BLOG CHALLENGE # 4 - The things I want to say to me
I'm not sure where you are right now?
Are you on top of the world. Do you have that awesome - wish you could bottle it - on top of the world feeling?
Or are you struggling? Do you know you deserve better and you are trying to find your way forward?
I want you to write yourself a letter entitled "The things I want to say to me"
Use your letter to help you remember how awesome right now is. Encourage yourself. Pat yourself on the back.
Or if you are struggling confirm to yourself how much you deserve better. Be kind but tough to yourself. Reestablish the reasons why YOU DESERVE this. Find that fighter within.
The biggest rule is ... you have to build yourself up in this letter. Not knock yourself down.
You guys inspire me soooo much! I can't wait to read your letters!
To me:
OH, for god's sake woman! Would you just let yourself be for one minute? Life is not a competition.. and you are doing great. You do need to get your ass into gear and get that uni stuff done though. Now, be proud of how far you have come.. you love how you are feeling right now, you love the feeling of success. Yes, somedays are hard and the good feeling are harder to find, the goal harder to see, and sometimes even the solid ground under your feet is harder to feel and you feel like your are running off the edge of the world. But close your eyes and trust in yourself. You are strong, you are beautiful, you are smart, and you are worthy!
Remember today. Remember how it felt to see your body in the mirror, see your muscles full of blood and feel the muscle working hard while you lifted that barbell. Remember how it felt yesterday when you finished those lunges - glimpsing in the mirror to see perfect form everytime - feeling that fatigue in your leg muscles and a huge sense of acheivement. Remember saturday.. remember how you almost cried with happiness that you managed to wipe 40secs off your 1km time trial. Remember sunday.. remember how your husband said he was amazed and proud that you ran up that mountain.. remember Cam clapping and cheering as you rounded the last corner.. remember how that felt!
Everyday there are success to be found, moments where you amaze yourself with what you have acheived, how far you have come from that little lost soul trapped inside her house by fear. You are amazing, extraordinary even!
Now, promise me.. you must find something everyday to remember. Something that you have done that is amazing, a success, an achievement, something positive and wonderful. Write it down for me and you, to remember on those days when it is hard to feel the ground beneath our feet.
Love you always and forever
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Week 5 begins on a High!
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| My muscles! |
So yup, I am feeling nice and powerful today (And yes, the big muscly people can stop giggling in the back row). My workout went well. I did my rowing/push-up circuit okay - on toes, and went through the rest quite well. the lat-pull downs at 23kg, the assisted chins at 43kg (12kg) with 3 sets of 6, reverse pull-ups on the treadmill bar (these felt off though), 6kg for the dumbbell chest press on fitball, dropset was the cable row which I did 8/8 reps at 30 and 23 kg, cable crossover I did at 36kg (it said it was equivelent to 1/4 the weight shown) but I am not sure if I am doing these right, and the chest press on incline I did with 15kg on the bar (I think the bar is 1-2kg). My final set of pushups really were hard - not painful, just the muscles didn't even seem to be there (3x8reps). The abs circuit was good... the planks I did on toes for the first circuit at 1min, then 3mins on knees with no problem for the other two. The assisted cruch with medicine ball was great - I think I need more of these as that is where I am stuggling to move up the abs levels!
I walked away feeling fantastic.. 250cals easily burnt and my first 500ml of water down the hatch!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Climb that mountain!
My MiniMilestone was a big one this week and very nearly didn't happen. I have struggled with my JFDI this week, struggled with decisions beyond my control, and am still in the recovery phase after a bout of illness. I woke this morning with a massive headache (continuing from last night) which I think was due to using a little too much of my neck yesterday.. but more on that later! I did it though, I ran/walked/shuffled up Mt Archer - 5km, and 474m up (last time it said 380m up though so who knows!).
So my weekend started yesterday with my fitness test first up! I wasnt' feeling the best but I had commited to meeting Nat (Snowbear, aka Poptart Lady) for my first ever Body Pump class! I had not done what I should have done on Thursday (because I had to work) and Friday (because I was a lazy ass), so I need to get my fitness test done that morning or it wasnt' going to happen. So JFDI...
