gravy (eww)
a cup of pepsi
mandarin before bed
plenty of water

I rode to work in the morning, ran up the stairs to the third floor, then ran down again and rode home.
Probably about 100-200cals burnt but not sure becuase I FORGOT my hrm!  Unbelievable!
Also had to walk to school and back to pick up my son - again I forgot my hrm.  It's only about 2ks and easy going so I will say about 100cals again.

Wasn't real happy with the KFC but oh well, the donut was pretty bad too!  At least I kept to a reasonable serving and moderation is the key!

Off now to pick up a tv week for my swimsuit shot!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

What have I done?

Oh crap!

I can tell you now, my arse is so sore!

Yup, I bought a bike.  Last night, $99 at K-Mart, took me an hour to put together. The kids love the box...

I took it for a quick spin last night and realised in abotu 30secs that it has been a very very long time since I last rode a bike! I am a bit wobbly and unco-ordinated but I will practice.

This morning I decided to head into the lab early to get my plates put away and rode the bike in (about 2-3kms) which seems easy enough.  Of course, I forgot the hill.  So yes, I walked that 50m!  The damn thing has gears too so course I seemed to have it set to 'kill your thighs' which although painful, should surely help achieve my goals!  It was so nice getting out and about in the morning but I wish I had of remembered to throw on my HRM, I reckon a good 100cals were burnt in that short trip there and back (including running (quite slowly) up the stairs to my third floor lab!).

Hopefully we will be able to do more bike riding as a family now - D is going to buy himself a bike too while they are cheap and we can take the bikes to places like the riding course at the PCYC and the local bike ride pathways!

So now I am all geared up for a novice triathlon - I can run, I'm learning to swim, and I have a bike!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

15th September 2010

Food Diary for today:

oats and honey with LSA and some cinamon on top!
3 cuppa teas
forme strawberry yogurt
chicken and salad sandwich (with cheese) on multigrain
chicken and cashew stirfry (kantong packet mix) with brown rice
I will probably have something later as well!


5.42km includes 5min warm-up walk - 41.12 mins
HRM says a nice 361 kcals burnt away!

My Graduation Day

I am not doing a food diary today yesterday.

I had oats for breakfast, cakes for morning tea, a salad sandwich for lunch and then sizzlers for dinner.

I did not gorge myself though like a normally would, I took the small mini sized muffins at morning tea (though I did go back a few times!) and at Sizzlers I only put small servings on my plate at a time and left the chips and apple pie for last so I only had small servings of those!  It was a celebration day and I now understand why Mish says to plan for them.  I know I did well in that I didn't gorge myself, but I was out of my routine with food and that meant I sometimes didn't have much choice - like the mini muffins were the 'refreshments' provided at a photo shoot that went for ages longer then I thought and it was more like lunch time when we got them!  I also thought I would be at uni for another two hours before I got to have my next proper meal so it was muffins or starve! I was able to get home for a salad sandwich before I got to the 'eat now or starve phase' again! 
I will have to exercise today for sure though!

Monday, September 13, 2010

13 September 2010

Early start on my food diary today!

Egg on toast
cuppa tea
forme yogurt
6 almonds, 1lrge strawberry
1 apple (green and yummy!)
1 cheese toasted sandwich (I was starving!)
1 orange
600mL water

Scales this morning said 59.2 so only a 100g loss since last week, bit disappointed!
Only one week to go until kick-off - I will be in the 58's by then!
Off to get ready for my run!


Run is complete - just waiting for hubby to serve up dinner to his hard-working wife!
(the way it should be!)

5.42km total
5min walk to warm up
35.16mins running at around 7min/km

In that 40mins I burnt 371 calories (bye bye Mr Cheese Sandwich!).

Be back later with a 'what I had for dinner' update!  Rivoting stuff!

