Add what is lacking!

Step one in changing my habits for a lifetime was to add water to my essential list.

Step two is adding fruits and vegetables!

Notice the 'add' in both of those?

It is so much easier to add stuff to our diets!  There is no sense of deprivation!

Eat whatever you like, but make sure you get your minimum requirements of fruit and vegetables!

The Australian guidelines state a catchy '2+5' as a minimum - 2 serves of fruit, 5 serves of vegetables.

But what is a 'serve' exactly?

One serve of fruit is roughly 150g, except for dried fruit which is 30g.  It's certainly not precise though!  One medium sized piece of fruit (about fist sized), two small fruit like plums or kiwi fruit, a cup of larger fruits like melons or pineapple, or a cup of very small fruit like grapes or berries.  Vegetables are about half the size of a fruit serving at 75g, usually half a cup. Leafy greens are a full cup per serve, but cooked greens are half a cup.

Variety is essential to ensure you get a full range of vitamins and minerals and fibre and all the other compounds in plants that make them so good for us!  Eating to the season helps with cost, quality, and freshness.  There are so many delicious fruits it should be pretty easy to get in the minimum 2 serves, but vegetables seem to be difficult!  It can be daughting to know just which veggies to eat!  There's your leafy greens, brassicas, pod greens (beans and peas), fruity vegetables like zucchini and pumpkin, capsicum, cucumbers and tomatoes, root vegetables, and grains like corn!  

Right now, I'm just going for variety within the season!  It's spring, going into summer so there should be lots of choice!

There is also a huge potential for waste here, although any waste can go into the compost or used to grow more food, many throw their waste into the bin.  So to minimise waste I will be shopping every three days under the previso that I use everything I buy!  I'll be shopping at the supermarket and not buying organic to start with but eventually I want to shop at the local farmers markets and take my own bags.  I will need to learn how to wash and store everything correctly as well!  Quite a steep learning curve for me on this one!

Excuses!

I feel the need to change.

To grow.

To shrink myself to my healthy self.


I've done this before.


So first up, for those who have done 12wbt know well, is to look at my excuses.


My main excuse is 'I don't feel like it'.

There is too much going on, I'm too tired, I'm too stress, I have too much to do, etc etc.

What it comes down to, is that I am scared.

Scared that I will be uncomfortable.

Scared that I will be judged.

Scared that I will fail.

Scared that I won't cope.

It feels like a wall goes up.

It's time to break down that wall.  And the more I do it, the weaker it will become.

Okay! I'm hydrated already!

Really!  I am!

I've been drinking just over a litre of water each day and I feel great for it!

I have not stopped my morning coffee, had a couple of cups of Coke, and certainly didn't magically turn into a health nut!

And I'm not constantly peeing, regularly yes, but not annoyingly so!

I'm doing good.  Ready to take on my next challenge!

How to change a life!

One step at a time!

I want permanent change.

Achievable. Realistic. Flexible. 

Permanent.

Step one: Drink more water!

Well, I'm also on patches for nicotine but that's my stupid tax.

And back to the water.

Just the act of drinking water uses energy and getting your daily 1-2l could result in a 2kg loss of fat over 12mths.  That's right, just the physical process of drinking, processing and peeing will add to your weight loss!  Bargain!

The other awesome thing about drinking water is that it usually replaces soft drink, fruit juice or sugar filled tea or coffee.  And research shows that you don't tend to replace those calories with food.  You might find that if you cut soft drinks without increasing your water intake you will eat more, but keep up the water and that is less likely to happen.

And it's easy enough to do! Success breeds success!

It helps your mindset as well.  If you feel like you are making healthy choices you are more likely to make more healthy choices in other areas!

You'll snack less.  Keeping your mouth and stomach occupied will undoubtedly help with boredom eating.  Usually sugary drinks are sold along with salty foods crating a cycle of thirst and hungar - salt makes you thirsty, sugar makes you hungry. Break the cycle!  Water will also help to process all that salt and fat, and fill you up to prevent overeating.