I did my 1km time trial in 4: 59 ! I almost cried! That is an improvement on my original 5: 36 from 4 weeks ago. I am well and truely in advanced for cardio fitness.
Push-Ups: I did 34 in the 60 secs - I ran out of time rather then got too fatigued as I was on rough ground and was shifting around a bit. I am sure I can improve on that again.
Wall Sit: I did worse in! I only lasted 1:07 rather then the 1: 19 of last time. I am thinking it was form thing though - I remember last time I was thinking that the wall was a bit rough and holding me up a bit! This time I felt like I was doing it properly!
Ab Stage: I am still at 0! I thought I might get there but I can't get past a crunch. It could be a form thing, or it could be that after 3 children I have a lot of core work to do! I am working on it, but I may need to up the ante if I really want to get a sit up done!
Flexibility: I managed to hit the 0 mark with some effort on the third go, and a bit of a bounce to it as well... not sure if it really counts. Still a huge improvement on 5cm short of 0! Another intermediate for this one!
So all up, my fitness is 1x advanced, 3x intermediate, and 1x beginner! Good improvements all round, and a good indication on what I need to work on.
Now, next big thing was that I did my first Pump class, and followed it with an hours cardio to hit 500cals for the day! A huge thankyou to Nat (Snowbear) for being my motivation and companion in pain! I went low on weights, really could have done a lot more but will see how I go next week. I like the idea of Body Attack plus Body Pump as my super Saturday, and then a nice slow Balance class on Sunday! I will trial doing a FitBall class as my core workout this week as well, and I might even try a Zumba class for fun on Tuesday (though this conflicts with my 'reading' at school). What is even more awesome though, is that this is now a pretty minor thing, to do a new class. A few weeks back, it was a major thing - I would have worried before hand, stressed out about it, spent the class with my 'nerves' on high.. It would have big deal! But now, it is normal to do this. How awesome is that!
Okay, up to the big deal for today... 5km, 400+ elevation, 500+ calories later, and one mountain conquered! That is right, I walked it two weeks ago with Ash and Kobie in about 1hr and 10mins, but this week I tackled it alone and with a time in mind.. under an hour! I did it in under 55mins, and that was with a fair bit of stopping and walking towards the end! I took a few photos along the way, I kept thinking.. this must be the last corner.. and taking a photo, only to find it was not the last corner, so I have 3 photos of the 'last corner' lol! My wonderful family were waiting for me at the top and ran the last 50m with me!
So my weekend started yesterday with my fitness test first up! I wasnt' feeling the best but I had commited to meeting Nat (Snowbear, aka Poptart Lady) for my first ever Body Pump class! I had not done what I should have done on Thursday (because I had to work) and Friday (because I was a lazy ass), so I need to get my fitness test done that morning or it wasnt' going to happen. So JFDI...
I did my 1km time trial in 4: 59 ! I almost cried! That is an improvement on my original 5: 36 from 4 weeks ago. I am well and truely in advanced for cardio fitness.
Push-Ups: I did 34 in the 60 secs - I ran out of time rather then got too fatigued as I was on rough ground and was shifting around a bit. I am sure I can improve on that again.
Wall Sit: I did worse in! I only lasted 1:07 rather then the 1: 19 of last time. I am thinking it was form thing though - I remember last time I was thinking that the wall was a bit rough and holding me up a bit! This time I felt like I was doing it properly!
Ab Stage: I am still at 0! I thought I might get there but I can't get past a crunch. It could be a form thing, or it could be that after 3 children I have a lot of core work to do! I am working on it, but I may need to up the ante if I really want to get a sit up done!
Flexibility: I managed to hit the 0 mark with some effort on the third go, and a bit of a bounce to it as well... not sure if it really counts. Still a huge improvement on 5cm short of 0! Another intermediate for this one!
