New Years Eve

59.8kg -
Bedtime Last Night: 2am
Wake up: 8.30am

Breakfast:
cuppa tea
egg on white bread (sold out of w/meal at shops!)

Morning Tea:
cuppa tea and a slice of chocolate mud cake

Lunch:
Cheerios in bread w/ tomato sauce
water

Afternoon Tea:
Handful of pizza Shapes
cuppa tea

Dinner:
Chicken Breast in the GFG (George Foreman Grill!)
Exercise:
Mowed Lawn and trimmed hedges for an hour
5km walk w/ Clem (~150cals)

Thursday 30th December

60.1  +

Bedtime Last Night:  after midnight
Wake up: 8am

Breakfast:
cuppa tea
muesli, yogurt, and kiwifruit

I had really bad indigestion after that - like curled up in bed agony indigestion!  Ow!

Lunch:
6 cherios with tomato sauce

Naptime!
Afternoon tea:
2 x cuppa tea
slice of Rocky road

Dinner:
Lemon chicken and pasta

Exercise:
5k run/walk doing week 3 of the 10k program (4x 5min runs 1min walk)

It felt soo great to get back to running. It has been eye-opening going back to doing the walks and first week of c25k with Clem - I was actually moaning when told to stop!  lol I remember moaning whenever I was told to run the first time I did it! lol  Poor Clem isnt' having a good time of it though - her face gets so red but hopefully this will give her the motivation to stop smoking!

iPhone apps

iPhones are pretty popular these days and I must admit to loving mine!  I use it everyday for lots of things, including my fitness!  So I thought I would share which apps I am currently using and let you know what I think!  Feel free to post recommendations and reviews yourselfs in the comments section so I can find some more to try out!

1. Runkeeper
This is my most used application on my iPhone.  I use it everyday to track my runs/walks and absolutely love it.  I enter in my intervals for training which I get from online sites - like the c25k and bridge to 10k programs and hit the streets with my playlist selected! At the end of each run (or even during!) it tells me where I went on a map, how far I went, and my speed/rate for the whole thing, or during intervals.  And it publishes to facebook and twitter!  Now there are plenty of apps that will let you do that, but Runkeeper seems to have the greatest potential to use more functionality if I get more into my running, I barely even look at the website but there is so much on there which I haven't even thought of using yet!  I am just waiting now to be able to integrate my polar heart rate monitor with runkeeper.  One of the other apps has just added this feature (but not with the polar hrm) so I expect it will be some time in the next 12mths!
What I love though, is when I get an email saying that I have run more kilometers this week then ever before or something like that!  Totally cool!

2. TargetWeight.
Now I am looking at something to log my wieght and I found this which is fantastic - only wish it had measurements as well!  I might go look now and see what I can find!  I do like this one though as it keeps it nice and simple!  I just enter my weight each day and it graphs it, and positions me on a BMI chart (today I just went from orange (overweight) into green (healthy)!

3. Body Body.
I have just downloaded this and it looks fun!  It is a tracker (will replace the above one if it is good) that allows you to choose what you track.. I've started with weight and waistline! The bmi seems to be out.. 24.97 is showing as overweight though I am sure the cut-off is 25.  The language is a bit out as well e.g. says 'remained' instead of remaining but the writer is Japanese I believe so English would be second language.  The layout is sooo adorable though! It is also password protected and allows up to 7 people - so you can record height and weight for your kids as they grow as well! I'm thinking this is a keeper!

I have a few more apps which I don't really use much so I won't bother putting them in here until I start to use them more regularly!

Wednesday 29th December 2010

60.0kg (Going Down!)
Bedtime last night: about 2am - couldn't sleep!
Woke up: 7.30am

Midnight Snack:
tin of baked beans

Breakfast:
cuppa tea
muesli, yogurt, a strawberry and some blueberries

Morning Tea:
handful of doritoes with salsa and a bit of cheese
cuppa tea

Lunch:
sweet chili wrap w/ seared chicken
coke zero

Dinner:
w/meal pita bread with salsa, ham, tomato, mushroom, and cheese (ie. mini pizzas!)
a bit of Rocky Road
cuppa tea

Supper:
bowl of choc chip icecream

Exercise:
General activity level low
5km walk/run with Clem

Tuesday 28th December 2010

60.1kg
Wake up: 9am

Food:
Breakfast:
cuppa tea
egg on w/grain bread

Lunch:
Beef Tortellini (Lean Cuisine)

Afternoon Tea:
toasted cheese sanga (wholemeal)
cuppa tea

Dinner:
beef pattie (woolies butcher type) on a wholemeal bread sanga
cuppa tea

Supper:
some cheap choc chip icecream

Exercise:
General Activity level low
Took kids to park in rain!

