Planning for Week 7

It has been great this week, with the challenge I gave myself to try all the classes at the gym.  So I missed bodyJam on Monday - it was only one class and I went on to conquer the next two 'new classes' and now have just two to go to complete my goal!  I've decided I need to plan for week 7 in advance to set myself new challenges and goals and stay motivated!

 

I will do my meal planning this week and Sunday will be cook- up day!  Cauliflower soup, Pumpkin soup, Broccoli soup and the yummy Chicken soup!  I reckon I might have to do a Nat's Lasagne, and Nacho's as well!  Given it is school holidays, I will see if I can spread the cooking out so I am doing a bit at home each morning!  I will write my meal plan and shopping list on here if I can!

Exercise -  I really liked doing the classes this week but I also need to stick to my L&S program a bit more.  I really like boxfit - that will be on my permenant schedule I think.. I have a feeling kickboxing might make it there too!  Body combat has been cancelled but I really like body attack and body pump double on the Saturday (but that means missing out on doing the SSS designed by Mish).

I will add more here as I go..

Update:  as at sunday evening!

I cooked up the Indian Chickpea Soup, printed out my meal plan and recipes, made up a shopping list and went shopping!  I have everything I could possibly need to be healthy this week!

Gym time: 6pm-8pm
Monday: upper and bodyjam
Tuesday: lower and boxfit
Wednesday: upper
Thursday: strong man training
Friday: kickboxing and core work (leave earlier -starts at 6pm)
Saturday: SSS
Sunday: Rest day

Food Diary for Week 6/7

Weigh in: 55.4kg

Wednesday
In: 1380
Out:  580  (Strength plus RPM)

Thursday
(55.0kg)
In: 1350
Out:  430 (Strong Man Training - loved it!)

Friday
(54.9kg)
In: 1450
Out:  -350 (Kickboxing - loved it!)

Saturday
(54.8kg)
In: 1400-1500  (Dave prepared roast lamb and vege for dinner so had to guestimate the cals!)
Out: -520cals  (Mish's SSS -1hr 30mins) 

Sunday
(55.1kg)
In: 1700 (maybe more - total blowout on cupcakes and M&Ms
Out:  Rest Day

Monday
(54.6kg)
In:  1400
Out: -300 (strength)

Tuesday
(54.7kg)
In: 1300
Out: -500 (boxfit and strength)

Weigh In
54.6kg
(Goal: 54.9kg)

Choc strawberry Snack!

4 medium strawberries (80g)
1 heaped tablespoon of ricotta (extra light) (35g)
1 heaped teaspoon of milo (5g)

Method:

Chop strawberries into bite sized peices, stir through the ricotta, sprinkle with milo and stir as you eat!

Prep Time:  <5mins
Energy: 60cals
Protein: 5g
Fat: 1.3g
Carb: 6g
Fibre: 1.4g

Notes:  I tried to take a photo but it somehow managed to get eaten before I had a chance! lol

My Rest and Reward Day!

I've worked hard this week, and I am honestly amazed I have stuck so well with the program this time.  I am thrilled to be here still even though I am not losing weight as yet (0.85kg doesnt' count!).  Yes, I lost some in preseason too...  Anyway, I decided to take today as a true rest and reward day!  Go-carting racing, a trip to the beach for lunch, and then an afternoon reading!

My four men!  Cam, JD, Dave, and Dyllan!

"Yeah baby!  I did that!"

Middle of winter and the boys just have to get in the water!

That's me, trying not to get wet in the rock pools!

Failure is NOT an option!

I watched the live feed with Talia the other night and she said "not succeeding was never an option" - Mish picked up on that phrase and asked "what does that look like?".  The 'Moment with Mish' hasn't left my mind, failing seems to be all I seem to do and there was one other great bit of advice.. tracking food and calories helps to keep one accountable.

