Sunday, July 31, 2011
The Cycle of Self Sabotage
Well, they say that everything happens in cycles, the flow of life and all that. We must ride the waves, the ebb and flow of life. I can see it so clearly in my weightloss, I am not riding the waves, they are pummeling me!
Week one, a little bit of weightloss, week two, great weight loss, middle of week 3, I drop to my lowest weight but by weigh in I have crept up a little so still a good weight loss. By middle of week 4, I have jumped up a good half kilo, by weigh-in, I have a gain. And the cycle starts again.
My confidence cycles with it, I start by following the program to the letter, then I get confident enough to not be so strict and still lose weight.. my brain says 'I am so good' and sneak in some treats and that is when I hit my lowest weight, my brain then decides I must be able to lose weight with the shit food and goes nuts. I skip gym, eat like shit and gain.
Why do I do it? Because it is easy. Well, easier then having people say 'Oh, I am jealous, you are melting away to nothing', easier then dealing with the looks that say 'you dont' deserve it'. And it's easier then dealing with the people who say nothing. The people who you want to be proud of you who just don't care.
I am scared of people thinking that I am bragging, that I 'love myself'. I am scared of hurting someone's feelings as well, I don't want to make others feel bad about themselves.
And the clashes with my wants and needs.
I want to be proud of myself. I want to have a nice body. I want to be a person who exercises regularly and eats well because it makes me feel good inside my body. I want to wear a body which reflects who I am, and I want to be a good, strong, healthy person.
Time to get back in the water and have another go at riding those waves!
Week one, a little bit of weightloss, week two, great weight loss, middle of week 3, I drop to my lowest weight but by weigh in I have crept up a little so still a good weight loss. By middle of week 4, I have jumped up a good half kilo, by weigh-in, I have a gain. And the cycle starts again.
My confidence cycles with it, I start by following the program to the letter, then I get confident enough to not be so strict and still lose weight.. my brain says 'I am so good' and sneak in some treats and that is when I hit my lowest weight, my brain then decides I must be able to lose weight with the shit food and goes nuts. I skip gym, eat like shit and gain.
Why do I do it? Because it is easy. Well, easier then having people say 'Oh, I am jealous, you are melting away to nothing', easier then dealing with the looks that say 'you dont' deserve it'. And it's easier then dealing with the people who say nothing. The people who you want to be proud of you who just don't care.
I am scared of people thinking that I am bragging, that I 'love myself'. I am scared of hurting someone's feelings as well, I don't want to make others feel bad about themselves.
And the clashes with my wants and needs.
I want to be proud of myself. I want to have a nice body. I want to be a person who exercises regularly and eats well because it makes me feel good inside my body. I want to wear a body which reflects who I am, and I want to be a good, strong, healthy person.
Time to get back in the water and have another go at riding those waves!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Commitment Phobe
Well, I never realised it before, but it seems I have a problem with commitment and following through on it. Who would of thought that I, the one who wanted to get married and have kids at 18, would ever have commitment issues!
It starts with my poor dear partner of almost 20yrs.. yup, 20yrs in October of next year since we first started 'going out' when I was a whopping 17yo and he was about to turn 20. Every day of that 20yrs I have not commited to him fully. Every day, somewhere in the back of my head is the thought that maybe there is something better, maybe I am just settling, maybe its not right. All the while I am loved, appreciated, accepted, encouraged, and even my foul moods tolerated! He is my rock while I am the ocean constantly throwing waves at him, but he has withstood. The test will come next year.. next year I am marrying him. And even now I am hesitating.. why? Of course he isn't perfect, after 19yrs there is a LOT of water under the bridge! But we have 3 kids, a life, a history, why would I want to throw that away for a chance at a few extra hugs and kisses, a passionate night of love making with a stranger? I am old enough to know that that stuff never lasts, that excitment from a new relationship is just that.. a new relationship. I don't want to spend my life like a junkie hunting for that 'new' feeling all the time.
Now, I am having issues with my PhD. I want it. I know I want it, but it is just not working out the way I wanted it to. I'm not in the lab yet, I feel like I am not doing well at it. I know that I can do it, but I need to learn and I don't feel like I am being taught anything. I feel like I have been left flapping in the wind. Yesterday's news that I didnt' get the scholarship, even though I expected that, has thrown a spanner in the works. Dave now wants to leave. Start a new life somewhere else, just as I felt we were starting that new life properly here.
But back to the issue at hand. I don't want to set goals. I am afraid of not acheiving them, I am afraid of not wanting them once I see the hard work that has to be done to get there! Sigh.. more later, time to get the kids lunches for school!
It starts with my poor dear partner of almost 20yrs.. yup, 20yrs in October of next year since we first started 'going out' when I was a whopping 17yo and he was about to turn 20. Every day of that 20yrs I have not commited to him fully. Every day, somewhere in the back of my head is the thought that maybe there is something better, maybe I am just settling, maybe its not right. All the while I am loved, appreciated, accepted, encouraged, and even my foul moods tolerated! He is my rock while I am the ocean constantly throwing waves at him, but he has withstood. The test will come next year.. next year I am marrying him. And even now I am hesitating.. why? Of course he isn't perfect, after 19yrs there is a LOT of water under the bridge! But we have 3 kids, a life, a history, why would I want to throw that away for a chance at a few extra hugs and kisses, a passionate night of love making with a stranger? I am old enough to know that that stuff never lasts, that excitment from a new relationship is just that.. a new relationship. I don't want to spend my life like a junkie hunting for that 'new' feeling all the time.
Now, I am having issues with my PhD. I want it. I know I want it, but it is just not working out the way I wanted it to. I'm not in the lab yet, I feel like I am not doing well at it. I know that I can do it, but I need to learn and I don't feel like I am being taught anything. I feel like I have been left flapping in the wind. Yesterday's news that I didnt' get the scholarship, even though I expected that, has thrown a spanner in the works. Dave now wants to leave. Start a new life somewhere else, just as I felt we were starting that new life properly here.