So all up, my fitness is 1x advanced, 3x intermediate, and 1x beginner! Good improvements all round, and a good indication on what I need to work on.
Now, next big thing was that I did my first Pump class, and followed it with an hours cardio to hit 500cals for the day! A huge thankyou to Nat (Snowbear) for being my motivation and companion in pain! I went low on weights, really could have done a lot more but will see how I go next week. I like the idea of Body Attack plus Body Pump as my super Saturday, and then a nice slow Balance class on Sunday! I will trial doing a FitBall class as my core workout this week as well, and I might even try a Zumba class for fun on Tuesday (though this conflicts with my 'reading' at school). What is even more awesome though, is that this is now a pretty minor thing, to do a new class. A few weeks back, it was a major thing - I would have worried before hand, stressed out about it, spent the class with my 'nerves' on high.. It would have big deal! But now, it is normal to do this. How awesome is that!
Okay, up to the big deal for today... 5km, 400+ elevation, 500+ calories later, and one mountain conquered! That is right, I walked it two weeks ago with Ash and Kobie in about 1hr and 10mins, but this week I tackled it alone and with a time in mind.. under an hour! I did it in under 55mins, and that was with a fair bit of stopping and walking towards the end! I took a few photos along the way, I kept thinking.. this must be the last corner.. and taking a photo, only to find it was not the last corner, so I have 3 photos of the 'last corner' lol! My wonderful family were waiting for me at the top and ran the last 50m with me!
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| From Runkeeper: It was fairly accurate this time! The pictures were taken were the photo snaps are indicated on the map! |
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| The veiw from abotu 3/4 the way up. Looking down at Rockhampton. |
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| Is this the last bend? |
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| Surely this must be the last bend? |
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| Nope, it wasn't the last bend but the view was awesome! |
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| Now this one was the last bend! Up the top there is about another 50m round a steep corner to get to the carpark (or you can take the stairs! :o). |
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| Yup I made it to the top and still had the energy to smile! My heart sure loves me today! |
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Week 4 Re-connection
Week 3-4 is a hard time for nearly everyone on the program. The gloss wears off, reality starts to creep in, and newly formed habits start to become difficult. We have to begin to push ourselves harder to acheive the same goals and all of this combined means a lot of people give up. For this reason, Mish has posted some fantastic advice to help us to stay motivated and to re-connect with the program. Everyone will do this differently but I have decided to blog my thoughts and ideas as I re-focus and re-connect!
Reflection
I want you to reflect on the three main areas where you are having setbacks. It could be around dinner time portion sizes, eating after dinner, skipping breakfast, skipping workouts etc. Let’s face it, we’re pretty predictable. What you had trouble with yesterday, I’m guessing you’ll struggle with today. Whatever area’s you are struggling with. I want you to write down:
WHAT - it is you are struggling with (eg overeating at dinner)
I am struggling at the moment to stay on task, to attend my gym sessions and complete the workout (even when I do go I cut corners!), and to stick to the 1200cals. I tend to eat family meals and even take-out is coming into play. I am also doing nighttime snacks (a sundae, a block of chocolate, and a bag of chips) which is not good!
WHY - this is a problem (It means my daily calories are blowing out, and my weight isn’t changing)
Both of the above! I am stuck at 55.9 and I so want to get below 55kg - the goal is under 50kg eventually but for this round I wanted to hit 51kg.
HOW - are you going to fix this? (put a fool-proof plan of action in place, such as a filling afternoon snack, pre portioning the leftovers in correct portion sizes, cleaning teeth as soon as finished, and a healthy dose of willpower flexing!). If you are having trouble thinking of ways to fix, post it in the forums, chances are your fellow family members will have some top suggestions for you.