These bits of advice have been floating around in my head ever since! I started my food diary on Calorie King straight away, logging that days food.  I then started my blog post for keeping track on a weekly basis (you should be able to find it in my post list for this month).  It is already working for me - I allowed myself to 'pick' yesterday and made a few 'not so good' choices with my food.  I was already out of routine as I missed my morning workout (I went, but DOMS in my neck/back and the resulting headache just didn't work! 10min rule followed and I chose to opt out) but I ended up having a run that afternoon after seeing just how many calories I had eaten!  If anyone is not doing it.. I highly recommend it!  If 1200cals per day is your goal, how do you know if you have met that goal unless you measure it?  I don't plan on calorie counting forever, but I do plan on getting my body used to good healthy food, and my mind used to seeing and feeling what 1200 cals looks like so I when I do stop calorie counting, I can be confident I am eating well!

I headed up this blog post as 'Failure is NOT an option' for a reason, as that is what I want to talk about.  Everyday I make excuses, be 'kind' to myself, and put things off until tomorrow.  I'm not failing I tell myself, but just re-negotiating. I didn't see anything wrong with this... I got where I wanted to be, just really really slowly.  And in all honestly, I wasn't really getting where I wanted to be.  I was getting close, but just not quite making it.  I fell short of 1st class Honours by 2%,  I have missed my goal date for finished my lit review (by a mile!), I haven't even managed to lose 5kg in a round yet, I have missed fitness tests, not met goals (not even checked what they are and forgotten about them!), I've not been meal planning or shopping, Oh hell, the list just goes on and on and on and on....  It is time to stop kidding myself!

Well, that is great, but how do I stop kidding myself.. how do I move on from here.  I am doing okay - getting to my workouts each day, just not putting in 100% - maybe 80%, getting frustrated that it is taking me over an hour to get the workout done so I am not finishing the abs and stretching.  In other words.. I am failing! Is accepting less then perfect okay?  Yup, for sure, and that has been an important step for me to realise and to still keep going even though I am not doing 100%.  But now I need to move on to the next lesson...

Failure is NOT an option!

What I want right now.. my real and true goals!
1. To lose weight and have a great strong body.
That means... a) stick to 1200 cals
and  b) follow my workouts to the letter!

Now, in order to meet a) I will need to keep my food diary, and in order to meet b) I will need to harden the f'up and get to the gym a bit earlier and leave a bit later.  Now, holidays are coming up which is going to throw a BIG spanner in the works.. but, I will just have to suck it up and go to the gym later in the day!

So how do I get in the right mindset to acheive these things?  Well this is what I am doing!  Last night I grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote by hand "Failure is NOT an option", and under it, I wrote 4 things I wanted to acheive today.

1) Finish my IL-6 structure section
2) Stick to 1200 cals for the day
3) New class - Fitball
4) Fill in some the contract for work.

These are things that WILL happen today - no matter what.  I went to fitball - I had to get the kids off to school a little earlier to get there in time, and Nat couldn't make so I went alone.  But I went.  Burnt a measly 100cals in 35mins but then went and did run/row intervals to burn off another 150cals in the next 25mins!
So far I am sticking to my cals - cooked up a yummy omlette after gym, had my oats for breakfast.. planned my snacks - just need to work out dinner!
Next I am going to collect all the papers I need for my IL-6 writing, will probably have to run into uni to use the internet/databases and printer to get some more papers as well - but write it I shall!
Filling in the contract will be my evening job!

So failure is not an option - off I go!

Week 5 Food and Exercise Log

Weigh in: 55.8kg

Wednesday
IN: 1250
OUT: -350 (Zumba + L&S indoors program)
Perfect!

Thursday
IN: 1600
OUT: -200 (run - had DOMS in back.. couldn't do todays L&S program)
Not so great choices today!

New Mantra.. failure is not an option!

Friday
IN: 1600
OUT: -250 (fitball plus cardio- no hrm so just a guess)

Saturday
IN: 1500
OUT: -750+ (body attack, body pump, plus 20mins cardio - no hrm so just a guess )

Sunday
IN: 1300
OUT:  went go-carting and to the beach!  Lots of fun, not many cals!