But back to the issue at hand. I don't want to set goals. I am afraid of not acheiving them, I am afraid of not wanting them once I see the hard work that has to be done to get there! Sigh.. more later, time to get the kids lunches for school!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
It's not about how I look!
The lightbulb went off today. I think I finally get it! I was imagining a world where eating the wrong foods still had all the same consequences except for weight gain. That what you looked like didn't change, and you could eat and drink anything you like with the only consequences being to your health. The risk of heart disease, cancers, diabeties, injury, fatigue, sleep apnea, etc etc etc.
And what surprised me, was that I hesitated. That I thought, oh, my diet isn't that bad, I would be fine. I know how hard it was to quit smoking and look at the health risks of that! How much would I be willing to change just for my health, if how I look was taken out of the equation? If I could eat chocolate icecream every day and not gain weight, but increase my risk of dying 5years earlier, would I not eat it? Would I exercise if there wasn't the motivation of looking good?
I thought back to an earlier mindset lesson of Mish's... if I was at goal weight right now, would I keep exercising and keep trying to eat well? Of course I think 'oh, yes I will' but the reality is it would be much harder to stay motivated without that 'fat' thought in the back of mind. But it did make sense to me, I did get that little lightbulb go off saying 'yes' in a deeper way then just a superficial agreement. I truely beleive that my health is important. At the moment it is reflected in how I look, but more importantly, in how I feel. And I feel good. I like to be healthy. I like the way it feels!
Right now, I feel like am on the verge of two different mindsets - the 'losing weight' to look good, and the 'getting ripped' to look good. The whole 'just be healthy' thing didn't occur to me until now. It isn't a goal I can define and part of me is thinking that I don't wont to set goals other then to 'look good' as it is just too hard. Losing weight is easy.. it is a number on the scale. Being healthy is not so easy, setting goals to run in races and get good enough to be competitive feel like setting myself up for failure. I've done the 'run a race for the sake of running it' and I don't run fast enought warrent doing it because "I am good at it" because I am not! Even setting goals around strength training is daunting - I will never be 'good at it', I will always be smaller then everyone else, I will always be weaker then the boys and the ladies who have been doing it longer. Doing a chin-up seems so far away, even push-ups on toes and sit-ups are a dream. And 'being healthy' is again so far out of my comfort zone! I will never be able to do that perfect and I will never be 'good' at it. So why bother?
Argh.. so that is where I am now. Can I set a goal to get competitive at something? I could go for running, or I could body building or taekwon-do. I am not a team sports person though so that rules out a few things! I've even thought about doing tap-dancing, pole dancing or even belly dancing! Can I handle not being the best? I think I could, and I think the competitive nature might keep me motivated as well! Something to look into I think!
And what surprised me, was that I hesitated. That I thought, oh, my diet isn't that bad, I would be fine. I know how hard it was to quit smoking and look at the health risks of that! How much would I be willing to change just for my health, if how I look was taken out of the equation? If I could eat chocolate icecream every day and not gain weight, but increase my risk of dying 5years earlier, would I not eat it? Would I exercise if there wasn't the motivation of looking good?
I thought back to an earlier mindset lesson of Mish's... if I was at goal weight right now, would I keep exercising and keep trying to eat well? Of course I think 'oh, yes I will' but the reality is it would be much harder to stay motivated without that 'fat' thought in the back of mind. But it did make sense to me, I did get that little lightbulb go off saying 'yes' in a deeper way then just a superficial agreement. I truely beleive that my health is important. At the moment it is reflected in how I look, but more importantly, in how I feel. And I feel good. I like to be healthy. I like the way it feels!
Right now, I feel like am on the verge of two different mindsets - the 'losing weight' to look good, and the 'getting ripped' to look good. The whole 'just be healthy' thing didn't occur to me until now. It isn't a goal I can define and part of me is thinking that I don't wont to set goals other then to 'look good' as it is just too hard. Losing weight is easy.. it is a number on the scale. Being healthy is not so easy, setting goals to run in races and get good enough to be competitive feel like setting myself up for failure. I've done the 'run a race for the sake of running it' and I don't run fast enought warrent doing it because "I am good at it" because I am not! Even setting goals around strength training is daunting - I will never be 'good at it', I will always be smaller then everyone else, I will always be weaker then the boys and the ladies who have been doing it longer. Doing a chin-up seems so far away, even push-ups on toes and sit-ups are a dream. And 'being healthy' is again so far out of my comfort zone! I will never be able to do that perfect and I will never be 'good' at it. So why bother?
Argh.. so that is where I am now. Can I set a goal to get competitive at something? I could go for running, or I could body building or taekwon-do. I am not a team sports person though so that rules out a few things! I've even thought about doing tap-dancing, pole dancing or even belly dancing! Can I handle not being the best? I think I could, and I think the competitive nature might keep me motivated as well! Something to look into I think!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Living for now.
I can't change yesterday, tomorrow is not worth worrying about, and that just leaves today! So what am I going to do today?
Today I will make good choices. Choices that will lead me to my goal weight. Choices that will nourish my body and feed my soul.
It is weird that it has taken me so long to get such a simple basic concept. And weird that it changes everything so much.
The guilt of yesterday, the bad choices, the good choices, everything.. it's gone. Each day I need to re-affirm my place in the world. I need to reaffirm that I am wonderful, intelligent, healthy, strong, fit, kind, nurturing, and, of course, sexy as!
And the pressures of tomorrow, the stress of the future, the potential to put things off as well! that is all gone. The pressure of the ultimate goal is not there to challenge me, success or failure is not on my radar. Tomorrow is not there as a back up either. today is what matters.
So today, I shall be me in all my glory!
Today I will make good choices. Choices that will lead me to my goal weight. Choices that will nourish my body and feed my soul.
It is weird that it has taken me so long to get such a simple basic concept. And weird that it changes everything so much.