Fixing it comes firstly down to a bit of JFDI. The times for my gym sessions are realistic and doable for me.. heading in for a 9am to 10am session is the earliest I can get there, and trying to go later just increases my chances of being 'too tired/sick/lazy'. Food wise, I will put some time in tomorrow to get some meals frozen for lunches - I have been able to get over my aversion to frozen meals and have been having my soups so I reckon it is a good start. I have my set snacks.. bodybalance bar, yogurt, baked beans, boiled egg.. but I think I need to expand my options! I also need to meal plan so the meals we are eating, I can have my reduced calorie version (and a high calorie version for underweight members of the family!).
Recognition
I want you to recognize how far you’ve come in four short weeks. For some of you it’s evident in your body shape. Scales are going down, measurements changing. For others it’s physical achievements in your workouts. What is hard to measure but even more important is your head space changes. Even if they aren’t consistent yet, I want you to write down:
WHAT - are the main head space changes you have noticed (eg I play the victim/blame game much less frequently, I have a JFDI attitude etc)
I think I have had a major breakthrough this round with my mindset. I battle with perfection every day and this round I am really let it go. I think being asked to be an ambassador has helped so much, to be recognised as being a positive member of the group even though my weightloss has not been significant. I love that I can now say that it is okay that I skipped the a few workouts this week - I haven't failed, I am not destined to never achieve my goal, I just had a bad week and next week will be a great one!
HOW - is this affecting your life and/or how you feel (I now feel in control, I am less moody etc)
Well, I think it is affecting my life in a very positive way. It is improving my confidence beyond what I thought possible. I don't need to be perfect - that takes so much stress off! I will always keep my expectations and goals high, but I know that I can still acheive my goals without killing myself trying!
WHAT - can you do to ensure these head-space changes keep occurring (eg keep re-setting my goals, keep learning Mish’s lessons etc)
The forums really are the best place to get your mind-set lessons. Often I find that it is helping others - in trying to explain myself, that I begin to understand my own mind and why I do things. Honestly, I never even realised I had let go of my perfection until I was responding to a thread and trying to help someone by letting them know that is okay to 'fall off the wagon' because there is no wagon. It is just life, and sometimes it is messy, but you just keep going. And I think the same goes for answering this question.. these head space changes will keep occurring as long as I keep going. We can't help but grow and learn as long as we keep moving forward!
Re-Commitment
This is the clincher. Whether you’ve flown or flopped thus far, I want you to re-set your new one month goals, and re-commit to me, to your loved ones, and most importantly to yourself.
WHAT - are your new one month goals. You may even need to adjust your 3,6,12 month goals (write them down in the My Mission section above)
One month goals.. I'm going to walk/run up Mt Archer tomorrow, and again in 2wks, and again 2wks after that (Weeks 4, 6, and 8) and improve each time. I want to stick with the L&S program and follow it as best I can, but forgiving myself if I can't do some of them. I am also going to drop 2kg quickly and easily over the next month! And I will move up an ab stage at some point - even if it does kill me!
HOW - are you going to get there (plan your calendar for the next few weeks, from shopping, cooking to workouts)
This afternoon I will do my meal plan for this week and shop tomorrow including doing some frozen meals for lunches. I will check over the exercise plan, setting up my schedule for this week (the exercise plan is monthly so I should be doing the same thing for 4wks) and will schedule in my mountain days! I need to make sure I am under 1400cals, as close to 1200cals as possible.
COMMIT - Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and re-commit. Take it day by day, meal by meal, workout by workout. Remember it’s the tiny little decisions every day that are the important ones. Get on top of these and you’ll be on-top of the world!
I can an will do this. Dropping the kilos is the most important thing, followed by getting my weights up. I want to stick with the program as long as possible - I want to L&S this round, then 2 round of L&F, and another round of L&S - hopefully at which point I will have enough fitness to really build muscle and be a contender for a placing! I can and will do this!
Reflection
I want you to reflect on the three main areas where you are having setbacks. It could be around dinner time portion sizes, eating after dinner, skipping breakfast, skipping workouts etc. Let’s face it, we’re pretty predictable. What you had trouble with yesterday, I’m guessing you’ll struggle with today. Whatever area’s you are struggling with. I want you to write down:
WHAT - it is you are struggling with (eg overeating at dinner)
I am struggling at the moment to stay on task, to attend my gym sessions and complete the workout (even when I do go I cut corners!), and to stick to the 1200cals. I tend to eat family meals and even take-out is coming into play. I am also doing nighttime snacks (a sundae, a block of chocolate, and a bag of chips) which is not good!