Monday
IN: 1300 -1400  (was doing great but munched on a few handful of Chex)
OUT: -250 (strength training - no hrm so just a guess)

Tuesday
IN: 1000 (wow.. a bit low!) I might adjust this tomorrow as I am sure I will end up having a midnight snack!
OUT: -250 (boxfit + strength training - no Hrm so just a guess)

Weigh In: 55.4kg  Yey!  I lost weight!
(Goal: 55.3kg)

How to choose your ideal weight

What is your ideal weight?  It is one of the those perplexing questions that doesn't really have an answer.  It comes down to a few factors..

1. what science says is your healthy weight range
2. what is a maintainable lifestyle for you
3. how you feel about your body
4. your health

Now I will break down that down, using myself as an example.

When I started on my weightloss/fitness journey, I started at 69.9kg - right on the border of 70kg.  Now for a lot of people, this is a fantastic healthy weight, but I am both short and fine boned.  Discounting the second factor, height and weight together give you a great general guide as to where you need to be to reduce health risks associated with weight.  These will allow you to calculate your BMI.  Now, BMI doesn't work for everyone so take note if you may fit into one of the exclusion groups!
At 69.9kg I was also right on the border of obesity.  At this point, I just wanted to be healthy so decided to set my goal at the border of a healthy weight range.. that was to reach 59.9kg.  Now if I use BMI as my only guide, then I get to sit anywhere between 48kg and 60kg.  That is an awfully large range and for some people, the top of the range is perfect, for others the lower end is perfect.. but how do you know which to choose?
http://michellebridges.com.au/tools/bmi-calculator/
The next thing I looked at was 'build' charts, or the 'met life' tables.  These are completly outdated and you need to be careful to an inch to your height, and if you are really really short, or really really tall.. they are way out!  I use my wrist as an indication of build.. I can wrap my finger and thumb around my wrist and have them overlap which means small build (touching is medium, not touching is large build)  - this gives me 108-121pounds or 49-55kg.  It fits with the BMI and gives me a second aim.. to be under 55kg.
http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/met.htm
Lastly, I look at my waist measurement but for others it maybe one of the first things -depends on your build.  I am unlucky to be an apple - I carry nearly all my weight in my torso (and not the boobs!).  My waist measured over 90cm before I started the 12wbt, over 1m when I was almost 70kg.  Now it is sitting just under 88cm which is fantastic... that was my first 'measurement' goal.  At 88+cm you are at a much higher risk of disease due to visceral fat around your vital organs, the next milestone is 80cm - once I get below that I will be in the 'normal' risk area.  This the vital information that prompted an entire government campaign that you probably already know.. the measure up program! 
http://www.measureup.gov.au/internet/abhi/publishing.nsf/content/home
The next measure you may want to look at is body fat.. I am at about 28% body fat which is healthy but not ideal. This is more for athletes and those building body mass however if you are dropping below 20% bodyfat just due general health and fitness then you need to think about the risks you are taking with your health.  To find out your bodyfat percent you can get a professional scan done (dexascan), or see your doctor or local gym to get a caliper test done.  I don't recommend body fat % scales as they seem wildly inaccurate unless you are spending $250+ on them.

Now, that is the first factor out of the way - the rest is really up to you.  You need to take into account the effort required to get to and maintain your 'ideal' weight.  If you have to regiment your diet and exercise to maintain then chances are it is not maintainable long term.  Unless you are a professional and are working toward a particular event, then want to be able to eat without counting calories and be able to enjoy your food and the occasional glass of wine.  Comfortable and healthy and easy - that will all determine were your 'ideal' weight lies - one that is maintainable long term for you and your lifestyle!

Next thing.. we all want to look good but hey, my 'good' might not be yours!  I want to be able to see some muscle so want to get as low as I can, but others are quite happy to maintain at a level where they have some softness and curves to their body (we all know that the boobs go first!).   This is such a personal thing and although not health related, it is still important!

