Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Wavering Already!

Yes, I am already floundering in regret over my goals!  Can I change them?  Have I taken on too much?  Am I being unrealistic?

When I set my goals yesterday, I was on a high!  I had woken up early and got out for a run for the first time EVER!  It felt so good and I was sure I could do so much more!  But then last night I was up late, tossing and turning... I have only 6 weeks to have a final copy of my thesis ready for editing and final touches before printing!  And I haven't even got most of my experiments done yet!  ARgh!

I was feeling better today until I wrote that...

I am going to sit down and approach it the same way I have done this challenge.  I'm going to write down my excuses for not completing it (which are surprisingly similar to what I have written for this challenge!) , write down my goals and break it down to weekly goals and tasks, buy what I need and then get started!

So off I go.. time to get this 'excuse' off the table!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Pre-season Task No.3: Goal Setting

Time to commit!

Yup, it's time to write it down in black and white, put it all out there for the world to see...  Time to write down my goals!  I knew it was coming, I thought I was prepared.. but arrggggh!  They have to be SMART goals!  And not just for this challenge, but for the next 12 months!

But I don't know what I want!

Okay, so I know I want to lose the weight, look hot - you know - the 6pack abs!  I love running but can I commit to running marathons?  I don't know.  As Mish says, I have to be realistic.  I am doing my honours this year, have 3 boys to care for, so much to do.  But how much of my time is running going to take? 

Be brave....

1mth goals (By the end of September)
Get in the right mind-set for achieving my goals
Get my Honours thesis up-to-date
Get housework under control
Get children into speech and ent
Book swimming lessons for Saturdays

To acheive that I will need to:
- complete pre-season tasks
- schedule in my uni work and set weekly goals to acheive.
- complete lit review and mat and methods section of my honours thesis
- get my lab book up to date as well
- get into a routine of clearing up properly after dinner and in the morning.
- get referrals to ENT and speechies and health plans, and book appts
- call uni sports centre and ask about joining up... do I have the money? 

3mth goals - (By the end of December)

I want to get to approximatly 50kg. 
I want to run 10k. 
I want to get my 5k time under 30mins.
I want to swim 325m - 15 laps of the 25m pool
Finish my Honours!
Work out what next year will bring

To acheive that I will need to:
- follow the plan to the letter!
- running three times a week following the 10k program I have for my long run days
- allocate several hours per day to writing my thesis.
- get a running program including interval training, and strenth training
- create my own 'couch to 750m' program and stick to it.
- speak to my supervisor about a job!

6mth goals
- swim 750m
- run in a 10k race
- learn to surf

12mth Goals
-will need to work on this!

I think that is about as good as I can manage at this stage.  I dont' know where I will be next year and am honestly just focusing on getting through the rest of this year!  My honours will be taking up a lot of my time and thought space - I need to make sure that the 12wbt and the kids and housework are not taking up my mental space too much, they need to be habit and not excuses!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Procrastination Vrs Perfection

Perfectionism and Procrastination - A Direct Relationship.

I'm not putting it off any longer.  It is time to tackle my procrastination head on.  This affects every aspect of my life.  I procrastinate about housework, making doctors appt's, budgeting, paying bills, doing my research - EVERYTHING!

So what does perfectionism have to do with procrastination?   
I mean surely, if I was a true perfectionist, then time management would be included in that?  But no, I use perfectionism as an excuse. 

The more I put pressure on myself to do well, the more likely I am to fail.  Not only is it a direct excuse "Hey, I can't do it properly/have the perfect routine/ do it right everytime" but it also affects that other common excuse - the fear of failure.  Perhaps that is where the procrastination comes from in the first place.  I want to be perfect, I know I am going to fail at that for sure!

So I need to stop with the perfectionism and the procrastination should go away.  Take off the pressure - I don't have to be perfect, I am not going to be perfect, and that is Okay - It doesn't make me a failure.  It makes me REAL!

The solution....
I am going to make a commitment to not be perfect.  I will eat the wrong thing sometimes, I will skip an occasional day of exercise.  I will have a slump day (especially if PMS is involved).  But I will do SOMETHING - if I miss my normal exercise I will do SOMETHING, Anything really - even just a minute of skipping, or jumping on the trampoline! I will still be here, I will still go on, and I will keep moving forward.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Ummm.... Where am I going?

Not only am I lost.. but I have no idea where I am supposed to be!

Yes, I am 35yo and don't know what I should be doing!  I know I want to be fit and healthy - well, thin mostly - but thin and healthy and strong!  I don't want to be a fitness guru or or have a mega-buff body.  I don't want to be a marathon runner - well, that is a maybe - I do like to run!