Okay - dinner was a scoop of spag bog and a scoop of pasta, followed up with a tonne of green veg.  I had to have a vegemite sandwich before I could fall asleep though!  I am worried about that throughout the challenge - that I will need to eat to sleep and go over my calorie limit.  So long as I don't eat back all my calories, I will have to see just how much I am losing on the program and adjust to my comfort level as I go down the scales!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

12 September 2010

Food Diary

Cuppa tea
oats with honey and lsa
handful of banana lollies
mulitgrain sandwich with lettuce, cheese and salsa dip
handful of multeasers
4 gingerbread cookies
2 x cuppa teas
half a fillet steak, mashed potato and large serve of steamed veg (baby corn, carrot, green stuff... lol)

No exercise though I did do a bit of shopping with lots of walking! lol

All up I am feeling tired and depressed - probably on a sugar downer, and I even noticed how much I perked up after sugar and then needed a sleep afterward!  At least I had the oats this morning otherwise it could have been a lot worse!

Scales this morning said 59.1kg so I have either blown it and will go up or I might drop down into the 58's for tomorrow! 

Real time Excuses: I'm stressed!


I am stressed.

That is why I ate those lolly banana's, and why I had another handful of malteasers.  Of course, mum was there with me too and it was her suggestion to buy them but I managed to say no all yesterday and then today, it is suddenly okay.  It started last night actually.  And the reason was stress.

If someone had of handed me a smoke I would have taken it.  Anything to stop me from doing what I had to do.. my work. 

I need to stop procrastinating with food and just do it!  I need to stop procrastinating by blogging and just do it!

Okay.. I am going to go do some work now!


Saturday, September 11, 2010

11 September 2010

Food diary time:

egg on toast, no butter
cup of tea
foccacia chicken bacon and cheese wrap (had half)
3 kfc nuggets, one piece of chicken (yup I ate the skin)
2 glasses of pepsi max (maybe a bit more as I was using funny shaped cups)
baked beans on toast for dinner
and a handful or two of malteasers
plenty of water.


swimming class - 240cals over the hour

Swimming Lesson No. 2

I had my second swimming lesson and all I did was laps!  I think I swam about 20 laps and I now know that I just need to practice.  Out of those laps, probably about 5 of them I managed to swim the whole length without stopping.

What I have learnt though, is that I stop myself from doing it.  I think 'I am doing it wrong', or 'I can't breathe' even though I am doing fine.  I'm not doing my breathing perfectly, I am taking too long to do it because I am not letting all the air out under the water so while my head is out I have to breathe out and catch my breath as well.  By then my arm is pointing down and I have to use up all my energy to keep my head up long enough to take my breath!  No wonder my arms are killing me!  I will get there though, I just need to relax and just concentrate on improving a little at a time.  Rome wasn't built in a day and I am not giving up! 

I did wear my HRM as well - and yes, the Polar FT4 is waterproof - and it was great!  I didnt' get my heart rate up very high which makes sense given it was the breathing I am struggling with and not the endurance side of things, and I was also resting between each lap to calm my breathing.  Still, in the hour I was in the pool I managed to burn off 240 calories!  My heart rate average was only 105bpm with a max of 135bpm so even from that you can see I took it pretty easy. 

Next week I will keep with the swimming each lap and I am pretty sure M is going to try and get me to do a couple of laps without stopping for a break in between!  As she said, when I can do two or three laps, then a single lap will seem easy peasy!   I wish I could pop in and practice in the pool once or twice during the week so I could surprise her next Saturday!

I am so proud of my progress so far. 
And so happy that I took the plunge and booked that first lesson.  I just know it won't be long until I 'graduate' to just swimming laps!

Friday, September 10, 2010

10 September 2010

My food diary for today:

Oats with honey (less then half the serve)
cuppa tea
ham/chicken pineapple and salad on foccacia bread (I think - gluten free)
white tea
water (600ml)
chicken and avacado salad.
smoked cod in creamy sauce with steamed green veg. brown rice
 (I ended up having chipies that D picked up on his way home because I forgot to put it on).

My run:
Max. speed: 6.59mins/km
HRM: 361cal in 45mins

Thursday, September 9, 2010

9 September 2010

Food diary again:

egg on toast (with a bit of butter)
cuppa tea (x3) with one sugar
vitaweats (4) with avacado, lettuce, and salsa and a bit of chicken breast
lettuce tomato and cheese on multigrain sandwich
crumbed fish fillet with lettuce, spinach leaves, tomato, raddish, capisicum, grated carrot and cheese.
Baked beans
600mL water
glass of pepsi max.

Havn'et done the calories on it but it looks pretty damn good to me!

I did some tummy crunches this morning for exercise but have been running around busy.