WHY - this is a problem (It means my daily calories are blowing out, and my weight isn’t changing)
Both of the above! I am stuck at 55.9 and I so want to get below 55kg - the goal is under 50kg eventually but for this round I wanted to hit 51kg.
HOW - are you going to fix this? (put a fool-proof plan of action in place, such as a filling afternoon snack, pre portioning the leftovers in correct portion sizes, cleaning teeth as soon as finished, and a healthy dose of willpower flexing!). If you are having trouble thinking of ways to fix, post it in the forums, chances are your fellow family members will have some top suggestions for you.
Fixing it comes firstly down to a bit of JFDI. The times for my gym sessions are realistic and doable for me.. heading in for a 9am to 10am session is the earliest I can get there, and trying to go later just increases my chances of being 'too tired/sick/lazy'. Food wise, I will put some time in tomorrow to get some meals frozen for lunches - I have been able to get over my aversion to frozen meals and have been having my soups so I reckon it is a good start. I have my set snacks.. bodybalance bar, yogurt, baked beans, boiled egg.. but I think I need to expand my options! I also need to meal plan so the meals we are eating, I can have my reduced calorie version (and a high calorie version for underweight members of the family!).
Recognition
I want you to recognize how far you’ve come in four short weeks. For some of you it’s evident in your body shape. Scales are going down, measurements changing. For others it’s physical achievements in your workouts. What is hard to measure but even more important is your head space changes. Even if they aren’t consistent yet, I want you to write down:
WHAT - are the main head space changes you have noticed (eg I play the victim/blame game much less frequently, I have a JFDI attitude etc)
I think I have had a major breakthrough this round with my mindset. I battle with perfection every day and this round I am really let it go. I think being asked to be an ambassador has helped so much, to be recognised as being a positive member of the group even though my weightloss has not been significant. I love that I can now say that it is okay that I skipped the a few workouts this week - I haven't failed, I am not destined to never achieve my goal, I just had a bad week and next week will be a great one!
HOW - is this affecting your life and/or how you feel (I now feel in control, I am less moody etc)
Well, I think it is affecting my life in a very positive way. It is improving my confidence beyond what I thought possible. I don't need to be perfect - that takes so much stress off! I will always keep my expectations and goals high, but I know that I can still acheive my goals without killing myself trying!
WHAT - can you do to ensure these head-space changes keep occurring (eg keep re-setting my goals, keep learning Mish’s lessons etc)
The forums really are the best place to get your mind-set lessons. Often I find that it is helping others - in trying to explain myself, that I begin to understand my own mind and why I do things. Honestly, I never even realised I had let go of my perfection until I was responding to a thread and trying to help someone by letting them know that is okay to 'fall off the wagon' because there is no wagon. It is just life, and sometimes it is messy, but you just keep going. And I think the same goes for answering this question.. these head space changes will keep occurring as long as I keep going. We can't help but grow and learn as long as we keep moving forward!
Re-Commitment
This is the clincher. Whether you’ve flown or flopped thus far, I want you to re-set your new one month goals, and re-commit to me, to your loved ones, and most importantly to yourself.
WHAT - are your new one month goals. You may even need to adjust your 3,6,12 month goals (write them down in the My Mission section above)
One month goals.. I'm going to walk/run up Mt Archer tomorrow, and again in 2wks, and again 2wks after that (Weeks 4, 6, and 8) and improve each time. I want to stick with the L&S program and follow it as best I can, but forgiving myself if I can't do some of them. I am also going to drop 2kg quickly and easily over the next month! And I will move up an ab stage at some point - even if it does kill me!
