It has been one of 'those' weekends. I just slipped a little, and then slipped a lot, and then made excuses and justified. I justified it all so well that it meant I could indulge a little more.. it was my 'last hurrah' afterall. My diet this weekend has been awful. And it shows. I have two pimples that popped up (excuse the pun) this morning, the bags under my eyes are horrendous, and my gut is bloated beyond belief. I am so glad I am not taking photos today as I would be ashamed for Mish and Co. to see how quickly I have let myself go.
It's not even that I went over calories, but I have just eaten crap! And kept on eating when I was full, and then having some more. Eating with intent to harm. Chocolate, alcohol, chips, fried crap, and take away noodles. I don't even feel guilty about it, slightly ill though, but not guilty. I guess that is a good thing, food shouldn't be something to feel guilty about, but by gosh, I wish I felt repulsed or something. It would make it so much easier to change! But I can see it more clearly now - I can see that I NEED this. Not just for my food habits, but for my family.
I need to get organised in all aspects of my life. I have been getting progressively lazier and lazier over the last year or two. Spurred on by the comments from people about how wonderfully amazing I am to be juggling so many commitments. The truth is that I am not juggling them at all, just swirling them around the table so at the right angle it looks like I am juggling them. I am failing at everything. My kids are playing too much computer and fighting with other all the time. The house is a mess. My uni.. well, who knows how I manage to get by with how little I actually do. It is impressive that people think I am doing okay when to me, I am so obviously not doing okay!
So today I made some steps to change. I tidied up the kitchen and have done up my basic routine. I need to stick to it now.. for a month. Then it will be a habit - and unbreakable!
It is time to accept, change, and re-build my life!
Oh Jeni, I know how you feel. I've been off-track too and I bloat SO easily that even though I haven't put on much weight, I look so much bigger and feel just awful.
ReplyDeleteThis rang so many bells for me too: It is impressive that people think I am doing okay when to me, I am so obviously not doing okay!
Only one way to go from rock bottom xx