Sunday, September 4, 2011

Rock Bottom... Da Dum!!

 Oh Yeah!  I think I am there.. that magical place known as "Rock Bottom".  Well, at least I hope that is where I am as I sure don't want to get any lower.  Oh.. hold on.. Dave just passed me the last Vodka Mudslide.  I think I just dropped a little lower!

It has been one of 'those' weekends.  I just slipped a little, and then slipped a lot, and then made excuses and justified.  I justified it all so well that it meant I could indulge a little more.. it was my 'last hurrah' afterall.  My diet this weekend has been awful.  And it shows.  I have two pimples that popped up (excuse the pun) this morning, the bags under my eyes are horrendous, and my gut is bloated beyond belief.  I am so glad I am not taking photos today as I would be ashamed for Mish and Co. to see how quickly I have let myself go.

It's not even that I went over calories, but I have just eaten crap!  And kept on eating when I was full, and then having some more.  Eating with intent to harm.  Chocolate, alcohol, chips, fried crap, and take away noodles.  I don't even feel guilty about it, slightly ill though, but not guilty.  I guess that is a good thing, food shouldn't be something to feel guilty about, but by gosh, I wish I felt repulsed or something.  It would make it so much easier to change!  But I can see it more clearly now - I can see that I NEED this.  Not just for my food habits, but for my family.

I need to get organised in all aspects of my life.  I have been getting progressively lazier and lazier over the last year or two.  Spurred on by the comments from people about how wonderfully amazing I am to be juggling so many commitments.  The truth is that I am not juggling them at all, just swirling them around the table so at the right angle it looks like I am juggling them.  I am failing at everything.  My kids are playing too much computer and fighting with other all the time.  The house is a mess.  My uni.. well, who knows how I manage to get by with how little I actually do.  It is impressive that people think I am doing okay when to me, I am so obviously not doing okay!

So today I made some steps to change.  I tidied up the kitchen and have done up my basic routine.  I need to stick to it now.. for a month.  Then it will be a habit - and unbreakable!

It is time to accept, change, and re-build my life!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Jeni, I know how you feel. I've been off-track too and I bloat SO easily that even though I haven't put on much weight, I look so much bigger and feel just awful.

    This rang so many bells for me too: It is impressive that people think I am doing okay when to me, I am so obviously not doing okay!

    Only one way to go from rock bottom xx