And of course I've done the stairs up to the third floor at work (twice today!)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

8 September 2010

My first food and exercise log post for this challenge!

Uncle Toby Oats with Honey (about 3/4 of a serve)
cup of tea (one sugar)
Strawberries (about 4 large ones!)
chocolate cupcake and icing
Lean Cuisine Spinach Ricotta and Pumpkin Lasagna
Small tin Baked Beans
one chip!
Biggest Loser Spinach and Prawn Cabiatta Pizza from Dominos
1 Litre of water
1 cup of Pepsi Max

1430calories as an estimate (that damn cupcake was 250cal!)

5k run with 5mins each of warm up and cool down (walking)
I broke it up into 8min and 5min cycles of running with 2mins walking in between each interval
HRM: 364 calories down!

Which means I am in calorie deficit today!  Yey!

lol hopefully I won't have to update with more food!

The buck stops here!

It really does.  I mean, what am I waiting for?  I know how to lose weight - it really isn't that hard.  The body conditioning I need Mish's program for, but gee, I can run!  How many people can say that they can run 5km 3 times a week?  I can!  So why aren't I out there doing it?  What am I waiting for?

And as for food.  Of course I can have a chocolate cupcake, the challenge hasn't started yet!  May I one day forgive myself!  I popped to the shop and grabbed some strawberries to snack on today and a lean cuisine super yummy lasagna (a healthy one with spinach!).  That should get me through today! 

So it starts now.  No excuses.  I will run my three times a week, swimming on saturday morning, and I will make healthy food choice a priority!  I have my 1l bottle of water to keep me nourished and plenty of work to do on my thesis.  Mum will be here tomorrow night and I need to be healthy for her so she isnt' stressing her heart while she is visiting. 


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Pre-season Task 5: Commitment.

by Hamid Bahrami
I kinda didn't get this one.  I wrote down my goals - of course I am committed...

But then, on Sunday night, I made a commitment to run on Monday morning with the exception of pouring rain.  Well, I had a crap night's sleep, didn't end up falling asleep til past midnight and yes, it was raining but I hardly stirred to turn off the alarm and continued sleeping without even registering the rain.  I felt a bit disappointed when I did wake up but hey, I had had a crappy sleep and it was raining!  So I went about my normal morning routine, logged on to the forum at work and low and behold, the Commitment task was there to read.

I pondered it, didn't quite get it.  Yeah, of course I commit to it... derr!  The money is gone from my credit card, I've done the pre-season tasks haven't I?

I then opened up my twitter page and saw that I had committed to something and failed to follow through. 

The world is full of good intentions and they get you bloody nowhere!  Good intentions are nothing, nada, zip.  I have plenty of them.  I intend to do a lot of things that are wonderful and grand and never ever happen. I procrastinate, I make excuses, I blame others, I blame myself and then wallow in self pity.

And finally it clicked.  I'm not just saying I am going to do something.  I am not just intending to do something.  I am COMMITTING to doing something.

That means: no excuses, no procrastinating, no blaming others.

I am not saying, I will wake up at 6am every day and run for exactly 5km.  That is a plan, but not what I am committing to. 

I am committing to doing what I need to to get to my goal - lose 10kg, to run 5k in under 30mins, to run 10k without stopping, and to learn to swim 100m without stopping.  Plans change, shit happens, but come hell or highwater, I WILL get it done.  It won't be perfect, it won't be pretty, it may even well and truely suck!  But it will get done.  I might not be able to get it done in the 12 weeks - but I will get it done.

That is what commitment means.

So at 4pm, I threw on my jogging clothes and grabbed my iPhone and even though I couldn't find my earplugs, I ran.  I went for the run that I commited to.  It wasn't perfect, it was way past the time frame I had allowed, but I did it.

My word means something.
I mean something.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Pre-season Task 4: Gearing Up!

I so thought this task would be easy.  I mean, how hard can it be to collect some exercise equipment right?  I've certainly done it before and have a nice little box full of stuff that I never use.  Not to mention the fitball that constantly rolls around the house, because the kids play with it rather then me using it.

And yet I struggled.


I think it is because, this time, I am accountable.  If I say I am going to do it, then I am expected to do it.  Commitment.  No Excuses.  I actually feel like I am 'hunting' for excuses in my head not to do it and I can feel that frustration of 'I have to' - it reminds me of when I was a child throwing a tantrum!