Water is just simply good for you. It's necessary for life!  You'll feel great and your body will love you for it!

Hydrated skin is beautiful skin. 

Drinking water will wash away the food and acid in your mouth to prevent cavities. That means great teeth!  A drink of water will also help to signal the end of a meal and help with after dinner sugar cravings!

Fibre plus water equals a well lubricated bowel! And softer movements. That has to be win!

The downside? You might pee more.  Especially at first, but your body will adapt. Start slow if you need to with 1l a day and build up. Drink a little often rather then downing a full glass at a time. Drink extra when you exercise or if it's hot. You know you are getting enough when your pee is clear. There is also a skin pinch test for dehydration.

Won over?  Ready to start?

No need to go out and buy some fancy drink bottles and water filters just yet.  Start where you are at.

Tap water in a rinsed out soft drink bottle is fine. Buying a pack of water from the supermarket is fine (please recycle!). A water filter is great though, and a glass water bottle, or least BPA free.  Do your own research so you can choose a filter and bottle based on your own values and beliefs. You can even get insulated water bottles!

You'll need to get in a habit of refilling your water bottle and figure out where you can refill when out and about. Water coolers are quite common in waiting rooms and workplaces and keep extra water in your fridge.

But start now!

And you will reap the benefits straight away!

But but but....

What about my morning coffee?  It's okay - have one or two a day, or quit altogether.  Make water your priority and you'll find it difficult to keep up an eight a day habit!

It's okay, my soft drink is sugar free. Umm.. Sorry but no.  Sugar free drinks have all the downsides of soft drinks but without the calories.  You will fill the calories in elsewhere, you'll still be hungry, and you still need to walk the evil aisle at the supermarket to buy it!  Your body will also have to process all those chemicals which can and will affect your health both short term and long term.  Again, if you make water your priority, these will naturally fall away from your diet.

What about herbal tea? If it's unsweetened it counts. Soda water is also fine. Adding apple cider vinegar is fine, as is a squeeze of lemon or lime if that floats your boat.

A word on caffeine... It's a drug. An addictive drug.  Although it's not only socially acceptable but promoted as a way to socialise, it's an addictive drug.  I can't drink it safely at all. Cut down or go cold turkey as you see fit but be aware you may get symptoms such as headaches.  These will be offset with better sleep, a calmer body and mind, and better overall health in the long term.

Start right now. Take your time, and when you are happy you've got this down move on to the next step!

Groundhog Day

I have no idea what Groundhog Day is except the movie reference.  A day that repeats. 

Over, and over, and over.

That is my life.

I never ending cycle of sitting on bed, Netflix, Facebook, smoking, gaining weight, Cany Crush, depression and anxiety, interspersed with random days of hope and self-care born from a place of desperation to be free from it!  But I can't break free.

And I don't why I feel that way when I've just had the most wonderful couple of days teaching!  I loved it and I'm pretty sure I did well!

But..

I am once again on patches after smoking for a week or so.  Only because I ran out of money.

I bought a blood pressure monitor.  It cost a lot!

And left me broke until payday!

A routine trip to the doctor to get my yearly Valium script and suddenly I'm so very aware of the consequences of my choices.  I asked about beta-blockers for anxiety. I mentioned how I'm feeling the physical symptoms of anxiety and that a quick Google search found they are used quite commonly for performance anxiety as they stop the andrenaline type symptoms. Like insomnia, restless legs, a tight chest, tension headaches, being fidgety and shakey, heart palpitations, irregular periods, speaking so fast no one understands me, hot flushes and not being able to stand the heat - either from the ambient temperature or from getting sweaty and over heated when I exercise.  I lose weight so easily but I can't stop eating because it's the only thing that keeps me calm. 

And I've had enough.  

Anxiety sucks!

So she took my blood pressure and hello health anxiety!

It was high, hypertension high. 

So now I need to monitor it daily and record it for two weeks, and go for a blood test.  