Monday 27th December 2010

Wake Up: 8am
Weigh in: 60.7kg

Food:
Breakfast
cuppa tea (milk, 2 sugars)
yogurt and muesli with blueberries and half a banana
(mmm either the yogurt or the banana didn't agree with me.. bad indigestion)

Morning Tea
cuppa tea (milk, 2 sugars)

Lunch
Creamy pumpkin cup-a-soup
w/meal roll with beef burger

Afternoon Tea
water

Dinner
lamb roast with steamed vegetables
and mini roast potatoes (ie fried)
an inch of JD's sour lolly

Supper
chocolate milk (quik)

Exercise:
general activity level was low
5km walk (c25k week one w/Clem)

Bedtime:
11pm

Setting Some Goals

Time to set some goals and make some plans!

Weight is pretty obvious - I want to lose about 10kg to get me down to 50kg.  It is within my ideal weight zone, and given my small frame, it is probably more my maximum healthy weight!  Now the hard part is working on the time frame for achieving this.  At half a kilo a week, it will take 20 weeks.  If I set my start day as Jan 1, 2011, then that will take me until the end of May.  Not bad timing really as the next 12wbt challenge ends on May 14th but we have holidays planned for the two weeks prior to that!   Hopefully I will make it a good camping holiday with lots of exercise!

So the plan:

27th Dec 60kg
3rd Jan 
10th Jan 59kg
17th Jan

Preseason Begins
24th Jan 58kg
31st Jan (Kids back to school; Dyllan's B'day)
7th Feb 57kg
14th Feb (Holidays; Party for Dyllan)

1/  21st Feb 56kg 
2/  28th Feb
     3rd Mar (Graduation)
3/  7th Mar 55kg
4/  14th Mar
5/  21st Mar 54kg
6/  28th Mar (PhD begins)
     3rd Apr  (Cam's B'day)
7/  4th Apr 53kg
8/  11th Apr
     16th Apr (School holidays begin)
9/  18th Apr 52kg
10/ 26th Apr (School starts back)
11/ 2nd May 51kg (Holidays)
     5th May (Vanessa's B'day)
12/ 9th May
     16th May 50kg (End Challenge)


So that is all the major stuff but I want to focus on the next month in particular.

In the next four weeks I shall:
Lose 2kg so that I will weigh-in at 58kg for the 21st Jan (Pre-season start)
I will acheive this by:
Beginning the ease into 10k program and get up to week four (weeks 1-3 will be my first week of running, then week 4,5, and 6 will be three runs each over three weeks);
Doing strength training twice a week;

Things to do now:
[done] enter the 10k program into runkeeper (first 6 weeks)
work out a strength training programing for myself
set alarms in my iPhone!

Weekly Schedule:

Mon: Running
Tues: Strength
Wed: Running
Thurs: Strength
Fri: Yoga
Sat: Swimming (am); Running (pm)
Sun:  Rest Day

Okay, so now I will head off and do what I need to do!

Food Today:
yogurt and muesli with blueberries and strawberries
apple
egg and lettuce sandwich (wholegrain bread; no butter)
Beef and Mushroom stirfry and pasta (oyster sauce)
several cup of teas!
tin of baked beans before bed

Exercise Today:
Walked 5k with Clem

Morning Exercise - Habits take work!

So far this isn't working!

Firstly, someone changed the time on my alarm waking me at midnight (well, four minutes too) with the shocking sounds of a saxophone booming out at top volume!  Not pleasant!  Of course my 6.30am alarms were deleted in the process.

The night before last, I crashed at 11pm after imbibing a lovely bottle of wine so exercise kinda went out the window!  Then last night I went to bed around 1am so waking up this morning at 7am was pretty impressive, exercise or not!  Maybe I was pushing for too much???

Breakfast is doing well though so I am pretty happy with that! 