The guilt of yesterday, the bad choices, the good choices, everything.. it's gone. Each day I need to re-affirm my place in the world. I need to reaffirm that I am wonderful, intelligent, healthy, strong, fit, kind, nurturing, and, of course, sexy as!
And the pressures of tomorrow, the stress of the future, the potential to put things off as well! that is all gone. The pressure of the ultimate goal is not there to challenge me, success or failure is not on my radar. Tomorrow is not there as a back up either. today is what matters.
So today, I shall be me in all my glory!
Food Diary Week 9/10
Doing a daily food diary didn't work for me. I slacked off putting it in calorie king so I don't know what I ate! So here I go again! I am making some big changes this week - I need to get the family healthy so that is what I am doing! My poor family are in for a shock!
Weigh-in: 54.5kg
Goal: To get under 54.0kg.
Wednesday
In: 1450cals (blueberry muffin was not a good idea calorie wise!)
Out: Strength (lower) - 450 cals in 1 1/2hrs
Thursday:
In: 1300cals
Out: 0 (TaeKwon-Do for kids!)
Friday:
In: 1300 cals
Out: - 475 cals Kickboxing
Saturday:
In:
Out: Combat and Pump
Sunday:
In:
Out: Rest Day
Monday:
In:
Out: Strength training (upper) and cardio
Tuesday:
In:
Out: Boxfit and strength training (lower)
Weigh-in: 54.5kg
Goal: To get under 54.0kg.
Wednesday
In: 1450cals (blueberry muffin was not a good idea calorie wise!)
Out: Strength (lower) - 450 cals in 1 1/2hrs
Thursday:
In: 1300cals
Out: 0 (TaeKwon-Do for kids!)
Friday:
In: 1300 cals
Out: - 475 cals Kickboxing
Saturday:
In:
Out: Combat and Pump
Sunday:
In:
Out: Rest Day
Monday:
In:
Out: Strength training (upper) and cardio
Tuesday:
In:
Out: Boxfit and strength training (lower)
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Food Diary 17/7 (Sunday)
This mornings weight: 54.3kg
Goal Weight: 49.0kg
Breakfast:
Cuppa tea w/natvia and 80mL Skinny Milk
Weightwatchers Oats w/125mL Skinny Milk
Morning Tea:
Bodywise Bar (Omega 3 Boost)
Lunch:
Sizzler:
half a cup of Pepsi Max
Apple crumble with custard
2x 1/2 parmesan bread
prawn salad (1/2 plate)
spicy chicken salad (1/2 plate)
1/2 bowl of pumpkin soup
couple of smarties and a few after dinner mint choccies
Afternoon Tea:
see above! I don't think I need to eat for another week or two
Dinner:
Exercise:
Quick run on tready -50cals
Body Balance -100cals
Goal Weight: 49.0kg
Breakfast:
Cuppa tea w/natvia and 80mL Skinny Milk
Weightwatchers Oats w/125mL Skinny Milk
Morning Tea:
Bodywise Bar (Omega 3 Boost)
Lunch:
Sizzler:
half a cup of Pepsi Max
Apple crumble with custard
2x 1/2 parmesan bread
prawn salad (1/2 plate)
spicy chicken salad (1/2 plate)
1/2 bowl of pumpkin soup
couple of smarties and a few after dinner mint choccies
Afternoon Tea:
see above! I don't think I need to eat for another week or two
Dinner:
Exercise:
Quick run on tready -50cals
Body Balance -100cals
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Food Diary 16/7 (Saturday)
Today's weight: 54.5kg
Goal Weight: 49.0kg
Breakfast:
Weightwatchers quick oats with 120mL Skinny milk
Cuppa tea made with natvia and 80mL Skinny milk
Morning Tea:
Bodywise Bar (Omega 3 Boost)
2 strawberries
Lunch:
half a mini quiche, spring roll, cheese and bacon puff
2 timtams, 2 mint slice
cuppa tea x 2 (1st with 1teaspoon of sugar and 30mL of milk, 2nd with natvia and 60mL skinny milk)
Afternoon Tea:
Dinner:
Dominos Chicken and Mushroom good choice Pizza.
Small slice of cheese burst Ham and Pineapple as well.
Followed up with quite a few Peanut m&m's and another cuppa tea
Yet I was still starving later on and needed a small tin of baked beans to let me sleep!
Goal Weight: 49.0kg
Breakfast:
Weightwatchers quick oats with 120mL Skinny milk
Cuppa tea made with natvia and 80mL Skinny milk
Morning Tea:
Bodywise Bar (Omega 3 Boost)
2 strawberries
Lunch:
half a mini quiche, spring roll, cheese and bacon puff
2 timtams, 2 mint slice
cuppa tea x 2 (1st with 1teaspoon of sugar and 30mL of milk, 2nd with natvia and 60mL skinny milk)
Afternoon Tea:
Dinner:
Dominos Chicken and Mushroom good choice Pizza.
Small slice of cheese burst Ham and Pineapple as well.
Followed up with quite a few Peanut m&m's and another cuppa tea
Yet I was still starving later on and needed a small tin of baked beans to let me sleep!
Friday, July 15, 2011
What a difference!
Okay, so I am not dropping huge amounts of weight. I only a few kg to lose, and have lost about 6-8kg since I started with Mish's program, and the weight I lost in the round last year, I pretty much had to 're-lose' this year. So today I got a haircut and in the process, had a browse though some pics...
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So this was me a couple of days ago.. very happy that the double chins are disappearing.
Anyways, I went for a passport photo and it was baaaaad. The hair was lank and horrid so I went for an emergency haircut! Results below! Oh, and I am wearing only size 8 clothes!
And just a quick flashback to January 2011, before round 1 this year!
What a difference 5kg can make!