Lastly - we want to be healthy!  Unless we are training for a specific competition, we need to have body fat in store for sickness, and to maintain a healthy balance in our bodies!  Too little body fat and we lose more then weight - our periods, hormones, growth, moods, hair, and all of our health will start to go.  If you are losing weight and starting to get sick more often, feel lethargic and run down or feeling any kind of unwell, you need to stop and think about your health.  Sometimes a rest is all we need, sometimes we need to listen to our bodies and realise our limits.  I was 43kg at one point in my adult life.  I developed a mental illness that I will never fully 'recover' from.  It will always haunt me.  Cause or effect?  I don't know, but I do know that maintaining a healthy body is essential for mental health!

A letter to me...

BLOG CHALLENGE # 4 - The things I want to say to me



I'm not sure where you are right now?
Are you on top of the world. Do you have that awesome - wish you could bottle it - on top of the world feeling?
Or are you struggling? Do you know you deserve better and you are trying to find your way forward?
I want you to write yourself a letter entitled "The things I want to say to me"

Use your letter to help you remember how awesome right now is. Encourage yourself. Pat yourself on the back.


Or if you are struggling confirm to yourself how much you deserve better. Be kind but tough to yourself. Reestablish the reasons why YOU DESERVE this. Find that fighter within.
The biggest rule is ... you have to build yourself up in this letter. Not knock yourself down.


You guys inspire me soooo much! I can't wait to read your letters!





To me:
 
OH, for god's sake woman!  Would you  just let yourself be for one minute?  Life is not a competition.. and you are doing great.  You do need to get your ass into gear and get that uni stuff done though.  Now, be proud of how far you have come.. you love how you are feeling right now, you love the feeling of success.  Yes, somedays are hard and the good feeling are harder to find, the goal harder to see, and sometimes even the solid ground under your feet is harder to feel and you feel like your are running off the edge of the world.  But close your eyes and trust in yourself.  You are strong, you are beautiful, you are smart, and you are worthy!
Remember today.  Remember how it felt to see your body in the mirror, see your muscles full of blood and feel the muscle working hard while you lifted that barbell.  Remember how it felt yesterday when you finished those lunges - glimpsing in the mirror to see perfect form everytime - feeling that fatigue in your leg muscles and a huge sense of acheivement.  Remember saturday.. remember how you almost cried with happiness that you managed to wipe 40secs off your 1km time trial.  Remember sunday.. remember how your husband said he was amazed and proud that you ran up that mountain.. remember Cam clapping and cheering as you rounded the last corner.. remember how that felt! 
Everyday there are success to be found, moments where you amaze yourself with what you have acheived, how far you have come from that little lost soul trapped inside her house by fear.  You are amazing, extraordinary even! 
Now, promise me.. you must find something everyday to remember.  Something that you have done that is amazing, a success, an achievement, something positive and wonderful.  Write it down for me and you, to remember on those days when it is hard to feel the ground beneath our feet.
 
Love you always and forever
 

Week 5 begins on a High!

My muscles!

So a bit of good lighting and a whole of workout and.. Can you see it?  That nice little muscle poking up just a tiny bit?  It took a lot of flexing energy to get that photo - in the middle of my final set of push-ups and the end of a chest/arms day. But there it is.. I can see it, feel it, and kiss it! 

So yup, I am feeling nice and powerful today (And yes, the big muscly people can stop giggling in the back row).  My workout went well.  I did my rowing/push-up circuit okay - on toes, and went through the rest quite well.  the lat-pull downs at 23kg, the assisted chins at 43kg (12kg) with 3 sets of 6, reverse pull-ups on the treadmill bar (these felt off though), 6kg for the dumbbell chest press on fitball, dropset was the cable row which I did 8/8 reps at 30 and 23 kg, cable crossover I did at 36kg (it said it was equivelent to 1/4 the weight shown) but I am not sure if I am doing these right, and the chest press on incline I did with 15kg on the bar (I think the bar is 1-2kg).  My final set of pushups really were hard - not painful, just the muscles didn't even seem to be there (3x8reps).  The abs circuit was good... the planks I did on toes for the first circuit at 1min, then 3mins on knees with no problem for the other two.  The assisted cruch with medicine ball was great - I think I need more of these as that is where I am stuggling to move up the abs levels!

