Ummm.... Where am I going?

Not only am I lost.. but I have no idea where I am supposed to be!

Yes, I am 35yo and don't know what I should be doing!  I know I want to be fit and healthy - well, thin mostly - but thin and healthy and strong!  I don't want to be a fitness guru or or have a mega-buff body.  I don't want to be a marathon runner - well, that is a maybe - I do like to run!

I just know that one of the pre-season tasks will be about goal setting and although I can easily say.. I want to be 50kg.. it isn't really a goal that is well, doable!  I can exercise and I can stick to a diet plan, but I can't control exactly what kilos I will lose.  I'm not in direct control of it. 

I also know that one of my 'excuses' is a fear of what I will become afterward.  I don't want to commit to becoming some fitness freak.  I dont' want to have to 'train' to maintain.  I'm scared I am commiting to a life long 'stress' of keeping up with myself.  I want to be 'content' and 'settled' in what I am doing and not feel like I am constantly pushing myself.

But then part of me relishes the idea of being competitive, being able to run 10k.. I don't know if I have the patience for a marathon!  But 10k I could do!

I also know that I want to learn to swim - summer is coming and both myself and my children need to learn to swim at some point.  Of course I have an excuse of not having any money, but then I have no idea how much swimming lessons cost!  I am looking into this week though and have even found a 'teach your kids to swim' website which is free!  Uswim website for anyone interested! 

See.. no excuses.  If you can't afford to do it the 'normal' way, then find a way to achieve your goals!  If you want something bad enough you will find a way!

So how do I see myself at the end of this..

I see myself with quite a few kilo's gone.. I would ideally like to be around the 50kg mark. 

I will be able to run my 5ks easily and should have run a 10k run by the end as well.

My stomach should be close to flat, and my double chin should be gone!

I want to have a bit more flexibility.

I see myself drinking water and only my morning cuppa.

I see salads and vegies, lean proteins - less of the meat kind and more legumes.

I see chocolate being a small part of a dessert made of yogurt and fruits, in a small serving.

I see myself waking up in the morning and going for my run, doing some stretching afterward.

I see swimming lessons once a week, walking most afternoons, and some strength training 2 or 3 times a week for 20mins or so - targeted for body shaping rather then general!

mmm... see, I know exactly what I have to do. 

Sigh.. I dont' even know what I am saying now.  I need to go eat dinner now that I have devoured a full family block of chocolate on my own. 

I am lost and need to find my way home.

edited later to add.  I can see what I am doing.  I am losing focus.  I want too much and I am going to end up failing because I can't achieve it all.  I will focus this three months on setting up some basic habits and wont 'over think' it.  I will follow the exercise and eating plan given to me - that's it.  In that exercise plan I will move toward learning the swim and running, and getting a stretching routine going for my running.

See!  That wasn't so hard!  Now I am ready for when I am asked what my goals are.  Follow the Plan!