Food Diary 15/7 (Friday)
Today's Weight: 54.4kg
Goal Weight: 49kg
Friday:
Breakfast:
cuppa tea (w/natvia and ~80mL of Skinny milk)
Oats (honey flavoured) w ~125mL of Skinny milk
Morning Tea:
Body Wise bar
Cuppa tea (one sugar, lite milk, from refec at uni)
Lunch:
A yogurt from Woolies with berry and crumble (very yum!)
Afternoon Tea:
Steamed Fish Fillet (parsley and lemon)
cuppa tea (natvia and ~80mL Skinny milk)
Dinner:
Prawns in lemon and chilli marinade (about 15!)
Skinny cow icecream biscuit
chocolatte with dark chocolate timtam
cream biscuit
light yakult
Supper:
Exercise:
Taking a rest day due to injury.
Goal Weight: 49kg
Friday:
Breakfast:
cuppa tea (w/natvia and ~80mL of Skinny milk)
Oats (honey flavoured) w ~125mL of Skinny milk
Morning Tea:
Body Wise bar
Cuppa tea (one sugar, lite milk, from refec at uni)
Lunch:
A yogurt from Woolies with berry and crumble (very yum!)
Afternoon Tea:
Steamed Fish Fillet (parsley and lemon)
cuppa tea (natvia and ~80mL Skinny milk)
Dinner:
Prawns in lemon and chilli marinade (about 15!)
Skinny cow icecream biscuit
chocolatte with dark chocolate timtam
cream biscuit
light yakult
Supper:
Exercise:
Taking a rest day due to injury.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Food Diary 14/7 (Thursday)
Current Weight: 54.8kg
Goal Weight: 49kg
Thursday:
Breakfast:
golden syrup flavoured oats w/~125mL of Skinny milk
cuppa tea w/natvia and ~80mL of Skinny milk
Taking to Work:
Bodywise bar (Omega 3 Boost)
Forme no fat (Strawberry)
Afternoon Tea:
cuppa tea (natvia and ~80mL Skinny milk)
egg on toast (no butter, spray of oil)
1/2 lamington
5 peanut m&m's
10 chicken crimpy biscuits
Dinner:
Way too many M&M's
chocolatte (no milk)
Supper:
small tin of baked beans
~1200 cals (shame about those m&m's! I should have had my steamed fish fillet!)
Exercise:
Strong Man Training and 2km run (-500cals)
Goal Weight: 49kg
Thursday:
Breakfast:
golden syrup flavoured oats w/~125mL of Skinny milk
cuppa tea w/natvia and ~80mL of Skinny milk
Taking to Work:
Bodywise bar (Omega 3 Boost)
Forme no fat (Strawberry)
Afternoon Tea:
cuppa tea (natvia and ~80mL Skinny milk)
egg on toast (no butter, spray of oil)
1/2 lamington
5 peanut m&m's
10 chicken crimpy biscuits
Dinner:
Way too many M&M's
chocolatte (no milk)
Supper:
small tin of baked beans
~1200 cals (shame about those m&m's! I should have had my steamed fish fillet!)
Exercise:
Strong Man Training and 2km run (-500cals)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Food Diary 13/7 (Wednesday)
My food diary was working so well.. but when I let it slide I put on weight! My exercise was not as consistent either, and it was TTOTM. But a new week begins!
Today's Weight: 55.0kg
Goal Weight: 49.0kg
Wednesday:
Food:
Breakfast
Honey flavoured Instant Oats (prep with ~125mL skinny milk)
2x cuppa tea (prep with ~ 80mL skinny milk and natvia)
Morning Tea:
Bodywise Bar (Omega 3 Boost)
Strawberries (2 large)
500mL Water
Lunch:
Chicken (Baked with Roast capsicum Salsa) 80g
10g of light n'tasty cheese; 10g baby spinach;
Afternoon tea:
forme strawberry yogurt
Strawberry (1 large)
1x cuppa tea (prep with ~80mL skinny milk and natvia)
Dinner:
Red Rooster: chicken breast meat (100g); peas (100g); chips (50g); gravy (60g) = 400cals
Supper:
Chocolatte (~80mL Skinny milk)
~1200cals
Exercise:
Pump + 3k on the tready (-330cals)
Today's Weight: 55.0kg
Goal Weight: 49.0kg
Wednesday:
Food:
Breakfast
Honey flavoured Instant Oats (prep with ~125mL skinny milk)
2x cuppa tea (prep with ~ 80mL skinny milk and natvia)
Morning Tea:
Bodywise Bar (Omega 3 Boost)
Strawberries (2 large)
500mL Water
Lunch:
Chicken (Baked with Roast capsicum Salsa) 80g
10g of light n'tasty cheese; 10g baby spinach;
Afternoon tea:
forme strawberry yogurt
Strawberry (1 large)
1x cuppa tea (prep with ~80mL skinny milk and natvia)
Dinner:
Red Rooster: chicken breast meat (100g); peas (100g); chips (50g); gravy (60g) = 400cals
Supper:
Chocolatte (~80mL Skinny milk)
~1200cals
Exercise:
Pump + 3k on the tready (-330cals)
Monday, July 11, 2011
Slipped off again...
I've slipped off the wagon again a little.
It started at the end of last week.. it is like I weigh in on wednesday, got a good result and then... slippage!
Today I am tired, overwhelmed and stressed = I"m not going for my workout. I can feel a cold coming on, my face has been flushing all day, the throat is itching, runny nose. Add to that a good dose of PMS and blah about sums it up.
Here is hoping tomorrow is better!
It started at the end of last week.. it is like I weigh in on wednesday, got a good result and then... slippage!
Today I am tired, overwhelmed and stressed = I"m not going for my workout. I can feel a cold coming on, my face has been flushing all day, the throat is itching, runny nose. Add to that a good dose of PMS and blah about sums it up.
Here is hoping tomorrow is better!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
From zero to sixty..