A FASTING blood test.

We need to rule out iron and B12 deficiency, hyperthyroidism, and cholesterol issues and whatever else they check for on blood tests!

It's only been a few days but it looks like pre-hypertension is my 'at home and relaxed' setting.

Who knows what the blood test will bring!

But I'm not invincible. 

And I don't like it.

Sure, I've been sick with panic disorder, agoraphobia and whatever else you want to call this messed up anxious ball of anxiety.  Sure I have eczema, dust mite allergy and an intolerance to banana and avocado.  Hell, I even get bad indigestion.

But I've never actually been sick sick.  Like the kind of sick where I might die.

My reaction - eat pizza and smoke!

Yup, real mature!

At some point, I'm going to have to wake up and go for a run.  I'm going to have find a way to eat healthy.  But most importantly, I need to find a way to live.  Really live.

To get out and swim, and climb mountains, and go to dinner and the movies, to play with my kids, get a job.  Be happy.

A Fresh Start

Today I quit smoking.

Again.

I've been smoking for a week and it was killing me.  Killing my spirit.

I didn't exercise, didn't do housework, barely left the house.  I stopped walking, stopped playing Pokemon Go, stopped my life.

I spent too much money on smokes.

Netflix was my company.

My breathe is wheezing, I've been on the verge of a cold, and have the most horrid taste in my mouth that never goes away. The headache finally stopped just a couple of days ago.  I've had barely a day with more then 5hrs sleep and I'm tired.  So tired. Tired of myself and my stupid self indulgent ways.

But how do I change? I've tried and keep ending back here, in this same place. Disappointed, disillusioned, depressed.

My husband showed me his love today. A touch.  A glance. Hope.

I asked for help.

He bought patches when I asked, along with a supply of chocolate, chocolate self-saucing pudding, ice cream, bourbon, and cat food.  The cat food was not for me. Obviously.  The bourbon was. I declined.

I am sitting on my bed where I have napped, played Candy Crush, and indulged in reading the Twilight Saga once again in an effort to banish myself away from all temptation. I am slightly ill from the chocolate and plagued by that bad taste in my mouth and a wheezing cough that I know will take days to resolve.  The chill of the evening is encroaching and I wonder how I will sleep without pharmaceutical aid given the restlessness that is sure to come as i adjust to life without my addiction.

I wonder how I got to this place. 

A place where sleep is as elusive as hope.

A place where I have achieved so much but have no confidence.

I have my degree, waiting for the outcome of my PhD that cost me 6 years and my belief in my ability to be successful.  I have my children who are now approaching adulthood with the scars I've inflicted upon them with my mistakes.  My inadequacy. I have my husband of 25 years who loves me even now, broken, damaged, ugly.

I should be happy.  

But I'm not.

Another sign of my imperfection.

But when my husband touched me, when I saw the desire in his glance, a spark of hope ignited in a dark corner of my mind.

Maybe.

Maybe I can get up one more time.

Maybe it's worth fighting another day.

Maybe I can be the person I want to be.

Maybe I already am.

The Day Two Fizzer

The day began at 5:30am.. when I rolled over and hit stop on my alarm. 

And promptly went back to sleep.

There was some bargain going on in my head like 'I'll do it later'.

Then later came, at 4:30pm after work.

About the same time three other things happened.

1. I realised I'd forgotten to get the meat out to defrost for dinner
2. The husband appeared with a magical bar of chocolate that somehow got consumed without my being conscious of it,
and 3. I remembered that I'm pretty exhausted by the time I'm finished work!

So I watched Netflix and we had a kind of healthy version of 'take-out' - roast chicken with a couple of chips and salad.  I ate it all. Along with the chocolate bar and my afternoon tea (a chocolate muffin with Nutella for icing).

Fortunately, I didn't end up over calories - if I calculated them correctly - and even though I didn't do my workout, I was still fairly active with over 7k steps.  Definitely sub-par, but not catastrophic!