I walked away feeling fantastic.. 250cals easily burnt and my first 500ml of water down the hatch!

Climb that mountain!

My MiniMilestone was a big one this week and very nearly didn't happen.  I have struggled with my JFDI this week, struggled with decisions beyond my control, and am still in the recovery phase after a bout of illness.  I woke this morning with a massive headache (continuing from last night) which I think was due to using a little too much of my neck yesterday.. but more on that later!  I did it though, I ran/walked/shuffled up Mt Archer - 5km, and 474m up (last time it said 380m up though so who knows!).

So my weekend started yesterday with my fitness test first up!  I wasnt' feeling the best but I had commited to meeting Nat (Snowbear, aka Poptart Lady) for my first ever Body Pump class!  I had not done what I should have done on Thursday (because I had to work) and Friday (because I was a lazy ass), so I need to get my fitness test done that morning or it wasnt' going to happen.  So JFDI...

I did my 1km time trial in 4: 59 !  I almost cried!  That is an improvement on my original 5: 36 from 4 weeks ago.  I am well and truely in advanced for cardio fitness.
Push-Ups:  I did 34 in the 60 secs - I ran out of time rather then got too fatigued as I was on rough ground and was shifting around a bit.  I am sure I can improve on that again.
Wall Sit: I did worse in!  I only lasted 1:07 rather then the 1: 19 of last time.  I am thinking it was  form thing though - I remember last time I was thinking that the wall was a bit rough and holding me  up a bit!  This time I felt like I was doing it properly!
Ab Stage:  I am still at 0!  I thought I might get there but I can't get past a crunch.  It could be a form thing, or it could be that after 3 children I have a lot of core work to do!  I am working on it, but I may need to up the ante if I really want to get a sit up done! 
Flexibility:  I managed to hit the 0 mark with some effort on the third go, and a bit of a bounce to it as well... not sure if it really counts.  Still a huge improvement on 5cm short of 0!  Another intermediate for this one!
So all up, my fitness is 1x advanced, 3x intermediate, and 1x beginner! Good improvements all round, and a good indication on what I need to work on.

Now, next big thing was that I did my first Pump class, and followed it with an hours cardio to hit 500cals for the day!  A huge thankyou to Nat (Snowbear) for being my motivation and companion in pain!  I went low on weights, really could have done a lot more but will see how I go next week.  I like the idea of Body Attack plus Body Pump as my super Saturday, and then a nice slow Balance class on Sunday!  I will trial doing a FitBall class as my core workout this week as well, and I might even try a Zumba class for fun on Tuesday (though this conflicts with my 'reading' at school).  What is even more awesome though, is that this is now a pretty minor thing, to do a new class.  A few weeks back, it was a major thing - I would have worried before hand, stressed out about it, spent the class with my 'nerves' on high.. It would have big deal!  But now, it is normal to do this.  How awesome is that!

Okay, up to the big deal for today... 5km, 400+ elevation, 500+ calories later, and one mountain conquered!  That is right, I walked it two weeks ago with Ash and Kobie in about 1hr and 10mins, but this week I tackled it alone and with a time in mind.. under an hour!  I did it in under 55mins, and that was with a fair bit of stopping and walking towards the end!  I took a few photos along the way, I kept thinking.. this must be the last corner.. and taking a photo, only to find it was not the last corner, so I have 3 photos of the 'last corner' lol!  My wonderful family were waiting for me at the top and ran the last 50m with me!

From Runkeeper:  It was fairly accurate this time!  The pictures were taken were the photo snaps are indicated on the map!

The veiw from abotu 3/4 the way up.  Looking down at Rockhampton.

Is this the last bend?