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| Smashing it up.. Burpee style! |
You see, yesterday I decided to play on the slippery slide. It started with a half a hash brown from Maccas (because I reward my kids with bad food.. go figure). Then we went for KFC for lunch.. again feeding my kids crap as a way to reward them. Instead of having the leftover chicken satay, I had a wicked wings snack pack- chips and all - 530 cals! A bad choice, but, thought I, a nice light dinner, work hard at the gym, I will be fine.
But then all hell broke loose! I lost my days work on the computer. Stupid me had opened my file from email and not saved it on my hard-drive - meaning all the autosaves and saves were in a temp file that disappears when Word closes. And close it did! I had decided to put in a table of contents before emailing it off to my lecturer and that is when Word pooped itself, restarted and I was back to the file I had opened 6 hours earlier. A stupid mistake, and one I have made before so I should know better!
Now, this put me in stress mode. Hubby had already come home saying he wanted fish and chips for dinner, I was heading to the gym at 6.30pm, I was hungry from not having a snack, I wanted to see if I could recover the document, needed to catch up my work to send it off... result = one huge peice of battered fish and a couple of chips and an awful sick feeling all night, and all morning. And, I missed my gym session.
Add to that an awful night's sleep - a midnight 'cold tablet' due to a stuffed up nose, and I slept in until 11am this morning! I still felt like poop but I got my shit together and went and did 2 rounds of next weeks mini milestone .. including 60 burpees!
Until Wednesday I had never done a burpee but this week I had a go at one and hurt my thumb in the process! But today I did 60 of them! My workout went like this:
5min warm up run
30 lunges (each side)
30 step ups (each side) - I only had a small step so did them really fast!
30 squats
30 push-ups
15 reverse pull-ups/ 30 back extensions on the mini coupe (the kids version!)
30 crunches
30 burpees
5min run and back to the lunges for one more round.
it took me an hour and killed 335 cals which is pretty high for me (anywhere between 300 and 400 is a hard session for me).
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| Crunch, baby,Crunch! |
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| When Burpees Go Bad.... |
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| Doing the Burpee! |
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| The last one.. I think my face says it all! |
Friday, July 8, 2011
Reason No. 1 My Family
Well, I have looked at my excuses and my goals, planned, organised, and done my mindset lessons as per Mish's instructions. But there was one thing I haven't covered yet, and that is why I am doing this. Yes Yes, to be happy, but why is it so important to my happiness? Well, let us start with my number one reason: my family!
I am sad to say that I don't really see myself as a "good" mother. I'm not a bad mother... my kids are looked after and fed, sent to school, kept clean, and loved, however, I feel something is missing. There is that 'extra mile' that I feel I need to go to to make it into 'good' mother territory. My eldest son has severe behaviorial difficulties. At home he is just a 'hard work' type kid.. and unfortunatly, he tends to end up on the computer/PS3 or tv most of the time just because I don't have the time/energy to deal with him, or sometimes, even the know how. gosh that sounds terrible!
Now, I have two younger boys as well - no behaviorial problems but due to the enivironment, they too spend a lot of time on the computer or PS3. I need to change this. I need to get my family out of the house. The trampoline is great - the boys will go out there and play if /when they ever drag themselves out from in front of the screen. But I need to do more!
So today I am buying that boxing bag.. for me, my husband, and my kids! I'm also getting a second soccer ball (maybe a third) and a goal for them too! We will have a look at what else in the shop while we are there and see if anything takes their fancy! I will report back later with how it went!
Reporting back: We have a punching bag for the boys and I! Yippee! JD (who tends to have a quick temper) is loving it! He is out there now, boxing a way in his undies! DJ had a little go as well (my eldest) once I dragged him off the computer and he lashed out pretty wildly - but a few words "tuck your elbows in", "aim for the middle of the bag for the jabs, sides for hooks" .. and he was powering away. Even threw in a few roundhouse kicks to show off! lol CT (the youngest) just thought it was pretty fun and went a little rank!
I can't wait to have a good go at it tomorrow - I might try my super saturday at home this weekend!
I am sad to say that I don't really see myself as a "good" mother. I'm not a bad mother... my kids are looked after and fed, sent to school, kept clean, and loved, however, I feel something is missing. There is that 'extra mile' that I feel I need to go to to make it into 'good' mother territory. My eldest son has severe behaviorial difficulties. At home he is just a 'hard work' type kid.. and unfortunatly, he tends to end up on the computer/PS3 or tv most of the time just because I don't have the time/energy to deal with him, or sometimes, even the know how. gosh that sounds terrible!
Now, I have two younger boys as well - no behaviorial problems but due to the enivironment, they too spend a lot of time on the computer or PS3. I need to change this. I need to get my family out of the house. The trampoline is great - the boys will go out there and play if /when they ever drag themselves out from in front of the screen. But I need to do more!
So today I am buying that boxing bag.. for me, my husband, and my kids! I'm also getting a second soccer ball (maybe a third) and a goal for them too! We will have a look at what else in the shop while we are there and see if anything takes their fancy! I will report back later with how it went!
Reporting back: We have a punching bag for the boys and I! Yippee! JD (who tends to have a quick temper) is loving it! He is out there now, boxing a way in his undies! DJ had a little go as well (my eldest) once I dragged him off the computer and he lashed out pretty wildly - but a few words "tuck your elbows in", "aim for the middle of the bag for the jabs, sides for hooks" .. and he was powering away. Even threw in a few roundhouse kicks to show off! lol CT (the youngest) just thought it was pretty fun and went a little rank!
I can't wait to have a good go at it tomorrow - I might try my super saturday at home this weekend!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Food Diary: Week 7/8
Start Weight: 54.6kg
Wednesday:
(54.6kg)
In: 1300cals
Out: -285 (strength training -back and arms)
Thursday:
(54.6kg )
In: 1530cals (not good.. the satay chicken for lunch was a bit heavier on cals then I thought!)
Out: -350 (strong man training!)
Friday:
(54.8kg)
In: 2000cals (had a huge peice of battered fish - feeling sick and yuk)
Out: total blow out... both food and exercise.