Well, except that today is my monthly Day One.  Yes, that explains my foul mood yesterday, and the chocolate today.

Let's hope the scales aren't too nasty in the morning! 

Speaking of which.. time for bed if I want to get up and run in the morning!

The first day of March 12wbt

So that was me at 5:30am this morning. 

Awake.

Dressed.

And outside.

Running!

It was a dull and rainy morning made all the more exciting by the fact that I witnessed it!  Yup, I'm a little proud.

It might be hard to tell because I'm really, really tired right now!  At 8:30pm.

Yup, I'm ready for bed!

At least I ate dinner - 450 cals (I ended up eating another serve of the CCs)

My calorie intake for the day is sitting right on 1200cals, steps over 17000 with total calories out at over 2200kcal. 

Will I do it all again tomorrow?

On the Eve of March 2017 12wbt Round...

I don't feel excited, I don't feel motivated.

I feel flat, anxious, and a bit over it.

It's rainy weather, but still muggy and hot.

And I didn't do my fitness test. 



But.. I did make muffins.  Grudgingly.  At the last minute.

And I'm generally awesome because I already  have a stocked freezer, so a cook up is not required. 

Thankfully because I didn't have the money to do a proper shop today - I could only afford one meal and the honey soy chicken on Tuesday night was the one that cost the least!  So re-heated chilli beef it is on Monday night!

So in spite of today and all the 'eat all the junk food in the house' that went on, I should be okay for tomorrow. 

But let's wait and see how I react to a 5:30am alarm!

Here I go again.

Saturday Before Day 1 of March Round....



I feel the need to be quiet.

I feel shame/guilt about my wasted rounds at a time I can barely afford to do them.

I'm all good intentions!

So this is for the good, the bad and ugly. 

No matter what is happening, the bare truth is what is seen here. 

Week 7 Day 1

Monday!

Exercise:

3km run/walk
 steps

Food:
1/2 pce of cake + coffee
PB&J on Toast + coffee
Grapes
Ham, Cheese and tomato toastie + coffee

Uni:

Morning: 3hrs on table

Afternoon: Ordering and Printing on campus

Night: finish Table

The Blessed Weigh in Wednesday and Some Goal Setting!

First up, some numbers:

Start: 72.2

Now: 71.4

This week's loss: 800g

Phew! Now I have that out of the way, let's move on to the good stuff!

GOAL SETTING!

I'm going to go really light on the goal setting.

I want to lose 20kg, not in one round though.. 6-8kg would be awesome, 10kg would be out of this world! I think I'd be concerned if I lost the full 20kg in one round!

I'd like to get 10000 steps a day for most days (say one or two days a week excepted).

I'd like to do some regular yoga, and start back with some running.

I'd like to start tennis or swimming maybe, and see how I go back in the gym. 

I'd like to do some classes, maybe get back into the floor weights.

I just feel too delicate to put out big arse goals.  I just want to be better then right now.

Refresh, Renew, Revive!

I am starting this blog again!  Its been way too long and this blog was so successful in helping me get through everything!

So here I am, nearly four years later, about to start the September 2016 round of 12wbt 12kg heavier then my last weigh in in 2012.

It's not for lack of trying either: I've signed up to multiple challenges and this is my 12th round of 12wbt now!

But I've been bringing my past into it and putting pressure on myself.  Wanting to do lean and strong, wanting to run 5-10km when I haven't done much running in years!  This time I am coming in clean.  Like I've never done it before.

So that amazing person up there.. she is going to do this.  And do it well!

Fit and Fabulous February 2013

A wonderful friend has started a challenge on Facebook – Fit and Fabulous February 2013.  Her blog: http://fabulousfeb.blogspot.com.au/.  I’ve decided to take part in an effort to keep my goals simple.. I have a tendency to overcomplicate things.. expect perfection immediately and then cry failure when it doesn’t happen!  I’m concentrating on exercise at first as I really just need to get out of the house!