Surely this must be the last bend?

Nope, it wasn't the last bend but the view was awesome!

Now this one was the last bend!  Up the top there is about another 50m round a steep corner to get to the carpark (or you can take the stairs! :o).

Yup I made it to the top and still had the energy to smile!  My heart sure loves me today!

Week 4 Re-connection

Week 3-4 is a hard time for nearly everyone on the program.  The gloss wears off, reality starts to creep in, and newly formed habits start to become difficult.  We have to begin to push ourselves harder to acheive the same goals and all of this combined means a lot of people give up.  For this reason, Mish has posted some fantastic advice to help us to stay motivated and to re-connect with the program.  Everyone will do this differently but I have decided to blog my thoughts and ideas as I re-focus and re-connect!

Reflection
I want you to reflect on the three main areas where you are having setbacks. It could be around dinner time portion sizes, eating after dinner, skipping breakfast, skipping workouts etc. Let’s face it, we’re pretty predictable. What you had trouble with yesterday, I’m guessing you’ll struggle with today. Whatever area’s you are struggling with. I want you to write down:


WHAT - it is you are struggling with (eg overeating at dinner)
I am struggling at the moment to stay on task, to attend my gym sessions and complete the workout (even when I do go I cut corners!), and to stick to the 1200cals.  I tend to eat family meals and even take-out is coming into play.  I am also doing nighttime snacks (a sundae, a block of chocolate, and a bag of chips) which is not good!


WHY - this is a problem (It means my daily calories are blowing out, and my weight isn’t changing)
Both of the above!  I am stuck at 55.9 and I so want to get below 55kg - the goal is under 50kg eventually but for this round I wanted to hit 51kg.


HOW - are you going to fix this? (put a fool-proof plan of action in place, such as a filling afternoon snack, pre portioning the leftovers in correct portion sizes, cleaning teeth as soon as finished, and a healthy dose of willpower flexing!). If you are having trouble thinking of ways to fix, post it in the forums, chances are your fellow family members will have some top suggestions for you.
Fixing it comes firstly down to a bit of JFDI.  The times for my gym sessions are realistic and doable for me.. heading in for a 9am to 10am session is the earliest I can get there, and trying to go later just increases my chances of being 'too tired/sick/lazy'.  Food wise, I will put some time in tomorrow to get some meals frozen for lunches - I have been able to get over my aversion to frozen meals and have been having my soups so I reckon it is a good start.  I have my set snacks.. bodybalance bar, yogurt, baked beans, boiled egg.. but I think I need to expand my options!  I also need to meal plan so the meals we are eating, I can have my reduced calorie version (and a high calorie version for underweight members of the family!).


Recognition

I want you to recognize how far you’ve come in four short weeks. For some of you it’s evident in your body shape. Scales are going down, measurements changing. For others it’s physical achievements in your workouts. What is hard to measure but even more important is your head space changes. Even if they aren’t consistent yet, I want you to write down:

WHAT - are the main head space changes you have noticed (eg I play the victim/blame game much less frequently, I have a JFDI attitude etc)
I think I have had a major breakthrough this round with my mindset.  I battle with perfection every day and this round I am really let it go.  I think being asked to be an ambassador has helped so much, to be recognised as being a positive member of the group even though my weightloss has not been significant.  I love that I can now say that it is okay that I skipped the a few workouts this week - I haven't failed, I am not destined to never achieve my goal, I just had a bad week and next week will be a great one!


HOW - is this affecting your life and/or how you feel (I now feel in control, I am less moody etc)
Well, I think it is affecting my life in a very positive way.  It is improving my confidence beyond what I thought possible. I don't need to be perfect - that takes so much stress off!  I will always keep my expectations and goals high, but I know that I can still acheive my goals without killing myself trying!