I just know that one of the pre-season tasks will be about goal setting and although I can easily say.. I want to be 50kg.. it isn't really a goal that is well, doable!  I can exercise and I can stick to a diet plan, but I can't control exactly what kilos I will lose.  I'm not in direct control of it. 

I also know that one of my 'excuses' is a fear of what I will become afterward.  I don't want to commit to becoming some fitness freak.  I dont' want to have to 'train' to maintain.  I'm scared I am commiting to a life long 'stress' of keeping up with myself.  I want to be 'content' and 'settled' in what I am doing and not feel like I am constantly pushing myself.
But then part of me relishes the idea of being competitive, being able to run 10k.. I don't know if I have the patience for a marathon!  But 10k I could do!

I also know that I want to learn to swim - summer is coming and both myself and my children need to learn to swim at some point.  Of course I have an excuse of not having any money, but then I have no idea how much swimming lessons cost!  I am looking into this week though and have even found a 'teach your kids to swim' website which is free!  Uswim website for anyone interested! 

See.. no excuses.  If you can't afford to do it the 'normal' way, then find a way to achieve your goals!  If you want something bad enough you will find a way!

So how do I see myself at the end of this..

I see myself with quite a few kilo's gone.. I would ideally like to be around the 50kg mark. 
I will be able to run my 5ks easily and should have run a 10k run by the end as well.
My stomach should be close to flat, and my double chin should be gone!
I want to have a bit more flexibility.
I see myself drinking water and only my morning cuppa.
I see salads and vegies, lean proteins - less of the meat kind and more legumes.
I see chocolate being a small part of a dessert made of yogurt and fruits, in a small serving.
I see myself waking up in the morning and going for my run, doing some stretching afterward.
I see swimming lessons once a week, walking most afternoons, and some strength training 2 or 3 times a week for 20mins or so - targeted for body shaping rather then general!

mmm... see, I know exactly what I have to do. 

Sigh.. I dont' even know what I am saying now.  I need to go eat dinner now that I have devoured a full family block of chocolate on my own. 

I am lost and need to find my way home.

edited later to add.  I can see what I am doing.  I am losing focus.  I want too much and I am going to end up failing because I can't achieve it all.  I will focus this three months on setting up some basic habits and wont 'over think' it.  I will follow the exercise and eating plan given to me - that's it.  In that exercise plan I will move toward learning the swim and running, and getting a stretching routine going for my running.

See!  That wasn't so hard!  Now I am ready for when I am asked what my goals are.  Follow the Plan!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Exercise- It happened to me once!

Yup... Running!

I've done it... but have fallen off the wagon this last month or two.  But what is this wagon that I fell off?  Was I on a bandwagon of some kind?  No way - I am not jumping on anyones bandwagon!!  So no falling off a wagon for me!  I didn't run for a while because I was feeling a bit off colour - I've had a cold and a stomach bug and so have each of the kids!  And then I just started avoiding it because it was easier.
I don't get it.. I LOVE to run.
I've entered into two races of a 5 race series, two races I missed, the first because it was before I started running, the last because I had an injury and was overloaded with uni stuff (yes, I was making excuses!).  There is one race left.. on the 10th of October!  Plenty of time to train and get that 30min goal happening!
As I have confronted all my excuses, I can commit wholeheartedly to acheiving this goal.  I will take care so as not to get an injury or fall ill as they are the only reasons I won't be able to do this!

I went for a run this afternoon.  It's on my runkeeper so I have evidence! lol  5.5km in 50mins doing 4min run, 2min walk and 5min warm up and cool down; 300cal burnt.

I'm happy!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Pre-season Task No. 2

Oh, yes, I have a few of those!

Internal Excuses
I'm scared. Feel the fear and do it anyway - a fear faced, will go away.
I dont' care. Yes you do, otherwise why would you be here?
I'm not that fat. You are living like a fat person - if you keep going you will be!
It doesn't matter. You matter!  What you eat matters, and keeping fit matters.
It's his fault for making me mad. Get over yourself.  Take responsibility.
I deserve a treat. You deserve to treat yourself with respect.
I want a treat. Treat yourself with a real treat - not with crap.  How is killing yourself slowly a treat?
I dont' feel well. you know that it is in your head, you feel like crap because you need to eat well and exercise - so do it!
I'm lazy. the only way that will change is if you change it, so get moving!
I'm tired. well hurry up and get it done, you will feel less tired and will sleep better tonight!
I don't want to. but you do want the results - so do it!
My body shape is horrible anyway, being thin won't change it. It's not all about body shape, healthy is the aim, and your body shape will change with exercise, but wont from starving yourself!
No matter what I do, it never turns out the way I want.  Oh, grow up!
I always fail, it's not my fault. It is your fault.  Take responsibility
I have food aversions. If you eat it, it will become normal - just try it.

External Choices in My Control.

