Sunday, November 18, 2012

Taking a moment to reflect on why.

I really want to do well this round and, in the past, this has meant trying to ‘win’ an award.. after all, it is the ultimate reward to receive external accolades for your progress.   But this time is different.  I don’t ‘want’ to win, and I don’t to measure my success by how others judge my transformation.  I want to achieve success by own standard, to be proud of myself.. and to have that be enough.

I don’t know if I will put in for consideration for the finale awards this round. It depends on how my mindset is going in regards to requiring external validation.  If I feel I can be happy with my results without receiving that award.. genuinely.. then I will submit for it.  I need to be sure in my mind that I know that the award is not a measure of my success but just a bonus given to just a few out of many who deserve it!

This is really hit home after seeing so many amazing photos of the changes people have made in a short 3mths – I really don’t know how the 12wbt team could possibly choose between them (I certainly don’t envy them the task!).

A huge congratulations to all the L&S winners past and present, and to the many more who achieved fantastic results on the program but didn’t get to stand up on stage!  You all deserve medals!

Friday, November 16, 2012

Round 4 Starting Point

12wbt Round 4 Start

Argh!  So… not a pretty picture but I know that this is a true reflection of my current diet and lifestyle.  I’m not happy with where I am but I do know that losing 8kg in 12 weeks is very achievable and my after photos will be fabulous!  In 12 weeks I will be submitting my final photos.. I will be 51kg, and will be at a point where muscle definition is beginning to show.  I’m not sure about my abs, I have a lot of work to do to get to that point but I think it will be where I see the most improvement given it is the area with the most scope for change!


  • to lose 8kg or more
  • to quit smoking
  • to begin walking each morning as way to greet the day
  • to get my running fitness back to occasional 5-10km runs
  • reduce my waist measurement significantly
  • and to lift heavy shit!

I will define ‘lift heavy shit’ more once I have got back to the gym, I need to work out where my weights are right now and then work out where I can get to.  

I am looking forward to this journey and already enjoying a change in diet. Watch this space people!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The path.

no romoteSometimes we need to stop and really look at where we are. 

Right now, I am a smoker (3mths into my addiction and already quite a few failed quitting attempts) and while at first I lost some weight.. I am now back up to over 58kg and looking pretty darn close at the line between healthy and overweight BMI.

I’m not unhappy, but I’m not going anywhere or achieving anything.  I am stagnating.  Like a pond of stinky water.

It’s like I am waiting, waiting for someone else to make me change – waiting for that external motivation to come along and shift my thinking and get my arse up and moving.  But I’m waiting for something that will never happen.  Or if it does.. it will be too late because I will be having a heart attack or diagnosed with cancer.  I don’t want to be too late.

So now is the time to change.  I don’t mean change myself.  I am perfect just the way I am!  But I do need to change how I live my life.  It’s not about epiphanies, or waiting to find yourself or for fate to somehow give you a sign.  You just start.  It will feel like shit at first and it will be hard. But once you start the next step is a bit easier, and the one after that even easier.  And then you have momentum!  Hoorah! 

So it’s time to take some steps!  Exercise is out right now thanks to a bout of Bronchitis but I can do a bit of shopping and get my kitchen makeover done, plan some meals to cook up on the weekend, and do my exercise diary up for the next 12wks!

Time to get back on the move!



Friday, November 9, 2012

Stepping through the wall.

We all have a comfort zone.  Our nice safe world, with nice safe walls around it.  We gaze outside those walls and see our dreams but fear stops us from stepping outside our walls.

I have learnt something through my years recovering from agoraphobia and living with a panic disorder.  The walls are just pretend.  They aren’t really there.  We create them in our minds to make us feel safe but all they do is trap us inside our safe little world.

I’ve taken a step back, retreated back into my safe little walls – given they are a bit further out now, but they are still there.  I avoid, I make excuses, I pretend I don’t want what is on the other side.  But I do want it.

Analogies aside, I know how to get where I want to be and this ‘failure’ has taught me to appreciate just how well I was doing.  Now I just need to start, regain that momentum and ‘step through the wall’.  Yes, it will take effort but with each visit to the gym, each time I step out the door and run, each shopping visit where I fill my trolley with good food, and each healthy meal I prepare, it will get easier.  It will become normal.  And the walls will disappear again!



Thursday, November 8, 2012

Round 4, 2012: The journey continues.



I’m signing up for Round 4!  The finale in Brisbane has clinched the deal, along with recipes for cake and cocktails!  The Wedding is over, and I am officially back at my borderline weight of 58kg, that’s right, I gained weight in the lead up to the wedding when I was so determined to lose it!

A bit of an introduction for those new to this round. 

I started my weight loss journey many years ago when I jumped on the scales and I realised I had hit ‘obese’.  I joined a gym and started counting calories and slowly lost the weight.. I didn’t manage to get into my healthy weight zone though.  Not until I discovered Michelle Bridges 12wbt.  The first two rounds in Sept 2010 and Feb 2011 were learning rounds but the winter of 2011 I hit my stride and dropped another 4kg to hit my goal weight of 52kg and got a mention at the finale in the top 12 of the Lean and Strong entrants.  Another two rounds after that I just hovered between 58kg and 55kg, hitting the self-sabotage button as soon as I started to get near goal.

I decided not to do round 3 this year as I figured I was just throwing my money away, but instead of achieving my goals on my own, the isolation and lack of accountability has seen me gain weight and even start smoking.

It is time to wake up and remember the JFDI lesson. 

I am quitting smoking today, and getting back to my life.  I love being healthy and fit, organised and most of all, proud of myself.

I know I can do it.  With the support of the 12wbt I can do it.

I will do it, I am doing it!