HOW - are you going to get there (plan your calendar for the next few weeks, from shopping, cooking to workouts)
This afternoon I will do my meal plan for this week and shop tomorrow including doing some frozen meals for lunches. I will check over the exercise plan, setting up my schedule for this week (the exercise plan is monthly so I should be doing the same thing for 4wks) and will schedule in my mountain days! I need to make sure I am under 1400cals, as close to 1200cals as possible.
COMMIT - Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and re-commit. Take it day by day, meal by meal, workout by workout. Remember it’s the tiny little decisions every day that are the important ones. Get on top of these and you’ll be on-top of the world!
I can an will do this. Dropping the kilos is the most important thing, followed by getting my weights up. I want to stick with the program as long as possible - I want to L&S this round, then 2 round of L&F, and another round of L&S - hopefully at which point I will have enough fitness to really build muscle and be a contender for a placing! I can and will do this!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Support
Time to give a shout out! Who or what is your greatest support? Share the love! Give your thanks!
Is it your mum? Your partner? Your bestie??
The forums? Twitter? Facebook??
Maybe it's your faithful dog?
Your HRM that never tells a lie
Let's take the time to recognise those in our life that keep us going day by day!
Be grateful! Write it down!
Support: What is it? A person or thing who bears the weight, stops you from falling.
Well, as I am falling right now, this sounds like a great question. Who am I reaching for? What is helping me to stop my fall?
I have called to talk to my Mum, and two of my sisters, all of whom offered great advice.. but no-one can make this decision for me. Just having someone to call really helped though.. maybe that is support. No matter what I choose I know that they would help me if I needed it.
Next I spoke to my husband. Now, whether or not he supports me is a big question. I know that he means well, I know that he wants me to acheive - but at what cost to him? I get frustrated that he cannot seem to do the housework or childcare/parenting as well as I can. That he wont do some things that I feel are important - but that is just who he is. It is not on purpose! I am looking to him right now to help me with my choice but he cannot stop me falling. I don't think he even realises that I am falling.
Things are tough right now. I dont' know if I want my PhD now - it has all gotten too hard. But am I just running away? Or am I making a wise decision based on reality? But withstanding that, why do I suddenly decide to withdraw from life. Why start making bad food choices, not going to the gym, not buying my plane ticket. Because I am stressed and I don't where I will be. I hate being undecided and up in the air. I just want a decision made and acted upon!
So who is going to stop me from me falling? Myself. I am my greatest support. I am the only one who can stop me falling back down into that hole. It is just a simple choice... I just need to say NO! To take that next step on the path I choose!
Now I am going to go get a cuppa.. print out my workout for this afternoon and then do some problem solving! I need to choose my new path!
Is it your mum? Your partner? Your bestie??
The forums? Twitter? Facebook??
Maybe it's your faithful dog?
Your HRM that never tells a lie
Let's take the time to recognise those in our life that keep us going day by day!
Be grateful! Write it down!
Support: What is it? A person or thing who bears the weight, stops you from falling.
Well, as I am falling right now, this sounds like a great question. Who am I reaching for? What is helping me to stop my fall?
I have called to talk to my Mum, and two of my sisters, all of whom offered great advice.. but no-one can make this decision for me. Just having someone to call really helped though.. maybe that is support. No matter what I choose I know that they would help me if I needed it.
Next I spoke to my husband. Now, whether or not he supports me is a big question. I know that he means well, I know that he wants me to acheive - but at what cost to him? I get frustrated that he cannot seem to do the housework or childcare/parenting as well as I can. That he wont do some things that I feel are important - but that is just who he is. It is not on purpose! I am looking to him right now to help me with my choice but he cannot stop me falling. I don't think he even realises that I am falling.
Things are tough right now. I dont' know if I want my PhD now - it has all gotten too hard. But am I just running away? Or am I making a wise decision based on reality? But withstanding that, why do I suddenly decide to withdraw from life. Why start making bad food choices, not going to the gym, not buying my plane ticket. Because I am stressed and I don't where I will be. I hate being undecided and up in the air. I just want a decision made and acted upon!