It's raining!  Well do inside Cardio instead!
I've been asked to do Uni stuff.  Time Management!  There are alternatives - you can do something later on, or just get exercise done in the morning!
I have so much I should be doing - 3 kids with special needs requiring regular speech therapy and some extra supervision!  Well, do it!  Stop procrastinating!  It doesn't take that much time to cook and exercise each day.  You have time to do it all, just do it instead of sitting on your butt!
I can't afford it. Sit and work out the budget. If it really isn't affordable, is there an alternative?
My hubby bought it... you know you wanted it, stop blaming him!

External Choices out of My Control.

Kids getting sick.  Dont feel guilty - Do what you can.
Me being sick!  Just rest up and concentrate on getting healthy!

So what did I get out of this?

Well, the biggest thing I noticed is that the internal excuses list is a hell of a lot longer then the external excuses list! And the 'in my control' list is longer then my 'out of my control' list.  I really don't have very many good excuses as to why I am not doing what I need do!
I mean, yeah, I am doing honours full-time, need to maintain a home, budget, look after 3 boys with pick-ups and drop-offs at school, speech therapy, etc  but honesly, I don't do most of what I 'should' do anyway and spend way to much time watching tv and blogging! lol

I am so glad I have this here now.
I will continue to update this list and to return to it when I am making excuses and need to get my thought process back in line!

Thankyou Michelle Bridges!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Emperor's New Clothes

Every time I look at buying clothes, I always say to myself, "When you lose some more weight..".  And when I do buy clothes, there is that little niggly feeling inside that says, "If you had of lost weight you could be buying something better.". 

So today, at the start of this challenge, I have decided to break with tradition.  I have lost about 10kg from my heaviest weight, and quite frankly, I am not that bad looking!  Yeah, I look like a candy apple on a stick but hey, that shape is gonna be me no matter what size I am!  So I bought some new clothes and I am going to show off what I hottie I am (though I am having a bad hair day!)!

This is my outfit for my graduation coming up in a couple of weeks, and a dinner party next week.

A nice summer dress for day parties and going out for dinner.

A new work outfit, these were a little on the tight side!

And a nice casual shirt (I had the skinny jeans from last year!) for playtime!

I also picked up some sucky-in undies (which really work!), a nice push-up bra, and the white shoes and bracelet in the pics are new as well.
All up it was about $250 for the lot, not too bad but way over budget!  Worth it though - I feel great about how I look and keen to look after myself better knowing how great it feels to be proud of your body!

In case anyone is wondering.. my stats at this point are:

height: 155cm
weight: 60kg

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Excuses and Reasons

For every excuse I have, I have a reason. An excuse for why I can’t, a reason why I can:

1. My three boys.

Being a mum is hard work, and my boys take a little extra care - speech therapy, occupational therapy, doctors visits, school consultations, plus the extra ‘homework’ therapy. I use them as an excuse all the time, I can’t do things because I have to put my kids first. But they are also the reason I can. How can I not set them a great example, how can I not set them up with great food habits for life - food that is good for them and will help them rather then fill them with additives and preservatives that will make life harder for them. Goodness knows I know how much food can affect how you feel!

My kids give me strength and a reason for living, and living well! I need to be healthy and fit to keep up with them for sure!

2. Mental Illness.

I have a social phobia which makes life a bit interesting! I used to have agorophobia - I was pretty much housebound with fear and it has taken a lot to recover from that. Part of that - both why it happened, and how I recovered - has been linked with food. I was underweight when I first started to get sick, living on coffee and cigerettes and a meal and a half each day. As the panic attacks felt like ‘hunger’, I have linked food and anxiety so I am now an ‘emotional eater’! I hate being hungry, I hate that weakish feeling! I have obviously used this as an excuse - it can even get me out of a workout when I start to feel a bit sick! But it is also the reason I need to get this under control. If good eating is a habit, I won’t end up with the same lifestyle that got me sick in the first place! Exercise is also great for me - and great for reducing stress and dealing with the stress hormones that build up.

It is time to let go of past fears and embrace my future. 

3. I'm studying!

I am in my final year at university, doing my Honours Project, and it is stressful!  It takes a lot of time, often requiring some last minute timetabling changes to fit things!  And of course I feel a bit guilty about having to pick up the kids and get other things done so having to say 'no' for fitness seems like pushing the boundaries a little too far.  But I need this, exercise helps me cope better with the stress, keeps me mentally alert and focused on the task at hand.  I can schedule better to make time as well!
From a potential work perspective as well, I know my supervisors value and respect fitness goals, and every bit helps when it comes to getting a job at the end of this!

Excuses rob us of power and control over our own lives, they turn us into victims.  I have the power to choose my fate... but am I brave enough to take on that responsibility?  I am not a victim.  I will choose.

Thanks for reading!