Rock Bottom... Da Dum!!

 Oh Yeah!  I think I am there.. that magical place known as "Rock Bottom".  Well, at least I hope that is where I am as I sure don't want to get any lower.  Oh.. hold on.. Dave just passed me the last Vodka Mudslide.  I think I just dropped a little lower!

It has been one of 'those' weekends.  I just slipped a little, and then slipped a lot, and then made excuses and justified.  I justified it all so well that it meant I could indulge a little more.. it was my 'last hurrah' afterall.  My diet this weekend has been awful.  And it shows.  I have two pimples that popped up (excuse the pun) this morning, the bags under my eyes are horrendous, and my gut is bloated beyond belief.  I am so glad I am not taking photos today as I would be ashamed for Mish and Co. to see how quickly I have let myself go.

It's not even that I went over calories, but I have just eaten crap!  And kept on eating when I was full, and then having some more.  Eating with intent to harm.  Chocolate, alcohol, chips, fried crap, and take away noodles.  I don't even feel guilty about it, slightly ill though, but not guilty.  I guess that is a good thing, food shouldn't be something to feel guilty about, but by gosh, I wish I felt repulsed or something.  It would make it so much easier to change!  But I can see it more clearly now - I can see that I NEED this.  Not just for my food habits, but for my family.

I need to get organised in all aspects of my life.  I have been getting progressively lazier and lazier over the last year or two.  Spurred on by the comments from people about how wonderfully amazing I am to be juggling so many commitments.  The truth is that I am not juggling them at all, just swirling them around the table so at the right angle it looks like I am juggling them.  I am failing at everything.  My kids are playing too much computer and fighting with other all the time.  The house is a mess.  My uni.. well, who knows how I manage to get by with how little I actually do.  It is impressive that people think I am doing okay when to me, I am so obviously not doing okay!

So today I made some steps to change.  I tidied up the kitchen and have done up my basic routine.  I need to stick to it now.. for a month.  Then it will be a habit - and unbreakable!

It is time to accept, change, and re-build my life!

Base measurements

I figured I had better get in and get some basic records started for my lean and strong journey this round!  So off to the gym went this little black duck!

• 3x 400m rows/ 400m sprints
• The row I can do in 2mins, the sprints were at 10km per hour
• Bent over row (20kg)
• Chest Press (15kg)
• Tricep (10kg)
• Shoulder Press (10kg)
• Dumb-bell Bicep curls (2x 5kg)
• Squats (25kg)
• 15 sit-ups; 1min plank; 15 twisting crunches
• plus a bit extra on abs and another 400m sprint at 11km/hr for fun!

It felt so good to get back into it!  I am gonna be killer sore tomorrow though!

Preseason Task No. 1: Introduce Yourself!

Hello, my name is Jenifer.

I’m 36 years old, turning 37 on the day of the finale for this round (Yippee!). I have a partner, Dave, who I have been with for nearly 19 years (Oct 28 is our anniversary) and we are getting married on that day the year after – our 20th anniversary.  I have three boys, 6,8, and 12yrs old and they are all ‘special needs’.  My eldest has Asperger’s syndrome, my younger two have verbal dyspraxia.  With my youngest, the problem is has been quite severe and he has only just started talking this year.  Some people seem to give me a lot of credit for this.. they tell me I must be a wonderful mum to cope with them but that is just so not true!  Any mothering talent I have is because they are wonderful kids.  They are not extra work, not really – speech therapy and dealing with the social side of my eldests asperger related behavior has been the hardest part – but I wouldn’t trade them for all the world!  They are the ones who go the raw deal, not me!

Now, wife and mother may be my most important ‘roles’ in this life, but it is only a small part of me.  I have been studying for many years now and have my degree and Honours, in Biomedical Science and am now doing my PhD – I just started this year so it is very much a work in progress!  I love what I do and am very lucky to blessed with the intelligence to be able to do it. 

On top of those commitments, I have one more aspect of my life which presents challenges.. my mental health.  I have a panic disorder with agoraphobia.  I am mostly recovered, in that I can live a normal life without panic attacks, but the shadow is still there.  It comes up as I try to get near the edge of that comfort zone.. the ‘I can’ts’, the ‘What if’s’, and even the ‘I don’t want to’, these happen because sometimes it is just too hard.  I mean, who ‘dreads’ a night at the movies or going out to dinner?  What is a life where ‘having fun’ suddenly evokes fear – a commitment to do something, anything seems to be my trigger right now.  Just in case it is ‘all too much’.