There is also that sense of 'I want to do it properly' but maybe that is my perfectionist excuse coming up again.  I want that heart rate monitor, I want to join the gym, I want to get a personal trainer, I want to get that aerobic step, I want to get all the dvd's and books, I want to do yoga classes, I want to go to Zumba, I want.. I want....  Wahh!  Tantrum!

I need to suck it up and just do it.  I'm getting the swimming lessons, and I have decided to get the gym membership (found out I get a month free with a three month membership).  The heart rate monitor - well, I'm gonna see if I can win it in a challenge or something!  Or maybe stick on the hubbies credit card! lol

So what "Gear" do I currently have?

I have swimming lessons on Saturday mornings which will eventually turn into doing laps building up to 750m and then 1500m.
I have running three times a week, a normal run of 5k, an interval running session to build up speed, and a long run building up to 10k.
Now the strength training is where I am worried.  I would like to join the gym, but I don't want to be embarassed at the gym doing some wierd circuit training schedule Mish has put us on and look like a fool.  And even though no-one else really cares - I will feel embarrassed.  So maybe I should stick to dvd's for now?  I'm not sure.  This is the one where I will have to wait and see.
The stretching and yoga and abs exercise on Fridays I am a bit worried about as well.  I'm just not sure what I can commit to.  I have 'some' stuff at home, like the fitball and I have access to a few sparkpeople videos on utube I could use.  But I am just not sure!

Part of it is just not being sure what is expected, and part is over analysing as well.  I trying to think it too much.  I was only asked to figure out 'where' I was doing stuff - gym, home, outside, or a combination.  So it is really easy.  The cardio I am doing outside, the strength I am doing at gym hopefully!

The only other question is.. do I need a heartrate monitor?

Saturday, September 4, 2010

My first swimming lesson!

I've broken the 'I can't swim barrier' and managed to swim a full length of the pool without stopping.  Okay, so it was only once out of about 10 or so attempts, but I did it!

So I rocked up at the sports center 20mins early after scoffing down some oats and strawberries.  No-one was there!  10mins later Monika turns up on her bike (so wish I had a bike - no excuse, I am on the same block as the uni for pete's sake!) and we introduce ourselves while we sit and wait for campus security to unlock the gate.  They turn up right on 8.30am to let us in!
So we both stripped off down to our swimmers, discussing swimming caps and goggles - I decided to pass on wearing my new cap as it makes my face look constipated, but decide to try the goggles (I keep going to type googles so if I miss one in the edit feel free to laugh at me!).
The pool is nicely heated - its not cold but its not warm either (I hate pools that feel like pee temperature!) and we are all alone - Yey!  No-one to watch me flounder around!
First task of the day was 4 laps on the kickboard to 'warm up'.  Holy shit!  Who needs to swim when just kicking down the pool with a kickboard is such a work-out!  My thighs were burning half way up the first length and my lovely friendly swim instructor turned in my evil swimming coach!  Apparently I can't learn to breath properly while swimming if I am puffing and panting because I am so unfit!  So much for my nice 'easy' swimming lesson!
Now to be fair, Monika gave me lots of positive encouragement - my kicking is lovely, she says she gets lots of adult learners who tend to cycle their legs.  Yey for me!  I mentioned how I 'stagnated' at the lessons at school because I was too short to touch in the 3ft depth of the 'big pool' and fear meant I wouldn't let anyone let go of me.  I got lots of instruction on kicking, stroke, floating, etc but nothing could get me to breath!
Next step was 'lets see your freestyle' - ahhh.. I can't swim a whole length... that's fine, just go as far as you can.  So I swam three strokes, took a breath, swam three strokes and floundered.  I have a good technique with my arms for a beginner!  Yey! 

So we went back to the kickboard for a few laps to practice breathing.  Once I made it a full 25m without trying to drown myself, I went minus the kickboard.  First go off the bat.... I made it the whole way up without stopping!  Of course the next few laps I tried I ended up stopping.  I figured out what I was doing wrong technique wise and would try again... but I just seem to have this huge mental block.  I go along fine, make one small mistake, and bammo - my headspace goes and I stop.

I listened to myself the last run - 'I'm not doing it right' 'I'm out of breathe' 'I'm not going to make it'

It's all in my head!