WHAT - can you do to ensure these head-space changes keep occurring (eg keep re-setting my goals, keep learning Mish’s lessons etc)
The forums really are the best place to get your mind-set lessons.  Often I find that it is helping others - in trying to explain myself, that I begin to understand my own mind and why I do things.  Honestly, I never even realised I had let go of my perfection until I was responding to a thread and trying to help someone by letting them know that is okay to 'fall off the wagon' because there is no wagon.  It is just life, and sometimes it is messy, but you just keep going.  And I think the same goes for answering this question.. these head space changes will keep occurring as long as I keep going.  We can't help but grow and learn as long as we keep moving forward!

Re-Commitment

This is the clincher. Whether you’ve flown or flopped thus far, I want you to re-set your new one month goals, and re-commit to me, to your loved ones, and most importantly to yourself.


WHAT - are your new one month goals. You may even need to adjust your 3,6,12 month goals (write them down in the My Mission section above)
One month goals.. I'm going to walk/run up Mt Archer tomorrow, and again in 2wks, and again 2wks after that (Weeks 4, 6, and 8) and improve each time.  I want to stick with the L&S program and follow it as best I can, but forgiving myself if I can't do some of them.  I am also going to drop 2kg quickly and easily over the next month!  And I will move up an ab stage at some point - even if it does kill me!

HOW - are you going to get there (plan your calendar for the next few weeks, from shopping, cooking to workouts)
This afternoon I will do my meal plan for this week and shop tomorrow including doing some frozen meals for lunches.  I will check over the exercise plan, setting up my schedule for this week (the exercise plan is monthly so I should be doing the same thing for 4wks) and will schedule in my mountain days!  I need to make sure I am under 1400cals, as close to 1200cals as possible.


COMMIT - Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and re-commit. Take it day by day, meal by meal, workout by workout. Remember it’s the tiny little decisions every day that are the important ones. Get on top of these and you’ll be on-top of the world!
I can an will do this.  Dropping the kilos is the most important thing, followed by getting my weights up.  I want to stick with the program as long as possible - I want to L&S this round, then 2 round of L&F, and another round of L&S - hopefully at which point I will have enough fitness to really build muscle and be a contender for a placing!  I can and will do this!

Support

Time to give a shout out! Who or what is your greatest support? Share the love! Give your thanks!

Is it your mum? Your partner? Your bestie??
The forums? Twitter? Facebook??
Maybe it's your faithful dog?
Your HRM that never tells a lie

Let's take the time to recognise those in our life that keep us going day by day!
Be grateful! Write it down!

Support:  What is it?  A person or thing who bears the weight, stops you from falling.

Well, as I am falling right now, this sounds like a great question.  Who am I reaching for?  What is helping me to stop my fall?

I have called to talk to my Mum, and two of my sisters, all of whom offered great advice.. but no-one can make this decision for me.  Just having someone to call really helped though.. maybe that is support.  No matter what I choose I know that they would help me if I needed it.
Next I spoke to my husband.  Now, whether or not he supports me is a big question.  I know that he means well, I know that he wants me to acheive - but at what cost to him?  I get frustrated that he cannot seem to do the housework or childcare/parenting as well as I can.  That he wont do some things that I feel are important - but that is just who he is.  It is not on purpose!  I am looking to him right now to help me with my choice but he cannot stop me falling.  I don't think he even realises that I am falling.

Things are tough right now.  I dont' know if I want my PhD now - it has all gotten too hard.  But am I just running away?  Or am I making a wise decision based on reality?  But withstanding that, why do I suddenly decide to withdraw from life.  Why start making bad food choices, not going to the gym, not buying my plane ticket.   Because I am stressed and I don't where I will be.  I hate being undecided and up in the air.  I just want a decision made and acted upon!

So who is going to stop me from me falling?  Myself.  I am my greatest support.  I am the only one who can stop me falling back down into that hole.  It is just a simple choice... I just need to say NO!  To take that next step on the path I choose!

Now I am going to go get a cuppa.. print out my workout for this afternoon and then do some problem solving!  I need to choose my new path!

A fork in the road...

I hate making decisions.