Goals:
1. go to bed by 10:30pm every night
2. Eight visits to the gym minimum (2 per week)
3. Get four weeks of my Zombie training done.
4. Find my happy place again!

Yup, pretty simple!

Today is Day 2

Yesterday was a bit of a blah.. I didn’t achieve anything toward these goals!  Not only that.. my bedtime was 3am this morning!

Now I have a sleep hangover.. a nagging headache and tight sore neck!

Today I am setting up my Habits Pro with my exercise routine – just starting with my 3 goals at first this month (will add more as I go).

I will take another image of this at the end of Feb and hopefully it will be full of ticks for each four items!

Paleo: in the beginning!

Ron Wolf's 'The Paleo solution' is my current reading title on my kindle app for my new iPad (I'm using the blogger app for the first time too!). I'm finding it very interesting - it appeals to the scientist in me in that it is well supported by research as well as being informative and easy to read. Net result is that I've decided to give it a go! I've been low carbing on and off in my weightless attempts anyway so it shouldn't be too hard to transition to complete Paleo. I'm still wavering over yogurt and milk in my tea, and I'm not sure how far the kids will take it but there is nothing like jumping in head first, eyes closed!

Shopping was interesting to say the least! Not quite a case of going round the outside.. Rather more like dashing in and out of aisles trying to work out where all bits and pieces are. Like nut butters and coconut oil. I forgot bacon though! That's what I forget for going in without a shopping list or any kind of list at all!

The best fun was when I got home. To help in my 'preparation' for the week I decided to organise my meals for the week a bit. I started with the chicken and turkey mince.. the chicken mince became meatloaf (broccoli and cauliflower went into the food processor to make a vegie breadcrumb, eggs, some tomato sauce and garlic and then baked) and is now in the freezer ready for lunches. The turkey mince became burgers ready to cook up, an egg, more broc/cauli, some honey, shallots, and a dash of sweet chilli sauce. And then I cooked up some chicken and mango kebabs for lunch along with a nice big salad included a 1/4 of an avocado! It was a bit plain, but I thought quite yummy (kids weren't keen on cooked mango though). Will have to look into a marinade though!

I've had a bit of chocolate - some cadbury favourites made their way into my home by accident - and I've had a bit of milk in my cuppa this morning, but other then that I have eaten paleo only. I'm not feeling gassy or bloated, I feel quite good really.

I think I might enjoy this!

Taking a moment to reflect on why.

I really want to do well this round and, in the past, this has meant trying to ‘win’ an award.. after all, it is the ultimate reward to receive external accolades for your progress.   But this time is different.  I don’t ‘want’ to win, and I don’t to measure my success by how others judge my transformation.  I want to achieve success by own standard, to be proud of myself.. and to have that be enough.

I don’t know if I will put in for consideration for the finale awards this round. It depends on how my mindset is going in regards to requiring external validation.  If I feel I can be happy with my results without receiving that award.. genuinely.. then I will submit for it.  I need to be sure in my mind that I know that the award is not a measure of my success but just a bonus given to just a few out of many who deserve it!

This is really hit home after seeing so many amazing photos of the changes people have made in a short 3mths – I really don’t know how the 12wbt team could possibly choose between them (I certainly don’t envy them the task!).

A huge congratulations to all the L&S winners past and present, and to the many more who achieved fantastic results on the program but didn’t get to stand up on stage!  You all deserve medals!

Round 4 Starting Point

Argh!  So… not a pretty picture but I know that this is a true reflection of my current diet and lifestyle.  I’m not happy with where I am but I do know that losing 8kg in 12 weeks is very achievable and my after photos will be fabulous!  In 12 weeks I will be submitting my final photos.. I will be 51kg, and will be at a point where muscle definition is beginning to show.  I’m not sure about my abs, I have a lot of work to do to get to that point but I think it will be where I see the most improvement given it is the area with the most scope for change!

Goals:

• to lose 8kg or more
• to quit smoking
• to begin walking each morning as way to greet the day
• to get my running fitness back to occasional 5-10km runs
• reduce my waist measurement significantly
• and to lift heavy shit!