Saturday:
(55.0kg)
In: 1300
Out: -350 (1/2 of next weeks SSS)
Sunday:
(n/a)
In: OMG... I didn't do my food diary!
Out: Rest Day!
Monday:
(54.9kg)
In:
Out: (strength training)
Wednesday:
(54.6kg)
In: 1300cals
Out: -285 (strength training -back and arms)
Thursday:
(54.6kg )
In: 1530cals (not good.. the satay chicken for lunch was a bit heavier on cals then I thought!)
Out: -350 (strong man training!)
Friday:
(54.8kg)
In: 2000cals (had a huge peice of battered fish - feeling sick and yuk)
Out: total blow out... both food and exercise.
Saturday:
(55.0kg)
In: 1300
Out: -350 (1/2 of next weeks SSS)
Sunday:
(n/a)
In: OMG... I didn't do my food diary!
Out: Rest Day!
Monday:
(54.9kg)
In:
Out: (strength training)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Living it for Life!
There is a big difference between 12 weeks and a life time and while I struggle with just these 12 weeks, I wonder how will I cope with a lifetime? I have come to realise that I actually need to change things for good, not just to meet my goal. I need to make this lifestyle a habit, it needs to be easy, it needs to be automatic, it needs to be 'me'.
I think this is where the 'organise and diarise' comes in to things. If I need to think about when to go to the gym, what to take, who will be there, what do I 'want' to do... well, I will also start thinking 'I don't have time", "I left this or that at home", "maybe I will be alone", "I want to have a bowl of coco pops". I think you can see the problem there!
The thing is though, I need to organise and diarise my entire life to make it work! And I hate routine! I thrive on it.. but I hate it! It all started with Flylady, way back in like 2005. A love-hate relationship with routine - loving while it was working but always trying to get back into it when I would crash and burn (blame it on the lazy gene!). I need to make it work now though!
This round is working for me in so many ways that it just didn't the last two. Firstly, I was asked to an ambassador, and although I still think that maybe they asked me by mistake (maybe got usernames mixed up?), I am still extremely honoured to wear that badge and this role seriously, to support others on the forums and help make sure everyone feels welcome and heard. Secondly, the finale party is in Brisbane making it that much more attainable - it is kinda 'home' in that I know the area as I was raised in SEQld and grew up going into Brissy regularly by train. It is also only a 45min plane ride away! Scary but doable! Thirdly, I have made a great friend (hey Nat!) who is a great motivation and support - she always says nice things to me, and gives me a reason to keep going and even just to turn up to gym classes! Lastly, I think the thing that has worked the most for me is that I am just doing it, I'm comfy at the gym now, I'm seeing results in my strength training, learning how to do the workouts, seeing the weight come off now I am keeping a food diary - it has just been great!
But what I need to do is to look at how to make it simpler, more automatic - so I don't need to think about. Health and fitness need to be integrated into my life so I never go back to 'lazy'.
How I see this happening is by making up a pack of recipes I know are easy to cook and modify for the family, inexpensive, and that we all like! I will need to make meal planing and shopping into a regular event instead of the randomness it is now (this will help with my budget as well!). And I think I need to print out my exercise plans in advance as well and have them packed into my gym bag (as well as having my gym gear washed and ready each day, and my water bottle filled and ready to go each day). Doing lunches of a night will help as well I think. I need for my routine to be workable and not too much of a shove, and I need to be sensible and not stay up all night watching tv shows! Though I reckon the odd day off would be great!
I know I won't get it right the first time and that is will take a bit of flexibility and a few dud attempts before I find a way to make this work for me, but I think it will be worth it! I'm trying to imagine what my life is going to look like in 12 wks time, and all the days in between and I know there will be challenges. Lots of them too! But if I plan well, and sensibly (not expecting outrageous things of myself) I think I will be fine!
It is exciting to think that at the rate I am going, I will be at goal weight by the end of this challenge. Half a kilo a week seems like a realistic goal so I should be somewhere between 51kg and 52kg. I could go lower but honestly, I feel like I would be pushing it too far. I know I could aim for 47kg and still be healthy so maybe will look at that for next round, or as a buffer for while I learn to maintain weight (though I doubt I will lose without trying! lol). Looking forward to my new life!
I think this is where the 'organise and diarise' comes in to things. If I need to think about when to go to the gym, what to take, who will be there, what do I 'want' to do... well, I will also start thinking 'I don't have time", "I left this or that at home", "maybe I will be alone", "I want to have a bowl of coco pops". I think you can see the problem there!
The thing is though, I need to organise and diarise my entire life to make it work! And I hate routine! I thrive on it.. but I hate it! It all started with Flylady, way back in like 2005. A love-hate relationship with routine - loving while it was working but always trying to get back into it when I would crash and burn (blame it on the lazy gene!). I need to make it work now though!
This round is working for me in so many ways that it just didn't the last two. Firstly, I was asked to an ambassador, and although I still think that maybe they asked me by mistake (maybe got usernames mixed up?), I am still extremely honoured to wear that badge and this role seriously, to support others on the forums and help make sure everyone feels welcome and heard. Secondly, the finale party is in Brisbane making it that much more attainable - it is kinda 'home' in that I know the area as I was raised in SEQld and grew up going into Brissy regularly by train. It is also only a 45min plane ride away! Scary but doable! Thirdly, I have made a great friend (hey Nat!) who is a great motivation and support - she always says nice things to me, and gives me a reason to keep going and even just to turn up to gym classes! Lastly, I think the thing that has worked the most for me is that I am just doing it, I'm comfy at the gym now, I'm seeing results in my strength training, learning how to do the workouts, seeing the weight come off now I am keeping a food diary - it has just been great!
But what I need to do is to look at how to make it simpler, more automatic - so I don't need to think about. Health and fitness need to be integrated into my life so I never go back to 'lazy'.