So who is going to stop me from me falling? Myself. I am my greatest support. I am the only one who can stop me falling back down into that hole. It is just a simple choice... I just need to say NO! To take that next step on the path I choose!
Now I am going to go get a cuppa.. print out my workout for this afternoon and then do some problem solving! I need to choose my new path!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
A fork in the road...
I hate making decisions.
I know I want my Phd. Why do I want it though? The prestige, the acheivement, the knowledge, the skills, etc but do I want the job at the end? Do I want a job where I will always be competing and proving my intelligence? Where I need to produce, produce, produce.. constantly fighting for grants for my research.
I don't think I will ever have the capacity to lead a research team, I am just not brave enough for that (not yet anyway). But I love doing lab work. I love doing things that others can't - things that challenge me. I want to be working in a lab, doing research that I know, understand and love. I want to do immunology and disease research - cancer research even. Not as the head of a lab, but as the member of a team, working toward a common goal. I want to feel valued and important.
So the first option, which is to quit altogether and get a job, really doesn't feel like an option. Though really, as a back up plan, it is probably okay. I could get a job in research somewhere and get my PhD further on down the line in a feild of research I already have knowledge and experience in.
I don't know how it would look having a year of a PhD already done though, would that mean that if I did a PhD in the future, I would only have two and a bit years left to do it in. I would rather go for my masters if that was the case.
And that is my second option. Get a masters instead. That would give us a few months in the lab to get me settled and confident and in the right direction and then I would be on my way. It would depend on getting either Jennelle or Fiona to supervise here.
And that brings me to my third option - heading down to the Uni of Western Sydney and finishing there - that covers a few options in fact. I could see if there is a RA job there and work for a year or so before moving into a PhD, or I could see if I could do my work at their lab while still obtaining my PhD under the CQU banner.
No matter what, I need to stay until the end of the year. Dave has just started getting decent hours at work, I have some work coming up which should ease things financially, and I feel like things are just starting to work for me.
So I feel like my options are that if I want to stay here, I need to change topics. If I stick with this topic I can opt out at a masters, or I can change universities somehow!
To be continued!
I know I want my Phd. Why do I want it though? The prestige, the acheivement, the knowledge, the skills, etc but do I want the job at the end? Do I want a job where I will always be competing and proving my intelligence? Where I need to produce, produce, produce.. constantly fighting for grants for my research.
I don't think I will ever have the capacity to lead a research team, I am just not brave enough for that (not yet anyway). But I love doing lab work. I love doing things that others can't - things that challenge me. I want to be working in a lab, doing research that I know, understand and love. I want to do immunology and disease research - cancer research even. Not as the head of a lab, but as the member of a team, working toward a common goal. I want to feel valued and important.
So the first option, which is to quit altogether and get a job, really doesn't feel like an option. Though really, as a back up plan, it is probably okay. I could get a job in research somewhere and get my PhD further on down the line in a feild of research I already have knowledge and experience in.
I don't know how it would look having a year of a PhD already done though, would that mean that if I did a PhD in the future, I would only have two and a bit years left to do it in. I would rather go for my masters if that was the case.
And that is my second option. Get a masters instead. That would give us a few months in the lab to get me settled and confident and in the right direction and then I would be on my way. It would depend on getting either Jennelle or Fiona to supervise here.
And that brings me to my third option - heading down to the Uni of Western Sydney and finishing there - that covers a few options in fact. I could see if there is a RA job there and work for a year or so before moving into a PhD, or I could see if I could do my work at their lab while still obtaining my PhD under the CQU banner.
No matter what, I need to stay until the end of the year. Dave has just started getting decent hours at work, I have some work coming up which should ease things financially, and I feel like things are just starting to work for me.
So I feel like my options are that if I want to stay here, I need to change topics. If I stick with this topic I can opt out at a masters, or I can change universities somehow!