Now, to solve my 'waking' issue I am taking on a new tact.. a star chart!  Well, kind of anyway!  In the Women's Health Magazine, there was a free calander care of John West Tuna Slices with a lovely 'well cut' man decorating each month!  This calander is my start chart for the year!  Each month I will chose a habit to focus on and change, something from a health perspective and something from a 'mum' perspective.

January will be spent reinforcing my morning exercise and getting the kids and myself to make our beds in the morning!

In case I don't get back in to blog today - Merry Christmas!

Not such a grand morning!

Not such a grand morning this morning!

Bedtime last night was 11pm so I will have to change that. Fair enough that the kids took a bit to get to sleep, but I still stayed up an hour later until heading to bed. I need to get over the ‘when the next show is over’ thing!

I am not doing strength training this morning – mostly because I have none to do (but also because my niece is awake and I am too shamed to exercise in front of anyone!
But the more practise I get waking up early the better! I might go hang out some washing while it is still cool!

Morning Exercise!

So this is turning into more of a 'seven habits of healthy people'!

1. Breakfast
2. Morning Exercise!

I am so proud of myself.  I bought myself an alarm app last night and set it for 6.15am with a gentle reminder to 'Go running!'.  It even tells me the current weather at my location so I knew that it was raining but I woke up and used the 10min rule!  It took me a while to get ready (D wanted a coffee and his lappy in bed) which didn't work in my favour as it soon started pouring!  Umbrella in hand I decided to go for a walk for 10mins and see how it went.  The rain settled a bit so I set my runkeeper to my training program (5 intervals of 3/1mins), tucked my umbrella under my arm and did my 5km.

So what are the advantages of morning exercise...
1. gets it out of the way for the day!
2. in summer time it is a lot cooler!
3. you burn more fat as your sugar stores are low from 8hrs with no food!
4. kick starts the metabolism for the day (and your circadian rhythms!)
5. feels great!

It is great knowing that I have done my exercise for the day - no procrastinating!  And breakfast was yummy because I was so flippin hungry! lol  I think I will keep this up!  It is well worth the effort!  I can only hope I start going to bed a normal hour now!

Breakfast...

.. is the most important meal of the day!

Why?

We have all heard this but how many of us start the day off with a truely healthy nutritious breakfast?  Myself, I usually have a quick bowl of cereal washed down with a cuppa tea or a bacon and egg McMuffin washed down with Coke Zero and a hash brown a couple of hours after my morning cuppa!

A quick scope of scopus (a scientific database) gives a scary picture of what this means for my health.

Women who skip breakfast (based a college student survey followed up for five years) were more likely to have absent or irregular periods and to suffer from constipation, and also had a poorer perception of their own health (Fujiwara & Nakata 2010).  Now I only read the abstract but I could surmise that this may be an affect of a lack of fibre - which is what I perceive as the main dietary benefit of breakfast.
Another aspect to the importance of breakfast is the timing of food consumption - both in kick-starting the metabolic processes in the body and also the importance of cicadian rhythms.  The amount of sleep we get is also linked to obesity.  There is a nice review (Laposky et al 2008) titled "Sleep and circadian rhythms: key components in the regulation of energy metobolism." which provides a good overview of research on this topic.
As a non-expert I would say that breakfast is important because:

•  it's already been 8+ hours since you last ate - your body would be in some kind conservation mode after that long without food - longer will make it even worse.
• it will kick-start your metabolism and have it working in balance with your sleep/wake cycle
• you can make sure your metabolism is healthy and balanced setting you up for the rest of the day
• an opportunity to ingest a healthy balanced meal and get important nutrients like fibre, without cravings influencing you
• can prevent over-eating or bad choices made due to extreme hunger and cravings that happen if you dont' eat breakfast
• any meal at home is one you have more control over ingredient wise

So I think it is a pretty easy leap to say that breakfast is vital to a healthy lifestyle.  I am sure some people can remain thin and 'healthy' without it, but not my definition of healthy in which my body is metabolically efficient.

What makes a healthy breakfast?