I want to change, need to change, fear the change… but change I will.

Trying to get back into Gear!

 

I have a confession… I haven’t been on program since the end of Round 2.  The week after I was fine because I was busy and had finale to plan for.  But when I came back from finale I just didn’t get back into my routine.  I am floating in ‘No Man’s Land’: Pre-season.

I feel lost and bewildered.  Unable to grab onto anything solid – a routine is what I am searching for!  I went for a run today. It is not a routine but it is a step in the right direction.  Now I just have to keep making that same step, over and over and pretty soon I will be where I need to be.  So here is to first steps!

And to making that shirt fit me instead of being so tight I can see the fat rolls from here!

The Finale Weekend: Going Home!

I had a terrible attempt at a sleep in the next day which set me off in poor form for the day.  I am sorry to say that I spent the day anxious and feeling tired and crappy!

I took my medication early which helped me get through the long wait between check out and the flight!  Nat and I lazed around until noon and then left our bags with the concierge.  We went for a stroll as Nat wanted to pop into a shop that wasn't too far away.  I walked past it accidently but ended up in the botanic Gardens!

I don't know what was interesting in the tree.. I just wanted a picture of me climbing a tree! lol

And come on, this is cool (nothing to do with my medication!)

It was raining when we left Brisbane...

 

But the plane was soon up above the clouds and we were headed home! 

It was a great weekend and I was so happy to get home!

The Finale Weekend–The Big Day!

This was a hard day for me.  I woke up after a bit of a sleep in and Nat had gone out for breakfast – I was left to my own devices! 

I snuggled up in a bath robe, ordered French toast for breakfast and got myself dressed and ready for the workout.  It seemed to take forever, but I enjoyed it.

 

 

 

 

 

We got to the finale all ready to rock and we did rock!  I had a blast in the beginner section – I decided to hand out there with Nat for support (for both of us) and I am glad I did.  I wasn’t 100%, the anxiety was getting to me a bit but I did have fun!

 

 

 

I had an absolute ball getting ready.  It took a while though – like 2hrs!  I even put on fake eyelashes!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a great night!  I met Rob and Michelle, and others from the lean and strong team.  I met Kath and grabbed a pic with her, and with Splash too (she was the overall winner!).

 

But we were happy to get back to the hotel room and crash!

The Finale Weekend–The Confessional

I had an awesome time, but was it a little too awesome???

First stop was Myer!  I had a chicken, bacon, and avocado roll from Sumo Salad followed by $150 worth of clothes (hey, it was cold and I HAD to buy a jacket and the Guess shirt was right near the checkout – it wanted me!).

Night one.. Hokkien Noodles, Nat had the salad and bread roll and I had the chocolate!

Later the same night… at the Pig’n’Whistle with Nat and other ambassadors (and the lovely and amazing Aimee who took the picture for me!).  I had the risotto balls with aioli – it was an entree so only a small serve… I swear!   I went straight to bed when we got home (well, right after a hot chocolate!)

Breakfast!  OMG!  I only ate half of that… it was waaaaaaay yummy – even the strawberry was warmed to perfection!  I did not use the syrup, but I did add a little berry compote!

It was off to the workout then… almost 450 calories burned off however I am pretty sure I got busted in the line up for photos while eating a Special K chocolaty bar!  Oooops!

We got back to the hotel and decided on having a larger late lunch as we knew there wouldn’t be much to eat at the party…

I am pretty sure that it was at least two serves of protein in that meal!  I was able to make it through the night with only a couple of the little canapes served throughout the night!  However, just in case it makes it to the public arena, the photographer at the party caught me eating and took a photo!  I honestly didn’t eat that much!

Now, the next morning I had oats with honey, not quite worth a photo, and then a subway roll before departing on the plane… I arrived home to a delicious minted roast lamb with roasted vegetables and gravy, and finished off my bottle of Moscato to end the night!

The indulgences are over but it was lovely to indulge in good healthy foods, to know when I had eaten enough, and to have the foresight to plan my food throughout the weekend so I wasn’t tempted to binge on the adequately stocked mini-bar!

 

Yes, that is Tim Tam fingers and a block of Lindt chocolate!