Sunday, December 4, 2011

Today I start my new life.

I started a new life all those years ago when I had my first panic attack which led to agoraphobia.  Today I start my new life without agoraphobia.  Where do I start?  Before my agoraphobia I was a different person.  I drank.. a lot, I used recreational drugs, I sought the approval of everyone (the wrong everyone) and in the process gave up my safety, my self respect, and eventually.. my mental health.


The question is now.. Who am I after fighting agoraphobia for 15 years? Am I a different person?  I can’t say that I “found myself” over that time, that there was some epiphany where I suddenly realised who I was and what I wanted.  I have aspects of myself that stayed.. my drive to achieve in science and my sense of respect for those who seek education and self-improvement, and in truth, my essence is still there.  I am the sum of my experience.  I am still the same the person, but I have chosen a different path.  I have chosen to accept the fear, to accept that some people will not like me, to accept that bad things will happen and that is okay.  I am important to me and to the people I love.  I have decided to be a person that I respect.  I didn’t have to '”find myself” – I just had to choose to be myself.  And I have say – I like me!

So now is the time to let me shine.. really shine.  I hope you all have some sunglasses because I will be blasting you all with shining rays of awesomeness!  Look out!

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