While it is pretty easy to spot a healthy meal from a perspective of being low in fat and sugar and additives, what makes a healthy breakfast?  What is a good balance of nutrition with which to kick start our metabolism and set ourselves with a balanced system to prevent cravings?
Firstly, I would think that fibre is hugely important in the mornings.  Fibre lines our gut to protect the microvilli that absorb nutrients, it also provides a chemical barrier so that the nutruients (particularly the sugars) reach those microvilli evenly rather then in bursts. I dont' 'know' this however, it seems intuitive to me from the various things I have learnt over the years - please double check these 'facts'!
Secondly, a complex carbohydrates for energy are a must!  Some fruit and cereal should provide a good source of energy to get through till lunch.  This is also a great way to get fibre as most complex carbs come with fibre!
Thirdly, protein would also be essential to providing the nutrition required for the early half of the day - often the most productive physically!  Protein is also great for long-term satiation - so we feel full longer.  Where to get protein?  Egg or diary is pretty good for a breakfast protein given most of us couldn't stomach a steak at that hour!


So what are some breakfast options?

No cooking required!

Muesli, fruit, and yogurt

170g Forme yogurt
40g muesli (Select crunchy)
Blueberries
1 Lge Strawberry
1/2 banana

This is my fave breakfast, only I don't always have fruit on hand!  It can also be a pain having to finish a big tub of yogurt as I hate the thought of old yogurt!



egg on toast

more to come....

Sad

Today I am sad.  My neice just left my place in a huff with her daughter. 

Apparently I wasn't as gracious a host as I thought I was being.  I feel torn between the injustice of her being angry with me when I have opened my home, rearranged my house and my life, changed our routine, put my children out, etc etc  but then also feeling like maybe I am just a horrible person and maybe I should have bought thier daughter presents, cooked more, cleaned more, been more 'nice'.  I don't know. 

Right now, all I know is that I don't know if I should pack away the blow up mattresses and go through the hassle of moving Dyllan's bed back into the other room (if it is even possible!) so he can have his bedroom back, and I don't know what I am going to do with the kids tomorrow as she was meant to babysit for an hour for me while I go to uni. At least I can redecorate the Christmas tree with the baubles that haven't been broken!

I feel like crying.

12wbt Final Post - My Birthday

Well, my gift to myself today was meant to be a healthy body.  Instead I am eating chocolate cookies and a hot chocolate (albeit low fat versions) at the exact same weight I was at the beginning of this process.  It is now time for the evaluation:  what have a learnt?  What have a done well?  What have a not done well.

1. Meal plan:  I was unable to keep up with the commitment of the meal plan.  That was the first aspect to go - I am a creature of habit and I found the change difficult.  The meals were wonderful, I loved trying new things, but I didn't enjoy the extra work - my husband normally cooks and he is 'unable' to cook to a plan or recipe.  If I am to make permenent changes in regards to at least dinner time meals, I will have to do a lot of work on changing my husbands patterns as well as my own.  The family meals will need to be adapted and a general shift in how we manage meal times will have to take place.  Without this aspect of the program working for me I returned to the usual 1200 calories on Calorie King which I was doing before.

2. Exercise program.  I had come into this expecting a little more in regards to exercise programs.  I had hoped to get a proper running program - similar to the c25k program but for increasing speed and distance and more 'all round' fitness as well.  I was able to keep my running up and meet several goals - I ran 10km for the first time, and I ran my 5km in under 30mins.  I also started up swimming and have reached my first goal of being able to swim a full lap of the pool.  The strenth training aspect - I went with Mish's 'outdoors' training program and went well the first week.  But... I found it difficult doing the exercises with masses of printouts to try and learn the program from.  If I had of stuck with it, I am sure it would have gotten easier.  I would recommend to Mish that she considers a iPhone app (or just videos available online) which has the program listed (what to do and reps so you can mark it off as you are done) with the exercises described in video format.  Strength training has always been the hardest aspect for me... the times I have done this successfully was through gym membership and through the sparkpeople site where I made my own program.  I really liked the exercise program given though - I just wish it was more user friendly or that I knew how to do the exercises already (or that my iPhone app dream would come true! lol).

3.  Videos, Live Feeds, Surprises and Prizes.  The level of interaction was great although I felt like a teenager waiting for someone famous to acknowledge my existence!  It sucks that the program is sooo huge and there are so many people out there - a little more personalisation would be awesome.  I am thinking that if I participate again, I will organise a group and meetings for this area.  That level of real accountability would help a lot I believe!  The videos were great, and Mish has an awesome attitude which is infectious!  It is absolutely the one thing that holds the program together!  Prizes were great as well - I managed to win something in the final weeks! Seriously though - fitness tests should NOT be a part of the weekly surprises!  Also, the live chat format is a bit weird - a great opportunity is lost as everyone is so busy throwing out questions.  I would say it would work better to have a general live chat forum available on a few nights each week with Mish coming online every now and then and then have a seperate video made up where people submit questions by a certain time and then the video done up by the next day or something.