I will define ‘lift heavy shit’ more once I have got back to the gym, I need to work out where my weights are right now and then work out where I can get to.  

I am looking forward to this journey and already enjoying a change in diet. Watch this space people!

The path.

Sometimes we need to stop and really look at where we are. 

Right now, I am a smoker (3mths into my addiction and already quite a few failed quitting attempts) and while at first I lost some weight.. I am now back up to over 58kg and looking pretty darn close at the line between healthy and overweight BMI.

I’m not unhappy, but I’m not going anywhere or achieving anything.  I am stagnating.  Like a pond of stinky water.

It’s like I am waiting, waiting for someone else to make me change – waiting for that external motivation to come along and shift my thinking and get my arse up and moving.  But I’m waiting for something that will never happen.  Or if it does.. it will be too late because I will be having a heart attack or diagnosed with cancer.  I don’t want to be too late.

So now is the time to change.  I don’t mean change myself.  I am perfect just the way I am!  But I do need to change how I live my life.  It’s not about epiphanies, or waiting to find yourself or for fate to somehow give you a sign.  You just start.  It will feel like shit at first and it will be hard. But once you start the next step is a bit easier, and the one after that even easier.  And then you have momentum!  Hoorah! 

So it’s time to take some steps!  Exercise is out right now thanks to a bout of Bronchitis but I can do a bit of shopping and get my kitchen makeover done, plan some meals to cook up on the weekend, and do my exercise diary up for the next 12wks!

Time to get back on the move!

 

Jeni

Stepping through the wall.

We all have a comfort zone.  Our nice safe world, with nice safe walls around it.  We gaze outside those walls and see our dreams but fear stops us from stepping outside our walls.

I have learnt something through my years recovering from agoraphobia and living with a panic disorder.  The walls are just pretend.  They aren’t really there.  We create them in our minds to make us feel safe but all they do is trap us inside our safe little world.

I’ve taken a step back, retreated back into my safe little walls – given they are a bit further out now, but they are still there.  I avoid, I make excuses, I pretend I don’t want what is on the other side.  But I do want it.

Analogies aside, I know how to get where I want to be and this ‘failure’ has taught me to appreciate just how well I was doing.  Now I just need to start, regain that momentum and ‘step through the wall’.  Yes, it will take effort but with each visit to the gym, each time I step out the door and run, each shopping visit where I fill my trolley with good food, and each healthy meal I prepare, it will get easier.  It will become normal.  And the walls will disappear again!

 

Jeni

Round 4, 2012: The journey continues.

 

I’m signing up for Round 4!  The finale in Brisbane has clinched the deal, along with recipes for cake and cocktails!  The Wedding is over, and I am officially back at my borderline weight of 58kg, that’s right, I gained weight in the lead up to the wedding when I was so determined to lose it!

A bit of an introduction for those new to this round. 

I started my weight loss journey many years ago when I jumped on the scales and I realised I had hit ‘obese’.  I joined a gym and started counting calories and slowly lost the weight.. I didn’t manage to get into my healthy weight zone though.  Not until I discovered Michelle Bridges 12wbt.  The first two rounds in Sept 2010 and Feb 2011 were learning rounds but the winter of 2011 I hit my stride and dropped another 4kg to hit my goal weight of 52kg and got a mention at the finale in the top 12 of the Lean and Strong entrants.  Another two rounds after that I just hovered between 58kg and 55kg, hitting the self-sabotage button as soon as I started to get near goal.

I decided not to do round 3 this year as I figured I was just throwing my money away, but instead of achieving my goals on my own, the isolation and lack of accountability has seen me gain weight and even start smoking.

It is time to wake up and remember the JFDI lesson. 

I am quitting smoking today, and getting back to my life.  I love being healthy and fit, organised and most of all, proud of myself.

I know I can do it.  With the support of the 12wbt I can do it.

I will do it, I am doing it!

 

Jeni