Now just as an after thought - my stomach muscles are killing me.  I know I have them now at least, but only shit, I feel like I am going to die from the agony!
I need to get visine - the googles didn't work out too well and put me off.

And just on a funny note - I had forgotten how much I burp in the pool! lol

Friday, September 3, 2010

Holy Crappers!




It has started already.

60.0kg The day I signed up..
59.7kg Monday (1week later)
59.3kg Yesterday (Thursday)
59.1kg This morning! (Friday)

Happy Dance!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Journey starts Now!

And so it begins....

It seems so far away, today especially.  I am madly working on my thesis (and effectively procrastinating taking a dinner break by doing this) and the future seems so far away.  Yet it is not that far at all. Coming in the next few months....

4th Sept - dinner party
5th Sept - Fathers Days
9th Sept - Mum is visiting for a week
14th Sept - graduation ceremony
18th Sept - 2 weeks of school holidays
20th Sept - 12wbt begins offiicially
1st October - 1st draft of thesis needs to be done
10th October - final 5k race of the HN series
28th October - 17yr anniversery
1st of Nov - 5 Bound copies of thesis to be handed in
2nd Nov - Hubbies B'day
14th Nov - presentation on my thesis topic
10th December - my birthday
11th December - school holidays start!

Sigh, not much of a break in there!  And I still need to arrange speech therapy for the two youngest boys of mine for the final semester, Cam should have OT starting next term as well, and I want to do swimming classes!  Argh!    I only have a few of my experiments done as well - so much more left to do!

but as they say, every great journey starts with just one step. 


Oats and honey for breakfast
3 small slices of cake for morning tea
Tandoori chicken wrap and salad from Maccas for dinner
1 bottle of water
2 cups of tea

Exercise:  I ran up 3 flights of steps to get to my third floor office - and been generally busy.

Uni:  Have completed materials and methods section; got a practice bacterial prep done this morning and have done my prep work for tomorrow.

Still to do:

COPD section and Hib Section
entry into lab manual.

I am determined to complete my assigned tasks today so I had better be off! 

Update:  Went home and had a handful of tomato flavoured chips, had a mandarin before bed, and didn't get any of my uni tasks done, though I did get some more papers downloaded and read!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Is it really that easy? Meditation rocks!

I've had a good week in general.  A few highs, a few lows.

I've gone for a run in the morning - that was on Monday.
Last night I had a row of chocolate and stopped.  I didn't devour the whole block.
I've been having fruit everyday for the last couple of days.
And I haven't been to macca's since I paid up for the challenge!

Now the only differences in my life have been signing up to the challenge and listening to a mediation cd by Jon Gabriel which is designed to help with weightloss.

I've always been a strong believer in the power of the mind, and I believe that in harnessing that power we have the opportunity to change so much of ourselves.  We can shape our personality, our lifestyle, and even something as simple as our taste in food.

I suffer from food aversions quite easily.  I ate a banana that was not quite ripe a few years back and even the smell of a banana now brings back memories of the aching chest pains that followed!  If somehow I could harness that power so that junk food just seems horrible then maybe I would have a few issues of mine resolved! 

So here is the plan, when I think of maccas or chocolate I will consciously make myself feel yukky - imagine myself vomiting or getting sick.  This should hopefully turn around some of my automatic 'I want more' reactions to food.  Of course I need to start liking healthy foods as well which will take some time.  I need to find some things that I truely luuuuurve and get myself hooked on them! 

Some other ways to use our mind and mediation techniques:
1. While relaxing, imagine yourself in a situation where you are tempted and then 'pretend' yourself reacting to that situation in a succesful way and feeling fantastic about it.
2. Imagine your lifestyle when you reach your goal, doing something you love to do with a healthy body.  Focus on how great it feels to be sucessful, how things are easier to do, that people look at you and treat you differently.  Make it as real as possible by focusing on small things - like the sand in your toes, or feeling the wind blowing your hair back as you run, or even the smell of the ocean!
3. When exercising, do some mundane mental tasks such as remembering all the teachers you have had, or making up a story or poem - it will take your focus off your exertion level so you don't wallow in your pain - it won't seem quite as bad then!

I will mention this again later and let you all know if it is working or not!

Change your atttitude:  Change your life!