4.  Forums and blogs.. fantastic.  There was a real support network happening but it is really about how much you put in.  The blogs were really supportive with lots of commenting happening to begin with but it peetered out toward the end unfortunatly, as did many of the blogs!


I have had a bad couple of weeks to finish up with.  My Neice and her husband and child have come to stay in my tiny 3brm home and their work fell through thanks to the huge amount of rain we have had up here.  Then I found out a friend of mine has had her children removed from her care.  And now I have found out that a former neighbour's child - who was friends with my eldest son, was killed last week.  We haven't seen her for the last 6mths as she went to stay with her father but she was a great kid and we miss her already.  I have helped out by sending a box of groceries and pet food around but that is all we can afford.  Oh yes, and our tenents in our rental property have not paid rent for 6weeks and have been breaking the law and terrorising the neighbourhood (literally - Australian federal police were called!).  We have no money - I have thankfully got most the Christmas presents but things like the PS3 and Cam's iPad (which was to be his new communication device at school now the funding for his 'talking computer' at school has dropped) are now on hold.  I can only hope we sell the house now as Cameron needs that iPad for school next year and I was hoping to have the holidays to be able to set it up for him.  (For those who don't know, Cam has severe verbal dyspraxia and is not able talk as yet.  this year he has started saying mum, dad, yes, no, I don't know, and a few other key words but the communication program allows him to tell teachers when he is hurt, to participate in show and tell, say good morning to everyone, and answer questions in class.).  

sigh.. so with a few major things happening the last two weeks have disappeared in a blur of stress and commitments and helping others.  Hopefully by next year I will be able to have some me time!

Week 10 Tuesday

Yesterday I took a photo of my breakfast....

40g of Select Classic Muesli

175g of Forme French Vanilla Yogurt

35g or 1 large Strawberry

50g or 1/2 a banana

25g or 10 blueberries

Of course, most mornings I forego the banana and have only half the yogurt, and then include a cuppa tea!  Eating to my own bodies needs is what is important and eating that full plate is actually quite difficult!

confessions

Of course I haven't been eating my breakfast the last few weeks and instead have been grabbing McDonalds (Bacan and Egg McMuffin in a small meal deal with coke zero thanks) on the way back from dropping the kids at school.  I really hate doing this - firstly it is expensive and secondly, I hate hash browns but always end up eating it!  Coke zero is a terrible way to start a day, as is all that greasy stuff on the muffin (which, I might add, was all hard and stale the last time I got one!).

Now I have to clarify - I am not BAD for choosing this, and the food isn't BAD or even NAUGHTY.  It's not what I want though.  I mean, who wants to give themselves a second rate breakfast.  I am a bit disappointed in myself that I would not care enough about ME to make time for a great breakfast.  Seriously, who would not want to eat that delicious looking plate full of food in the comfort of thier own home?  Who would rather grab a greasy bacon and egg McMuffin that you scoff down one-handed while driving home and wash it down with watered down coke zero that half the time still tastes like the cleaning chemicals they use to wash the machine (at least they wash the machine!).

Today's List..

My neice and her husband (and 2yo girl) is coming to stay for a while this afternoon so I have to run and do some general cleaning and fix up the room for them! 

Clean the lounge and hall and vacuum

Clean up the toys in the spare room

Clean Dyllan's room and move toys into there

Fold clothes and put away

Move clothes into Dyllan's room

wash the sheets and pillows from spare room (dryer to dry)

Vacuum and carpet clean

Blow up spare mattress and make up as a double bed.

UPDATE:

I have decided to start a new challenge... 100k in 30days...  3km walking today!

Week 9: Tuesday

How to change a life.


I just don't know.  I can see what I want, and where I need to go but I just can't seem to take those steps toward it.  Argh.. I need to stop trying and just live the life I want!  Who cares if I am a bit podgy - if I live the way I want then it doesn't matter!  I am going to stop focusing on the goal of losing weight.  I don't want to have to think and plan my whole life around food - I want to just live a natural fulfilling life.  I want to change my habits, but I don't have to do it all at once!