To be continued!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Week 2 Wrap Up
I didn't blog as much this week as I have had quite a hectic time of it on top of being unwell. Not dramatically unwell, just a headcold! Unfortunatly it blew my mindset a bit and I have let the nutrition slip a little and missed my super saturdays. But today I blew my mindset out of the water by climbing a mountain...
I did my workouts throughout the week and really enjoyed them! I upped my weights on a lot of things and have finally got my lunges worked out! Interestingly, my DOMS in the upper body have eased, while the lower body is now killing me! It feels sooo good to have that pain though! I know that I have worked hard! I did slack off on the cardio a little, mostly due to the congestion from the cold (I'm a mouth breather now! lol), but otherwise I have done okay. OH, I did skip wednesday's core - I thought I could do it at my office, but didn't wear the right clothes or take a gym mat so of course it didn't get done. Core day is at the gym from now on!
I am cheating a bit with my calories as well, I am super hungry at night and have been snacking. I had pizza one night and found I slept through (no midnight snacking) so I am thinking that I may be underestimating my calorie intake during the day and if I am more careful I might be able to get a good night's sleep! so this week I will be tracking on calorie king for the week and see how I go!
Weigh in was frustrating.. my new scales came up with 55.9 kg but I missed the rest so jumped back on - up to over 57kg and then the next two turns were in the 56 range. Checked on my old scales and got 55.4 to 55.9 so I went with 55.9kg for the official weigh-in. It has only registered as a .75g loss as it takes from my original weight (last week I had a gain to 57.2kg) so the loss was closer to a kilo. Not sure how I will go this week as I haven't stuck to the meal plan too well.
Now, I did mention that I skipped wednesdays workout, and super saturday, due to bad planning and this head cold, but... I made up for it today!
Today, I climbed a mountain! Literally!
It is a lovely 5km track to the top (and we walked back down again) but the climb is quite steep in parts! It is 604m above sea level, but, according to runkeeper, it was a 340m elevation from where we began, and then back down again. 650cals burnt! To make it even more special, I completed it with Kobie and Ash from the 12wbt! We just need to convince Snowbear to come along as well!
My goal is now to run it.. I'm going to try next fortnight, as part of my mini milestone!
I did my workouts throughout the week and really enjoyed them! I upped my weights on a lot of things and have finally got my lunges worked out! Interestingly, my DOMS in the upper body have eased, while the lower body is now killing me! It feels sooo good to have that pain though! I know that I have worked hard! I did slack off on the cardio a little, mostly due to the congestion from the cold (I'm a mouth breather now! lol), but otherwise I have done okay. OH, I did skip wednesday's core - I thought I could do it at my office, but didn't wear the right clothes or take a gym mat so of course it didn't get done. Core day is at the gym from now on!
I am cheating a bit with my calories as well, I am super hungry at night and have been snacking. I had pizza one night and found I slept through (no midnight snacking) so I am thinking that I may be underestimating my calorie intake during the day and if I am more careful I might be able to get a good night's sleep! so this week I will be tracking on calorie king for the week and see how I go!
Weigh in was frustrating.. my new scales came up with 55.9 kg but I missed the rest so jumped back on - up to over 57kg and then the next two turns were in the 56 range. Checked on my old scales and got 55.4 to 55.9 so I went with 55.9kg for the official weigh-in. It has only registered as a .75g loss as it takes from my original weight (last week I had a gain to 57.2kg) so the loss was closer to a kilo. Not sure how I will go this week as I haven't stuck to the meal plan too well.
Now, I did mention that I skipped wednesdays workout, and super saturday, due to bad planning and this head cold, but... I made up for it today!
Today, I climbed a mountain! Literally!
It is a lovely 5km track to the top (and we walked back down again) but the climb is quite steep in parts! It is 604m above sea level, but, according to runkeeper, it was a 340m elevation from where we began, and then back down again. 650cals burnt! To make it even more special, I completed it with Kobie and Ash from the 12wbt! We just need to convince Snowbear to come along as well!
My goal is now to run it.. I'm going to try next fortnight, as part of my mini milestone!
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