How I see this happening is by making up a pack of recipes I know are easy to cook and modify for the family, inexpensive, and that we all like! I will need to make meal planing and shopping into a regular event instead of the randomness it is now (this will help with my budget as well!). And I think I need to print out my exercise plans in advance as well and have them packed into my gym bag (as well as having my gym gear washed and ready each day, and my water bottle filled and ready to go each day). Doing lunches of a night will help as well I think. I need for my routine to be workable and not too much of a shove, and I need to be sensible and not stay up all night watching tv shows! Though I reckon the odd day off would be great!
I know I won't get it right the first time and that is will take a bit of flexibility and a few dud attempts before I find a way to make this work for me, but I think it will be worth it! I'm trying to imagine what my life is going to look like in 12 wks time, and all the days in between and I know there will be challenges. Lots of them too! But if I plan well, and sensibly (not expecting outrageous things of myself) I think I will be fine!
It is exciting to think that at the rate I am going, I will be at goal weight by the end of this challenge. Half a kilo a week seems like a realistic goal so I should be somewhere between 51kg and 52kg. I could go lower but honestly, I feel like I would be pushing it too far. I know I could aim for 47kg and still be healthy so maybe will look at that for next round, or as a buffer for while I learn to maintain weight (though I doubt I will lose without trying! lol). Looking forward to my new life!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Chicken Salsa
Serves: 1
Calories: 250 (Optional: 320)
Ingredients:
80g of chicken (cooked and diced)
35g of roasted capsicum salsa (Old El Pasco)
25g light 'n tasty shredded cheese (Devondale)
handful of mixed lettuce or baby spinach
Optional
1 slice of mountain bread
Method:
If having mountain bread, turn the oven onto 200C and slice up mountain bread into (8) triangles, bake for 15mins (while preparing the rest of the meal) or until they look nice and crispy (you can add a light spray of oil if you like).
combine chicken and salsa, place on a microwave safe plate and top with cheese. Microwave for 1min (approx) or until cheese melts (you could grill if you like).
Serve with mixed lettuce leaves or baby spinach.
Optional: serve with mountain bread 'crisps' as well!
Tips:
**great to take to work.. split into two containers, one to microwave with grated cheese, and one with the salad and/or mountain bread crisps.
**an alternative is to use the mountain bread and make it a wrap!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Goals or Gaols?
Ever feel like a goal is more like a gaol sentence? I think I have trouble setting goals because I need them to be flexible, or maybe I am just missing something! But I will have another go because I need to be able to succeed, and to succeed you need a goal!
So, of course, my goal is to be happy, and to be happy you need to be healthy - mentally and physically. I want to look good, I want to be strong, and I want to be fit. I want to be able to feel powerful and able to defend myself, or at least impress people with my phyical ability (yup, feed that ego!). So that is my 'overall' goal - but we need specifics and we need a timetable!
So, lets see:
I want to get into a lower weight range - 49-51kg, maybe lower but it will depend on how I feel once I get there, and how long it takes to work out maintanence! On the way there though, I want that waist circumfrance to get down below 80cm! It is dropping.. it was 84cm this morning, so it should get there soon! As for getting stronger.. I don't know how to measure this! I want to complete the lean and strong program, mostly to help me build strength for running. I want to be able to run in fun runs, and do a 10k race but those are goals for next round. But mostly, I just want my lifestyle set up so I have some good basic training happening each week with the occasional rest week thrown in for good measure!
The program does have measured results.. the weigh-ins, measurements, and fitness test.. so it is probably easier to fit my earlier goals around those.
Next two weeks: as measured in week 8 fitness test.
1. waist measurement at 82cm
2. run under 5mins (maintain)
3. abs to level one
4. wall sit to 1:30:00 or above
5. push-up to 40 or above
6. flex to 0 or less
7. weight to 53kg
Next six weeks: as measured in final fitness test.
1. waist measurement below 80cm
2. run under 5mins (maintain)
3. abs to level two
4. wall sit to 2:00:00 or above
5. push-up to 50 on on knees or try new goal on toes
6. flex to -3 or less
7. weight to 51kg or less
Now, beyond that, I want to sign up for round 3 and do the lean and fit program - well, design my own program based on classes, running, and strength goals. I am loving boxfit and strong man training on the tues and thurs night but I am not sure they count as strength training, I love the kickboxing too! So much to choose from! I also want to look at doing the October run for Breast Cancer, and there is one in early September too - I will join up with the Road Runners group here in town and maybe look at training with them on Tuesday nights for the interval training. These are the runs coming up next round!
11th September CQPhysio Group Spring Classic
23rd October Pink Ribbon Fun Run (I got just under 30mins for this race last year!)
Okay, so I am pretty happy with that! I will update as needed!
So, of course, my goal is to be happy, and to be happy you need to be healthy - mentally and physically. I want to look good, I want to be strong, and I want to be fit. I want to be able to feel powerful and able to defend myself, or at least impress people with my phyical ability (yup, feed that ego!). So that is my 'overall' goal - but we need specifics and we need a timetable!
So, lets see:
I want to get into a lower weight range - 49-51kg, maybe lower but it will depend on how I feel once I get there, and how long it takes to work out maintanence! On the way there though, I want that waist circumfrance to get down below 80cm! It is dropping.. it was 84cm this morning, so it should get there soon! As for getting stronger.. I don't know how to measure this! I want to complete the lean and strong program, mostly to help me build strength for running. I want to be able to run in fun runs, and do a 10k race but those are goals for next round. But mostly, I just want my lifestyle set up so I have some good basic training happening each week with the occasional rest week thrown in for good measure!
The program does have measured results.. the weigh-ins, measurements, and fitness test.. so it is probably easier to fit my earlier goals around those.
Next two weeks: as measured in week 8 fitness test.
1. waist measurement at 82cm
2. run under 5mins (maintain)
3. abs to level one
4. wall sit to 1:30:00 or above
5. push-up to 40 or above
6. flex to 0 or less
7. weight to 53kg
Next six weeks: as measured in final fitness test.