1.  I will eat great food!  And I will savour every mouthful.  If I am not enjoying it then I will stop!  It is not nice to overfill myself, to eat sweets until I feel sick.  I deserve the time it takes to plan and cook a good meal.

I need to find recipes and lots of them!  Nice food that I enjoy eating - the food on the 12wbt challenge is great, I have found lots of new recipes but some of them are so far out of my comfort zone!  I want meals that are protein and veg/salad.  The soups are great too though.. I am making the Thai pumpkin soup tonight!

And water - I need to keep my insides clean and healthy.  I really think that my attitude towards water is what I need to adjust - instead of associating water with feeling sluggish, I need think 'clean'.


Anyways, I need to find something yummy that I can enjoy right now - before I go pick up the kids! 

Week 8 (Sunday) And again!

Just keep swimming baby!

Today was mediocre..

I have a throat infection so not a great start, and I had a late night/ sleep in.

Breakfast was egg on toast, for lunch I had a vego soup from the freezer.  Then I did the baking for the week - fruit muffins and gingerbread cookies!  I had some major nibblies though - that dough was soo yummy!  lol I didn't do too badly though and only had a little bit!  I did have a fruit muffin when they were cooked as well!
I've had a couple of cuppa teas, and a hot chocolate.  And now will be doing a beef stir-fry for dinner!

And I will go to bed a bit earlier tonight!

Beef stirfry = yummy
Glass of muscato rosa.. yummmy!  But probably not the best choice! lol

Week 7 (Sunday) Let's Try That Again....

Okay, no excuses or reasons.  I just didn't do it. 

Today is a new day so here goes:

Breakfast..

2 x cuppa tea
1 egg on toast (no butter)

Morning Tea..

Mango (soo yummy)
Water (in my lovely water bottle from Cheeki)

Lunch...


Afternoon Tea..


Dinner..


Supper..


Exercise..

Rest day today - preparing for my speech tomorrow so I might go for a run later!


I've essentially got 4wks left until the final weigh-in and picture.  I'm essentially right back where I started.  My goal is to stick to plan for the next 4 weeks.

I will:
- stick to 1200 calories per day and have a decent go at meal planning!
- stick to the exercise plan for weeks one to four
- plan a head for bad days.

1st red flag day being Monday night when I intend to consume alcohol - not a huge drinker so it wont be too bad but I will have to make up for it with exercise!  After that... I have no intention of leaving the plan until my birthday on the final day!

I will come back to my blog as well!

Week 6 (Sunday) Acceptance

Acceptance is hard for me.

I always think I can try harder, and yes, I could!

But what is done is done.  My honours thesis is now complete and ready to print.  I am not looking at it again.  I will now finish my lab book and then prepare my talk and by next Monday.. I will be FREE!

No more assessments!  EVER!

Time to grab some food and then have a nap I think!

Goal - a Re-Evaluation.

Due to the 'bleep' that has been the last couple of weeks, I am off track for my goal.  So I am re-setting my goals.

My main goal is to get under 55kg before the end of the challenge.  I weighed in at 58.1kg this morning (only 700g down from my first weigh-in) so I can break it down like this:

Week 7 - 57.5kg
Week 8 - 57.0kg
Week 9 - 56.5kg
Week 10 - 56.0kg
Week 11 - 55.5kg
Week 12 - 55.0kg

That is half a kilo a week and totally acheivable.
Now, I also have my swimming and running goals..

By the end of the challenge I would like to be doing at least two laps of the pool (50m) without stopping.  It has taken me 6 weeks to get to 25m, so allowing 6wks to get to 50m seems reasonable.

Running - I just need to get a regular training routing going rather then just 3x 5km runs.  I want to get my interval training happening so I can increase my speed even further, and to do long runs on Saturdays.  I think I need to commit to a Tuesday training session with the running club.  I don't know if I am ready though so I will just give a tentative 'maybe' for now! lol 

So by the end of the challenge I want to have a regular 10km saturday run happening, and to be going to Tuesday training sessions!

I also need to do toning and yoga sessions!

I want to be able to do a sit-up and to hold a plank for 60secs!  I would also like to look into body shaping (rather then body building) and to do up a good routine specifically for my body!