I know I want my Phd.  Why do I want it though?  The prestige, the acheivement, the knowledge, the skills, etc but do I want the job at the end?  Do I want a job where I will always be competing and proving my intelligence?  Where I need to produce, produce, produce.. constantly fighting for grants for my research. 
I don't think I will ever have the capacity to lead a research team, I am just not brave enough for that (not yet anyway).  But I love doing lab work.  I love doing things that others can't - things that challenge me.  I want to be working in a lab, doing research that I know, understand and love.  I want to do immunology and disease research - cancer research even.  Not as the head of a lab, but as the member of a team, working toward a common goal.  I want to feel valued and important.

So the first option, which is to quit altogether and get a job, really doesn't feel like an option.  Though really, as a back up plan, it is probably okay.  I could get a job in research somewhere and get my PhD further on down the line in a feild of research I already have knowledge and experience in. 

I don't know how it would look having a year of a PhD already done though, would that mean that if I did a PhD in the future, I would only have two and a bit years left to do it in.  I would rather go for my masters if that was the case.

And that is my second option.  Get a masters instead.  That would give us a few months in the lab to get me settled and confident and in the right direction and then I would be on my way.  It would depend on getting either Jennelle or Fiona to supervise here.

And that brings me to my third option - heading down to the Uni of Western Sydney and finishing there - that covers a few options in fact.  I could see if there is a RA job there and work for a year or so before moving into a PhD, or I could see if I could do my work at their lab while still obtaining my PhD under the CQU  banner.

No matter what, I need to stay until the end of the year.  Dave has just started getting decent hours at work, I have some work coming up which should ease things financially, and I feel like things are just starting to work for me. 

So I feel like my options are that if I want to stay here, I need to change topics.  If I stick with this topic I can opt out at a masters, or I can change universities somehow!

To be continued!

Week 2 Wrap Up

I didn't blog as much this week as I have had quite a hectic time of it on top of being unwell.  Not dramatically unwell, just a headcold!  Unfortunatly it blew my mindset a bit and I have let the nutrition slip a little and missed my super saturdays.  But today I blew my mindset out of the water by climbing a mountain...

I did  my workouts throughout the week and really enjoyed them!  I upped my weights on a lot of things and have finally got my lunges worked out!  Interestingly, my DOMS in the upper body have eased, while the lower body is now killing me!  It feels sooo good to have that pain though!  I know that I have worked hard!  I did slack off on the cardio a little, mostly due to the congestion from the cold (I'm a mouth breather now! lol), but otherwise I have done okay.  OH, I did skip wednesday's core - I thought I could do it at my office, but didn't wear the right clothes or take a gym mat so of course it didn't get done.  Core day is at the gym from now on!

I am cheating a bit with my calories as well, I am super hungry at night and have been snacking.  I had pizza one night and found I slept through (no midnight snacking) so I am thinking that I may be underestimating my calorie intake during the day and if I am more careful I might be able to get a good night's sleep!  so this week I will be tracking on calorie king for the week and see how I go!

Weigh in was frustrating.. my new scales came up with 55.9 kg but I missed the rest so jumped back on - up to over 57kg and then the next two turns were in the 56 range.  Checked on my old scales and got 55.4 to 55.9 so I went with 55.9kg for the official weigh-in.  It has only registered as a .75g loss as it takes from my original weight (last week I had a gain to 57.2kg) so the loss was closer to a kilo.  Not sure how I will go this week as I haven't stuck to the meal plan too well.

Now, I did mention that I skipped wednesdays workout, and super saturday, due to bad planning and this head cold, but...  I made up for it today!

Today, I climbed a mountain!  Literally!

It is a lovely 5km track to the top (and we walked back down again) but the climb is quite steep in parts!  It is 604m above sea level,  but, according to runkeeper, it was a 340m elevation from where we began, and then back down again.  650cals burnt!  To make it even more special, I completed it with Kobie and Ash from the 12wbt!  We just need to convince Snowbear to come along as well! 

My goal is now to run it.. I'm going to try next fortnight, as part of my mini milestone!