1. waist measurement below 80cm
2. run under 5mins (maintain)
3. abs to level two
4. wall sit to 2:00:00 or above
5. push-up to 50 on on knees or try new goal on toes
6. flex to -3 or less
7. weight to 51kg or less
Now, beyond that, I want to sign up for round 3 and do the lean and fit program - well, design my own program based on classes, running, and strength goals. I am loving boxfit and strong man training on the tues and thurs night but I am not sure they count as strength training, I love the kickboxing too! So much to choose from! I also want to look at doing the October run for Breast Cancer, and there is one in early September too - I will join up with the Road Runners group here in town and maybe look at training with them on Tuesday nights for the interval training. These are the runs coming up next round!
11th September CQPhysio Group Spring Classic
23rd October Pink Ribbon Fun Run (I got just under 30mins for this race last year!)
Okay, so I am pretty happy with that! I will update as needed!
Friday, July 1, 2011
But I'm Special!
I've realised there is a new breed of excuse out there as I revisit pre-season task 2! It's the 'I'm Special' excuse coming to an ego near you soon! It started with something Mish said on the video the other day and it suddenly clicked - I think I am special! I think that I don't need to follow the program exactly! Well, how has that been working for me? ummm.. Not so good given it got me fat in the first place and why it has taken me so long to lose a measly 5kg (third round now!).
So to quote Mish (roughly) "some people seem to think they are "special" or just too clever to follow the program". Now, reasonably - there are people with 'special needs' on the program, some with injuries and dietary needs, but these are not the people Mish is talking about. It's not the people who are in difficult stages of life - stuck living at home with an unsupportive family, a stay at home mum with little kids at home. It is not the people who do know a bit about exercise and swap their training around a bit, or who swap their meals around. The sitation itself is not what is being defined here - but it is the attitude that leads to not doing the program as it is set out! It's skipping this or that, not participating fully, or making a half-arsed effort and then wondering why it isn't working!
So, are you sitting there saying "I don't need to do that because I am special" (where special means that I think I can lose weight anyway). Well, it is time to wake up! For the "me's" out there who think you are just too damn good and don't have to do the pre-season tasks (honestly and thoroughly - a 5min whizz through is not suffiicient), who think they don't really need to plan out their food or do that weekly shop, who don't do a food diary, plan their exercise, mark off red flag and check menu's before you go out, and don't finish their workouts or get their 4-500 cals a day exercise - how is that working for you?
Of course you need to do the pre-season tasks, of course you need to track your food, follow the meal plans (with allowences for dietary needs and special circumstances), do the exercise 6 days a week, watch the videos AND be a supportive member of the online community as well. If you don't do those things, how can you expect to get the most out of the program? How can you expect to acheive your goals unless you define them? How will you ever move past your excuses unless you write down what they are and work at finding a solution? How will you ever learn about nutrition and healthy eating unless you let someone teach you? How will you recognise the eating habits that are holding you back unless you really look at what you are eating - honestly? How can you fill your world with 'like-minded' people unless you participate in the forums or events? How can you learn from Mish if you never watch the videos? I could go on but I am sure you get the point by now! Each aspect of the program is there for a reason!
So what am I going to do? Well, the aspect of the program I have not been participating in is the meal planning and shopping. Really slack on my behalf. I also didn't fully give myself to the pre-season tasks which is why I am here, looking over them again! I have done them all before on the other rounds so I dont' need to right? Wrong! I just need to delve deeper which I think is what I have acheived in this post. So I will add to my 'excuses' list: I think I am special and much too clever to have to follow the program. Solution: I will embrace each task and aspect of the program fully and without the attitude!
So to quote Mish (roughly) "some people seem to think they are "special" or just too clever to follow the program". Now, reasonably - there are people with 'special needs' on the program, some with injuries and dietary needs, but these are not the people Mish is talking about. It's not the people who are in difficult stages of life - stuck living at home with an unsupportive family, a stay at home mum with little kids at home. It is not the people who do know a bit about exercise and swap their training around a bit, or who swap their meals around. The sitation itself is not what is being defined here - but it is the attitude that leads to not doing the program as it is set out! It's skipping this or that, not participating fully, or making a half-arsed effort and then wondering why it isn't working!
So, are you sitting there saying "I don't need to do that because I am special" (where special means that I think I can lose weight anyway). Well, it is time to wake up! For the "me's" out there who think you are just too damn good and don't have to do the pre-season tasks (honestly and thoroughly - a 5min whizz through is not suffiicient), who think they don't really need to plan out their food or do that weekly shop, who don't do a food diary, plan their exercise, mark off red flag and check menu's before you go out, and don't finish their workouts or get their 4-500 cals a day exercise - how is that working for you?
Of course you need to do the pre-season tasks, of course you need to track your food, follow the meal plans (with allowences for dietary needs and special circumstances), do the exercise 6 days a week, watch the videos AND be a supportive member of the online community as well. If you don't do those things, how can you expect to get the most out of the program? How can you expect to acheive your goals unless you define them? How will you ever move past your excuses unless you write down what they are and work at finding a solution? How will you ever learn about nutrition and healthy eating unless you let someone teach you? How will you recognise the eating habits that are holding you back unless you really look at what you are eating - honestly? How can you fill your world with 'like-minded' people unless you participate in the forums or events? How can you learn from Mish if you never watch the videos? I could go on but I am sure you get the point by now! Each aspect of the program is there for a reason!
So what am I going to do? Well, the aspect of the program I have not been participating in is the meal planning and shopping. Really slack on my behalf. I also didn't fully give myself to the pre-season tasks which is why I am here, looking over them again! I have done them all before on the other rounds so I dont' need to right? Wrong! I just need to delve deeper which I think is what I have acheived in this post. So I will add to my 'excuses' list: I think I am special and much too clever to have to follow the program. Solution: I will embrace each task and aspect of the program fully and without the attitude!
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