Mmmmm Have I been specific enough?  I think I will need to re-do this again a few times to really get my goals down pat, but I will be 'diarise and organise'ing very soon and that really does help in clarifying my goals!

Week 6 (Saturday) My Swim Class

I totally rock!

25m of the pool - freestyle and breaststroke - Goal Acheived!

The only time I stopped mid-lap was when I trying two laps in a row.  So I now have my next goal...


50m of the pool in freestyle!

and while I am there.. my butterfly kick is "impressive" so the next thing is to add arms - next week apparently!

I am so happy with this.  I don't think I quite rank as a 'swimmer' as yet but I am getting there!  It was pretty cool actually, there was another trainer there today, getting up her hours for her certificate, and we were talking about what my goals were and how I was going with them and it was so nice to feel like I could hold my own in the conversation.  I had goals, I new where I was in acheiving them.  Here was this person, who I would have been so intimidated of previously,  and I was on an equal footing!  Maybe not as fit, but that same attitude, the same area of interest.  It was cool!
I feel like I could actually go out and start making friends, getting into the social scene of fitness!  I am starting to feel proud of myself and who I am.  Afterall, I have achieved a lot to go from someone who couldn't leave the house for years to someone who could go out, get my driver's licence, go to uni and get my degree, get my Honours, and pretty soon, get a job.  And I have lost over 10kg, learnt to run up to 10kms, run in 3 5km races and am now learning to swim!  And all that while raising 3 boys with special needs!

My life rocks!

Week 6 (Friday) Back to the Excuses!

Oh I hate excuses!  I have a hundred of them that are not even worth listing.

The main ones are that I am too busy, too tired, too everything when in reality I am just not making the right choices which makes it even harder again to make those good choices.  If I eat crappy, then I have trouble sleeping so I am tired and can't exercise and eat crappy and have trouble sleeping. 

I need to break the cycle and Just F'n Do It!

That is, I think, the main thing to learn from this excuses exercise - there are too many of them to worry about individually but they are all the same.

The hard part is learning what is learning what is and isn't in my control.  One of the reasons I have been not been happy with my progress so far is that I am using my thesis as an excuse when in reality, what I eat and when I exercise is still in my control and I am choosing not to do it.  Not because of my thesis and workload, but because I have the excuse and I let myself use it!

Not anymore!  I can still do this!  I want it so bad!

Week 6 (Thursday) Re-introduction!

Hi!  My name is Jenifer and I am 36yo.
I have been a member of the 12wbt since pre-season first began and was doing really well up until week 3. 
Three weeks on from that and I have realised that I have completly stopped participating in the challenge except for the forums.  I do have an excuse.. a good one too... my Honours thesis is due to be printed on Monday November 1st.  Whether that is a valid excuse is up for debate! 

I have decided that given my situation, it would be a good idea to 're-start' my journey and go-over the pre-season tasks again, so here I am.

I am a student - Biomedical Science Honours - and will hopefully begin work soon as well, but everything after Monday is a complete mystery!
I have three children.. all boys, 11, 7 and 5yo.  And I have a partner - today is our 18th anniversary of 'getting together' (we haven't been bothered to get married as yet - though I have the ring!).


So why am I doing the 12wbt challenge?

I am about 10kg overweight.  I was 42kg when I was pregnant with my first child way back in 1998.  I was in the middle of a mental illness - anxiety/panic disorder and agorophobia.  Cause and effect get a bit mixed up here but there was a link between my illness and food.  I soon discovered food made me feel better and healthier but after years of eating crap (just not much of it) I had no idea what healthy food was so although eating more was a good thing - I was eating more of the wrong foods.  So after 10yrs the weight had slowly crept on and on and on until I hit 69kg.  At this point I actually realised that I was getting 'fat' - not just a little chubby but unhealthy - overwieght and bordering on obese.  yes, I know 69kg seems a low number for many people, but at 155cm tall, that is 20kg overweight. 

I started to eat healthy (calorie king is AWESOME) and joined a gym.  It didn't take long and I was 5kg down.  I moved, started uni, and started work and in the process lost another 5kg over 6mths.  Another 5kg came off in the next 6mths due to stress - my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away, I decided that was a great time to kick my partner out as well!  I came to my senses within 3mths I had gained back my weight and was settled nicely at 60kg which is where I was when I started this program.  I have lost 2.5kg so far, half in the pre-season so accordign to my stats I am only 1.1kg down!  The scales have had me as low as 56.7kg but I had bounced back up by weigh in day and I am now seeing a gradual increase. 

Now.. back to the why...
I don't like being chubby!  I want to fit and healthy and have a good life.  I hate that I am so dependent on food to get me through stressful situations.  I hate that I fall back into lazy habits and get take-out when I have a fridge full of food.  I want a 'better' life.  I want to be proud of who I am!  I want people to look at me and see that I respect myself and deserve that respect!  I want to be disciplined - I want to be a woman of my word (which I haven't been so far in this challenge!).

So there you go.. that is who I am.

Week 6 (Tuesday) Questions????

Am I doing the right thing?

Is giving myself the mental space to complete my thesis over the next few days a smart, kind thing to do for myself?  Am I really that delicate that I can't give achieve more then one goal at once?  Is it just an excuse to be lazy?  I am beginning to think so.

Just how much time and mental thought does this take?

Do I need to save up my willpower muscle to get my thesis done rather then to control my eating?

Now that excuse is ringing so true for me.  Even as I type this my head went 'bing - nicely justified!'.

So is it a reasonable justification or not?

I guess we will see.

Off to an appointment for now, and then I am picking up some healthy food for today!

Week 6 (Monday) Last Week of Excuses.

So this week is my last week of thesis writing.  My last excuse is almost over!

I just realised I missed my run this afternoon, and because I was writing.  Yet this morning I faffed about watching tv instead of writing.  I really need to lock myself in a room to do this and just get it done!  No tv, no internet, no chocolate - just thinking space! 
I am disappointed in myself as I haven't been a women of my word.  I havne't stuck to the plan and I have allowed myself to use my thesis writing as an excuse when in fact it was simply my laziness.  I've only been doing my running - no strength work and my yoga only happened once.  I am concentrating on the positives though - I am doing the running consistently, and learning to swim, and I am very very very slowly losing some weight.  I feel better and healthier - but I know I could do better!

I will allow myself this last week to get myself in order and then I will have the remainder of my time to really kick butt and earn my shirt (if it ever arrives!). 

Off I go to write and no procrastinating.  I will finish it asap so I can get back to my health and well-being so I get the most out of the program in the time I have left!

Week 5 (Sunday) The Pink Ribbon Fun Run

OMG!  I did it!  Time for this run was 29mins 49secs --> Under 30mins!  Yey!


Unfortunatly no photos as apparently getting the kids up and out of the house by 7am is impossible so I went all by lonesome.  I was a bit disapointed as I was really hoping to have someone there for me - it feels a bit odd to be the only one there who doesn't know anyone or have someone to cheer them on!

But anyways, on to the run!  I woke up around 6.30am and got dressed, had a cuppa and an egg on toast - and had my fingers crossed I wouldn't get a stitch from eating! lol  It was pretty cool tying on the the little timing chip to my shoe as I've never used one before!  All lined up and ready to go and boy to do I hate the waiting!  We had to listen to all the fluff and carry on as per usual and then all of a sudden it was 3-2-1 go.  I took my time wondering up to the start line and off I went.  It was super crowded and most of the time I was dodging people.  I have learnt to dispise people who run four across and take up the whole pathway - manner anyone?  What was odd though, I spent the first part of the race almost in tears - I don't know why but I had this kind of 'I'm doing it' feeling.  I wasn't at the back of the pack, I was passing people who were normally way ahead of me.  I was running!  The course was fantastic until we hit the 'hill', I reckon it should be renamed 'torture hill'.  It wasn't that long but man it was steep.  I was actually talking aloud to myself: "just keep moving", over and over again.  At the top of the hill was a second check point with water, I grabbed the water and asked the ladies there "who put that hill there?  That was mean!" lol  But oh man, did it feel good to run down the other side.  The weather was warming up though and I was running out of puff for the end, I think I kept up a good pace but I wasn't able to pass the other two ladies who were running just ahead of me. Every time I came close, they sped up! lol  I was exhausted as I crossed the finish line and was actually a bit light-headed as I did my cool-down walk.  I put some water on my face to cool down and put my head down between my legs (I pretended I was stretching!) and I started to feel a bit better. 

I handed in my timing chip and headed home, a little disappointed that once again there was no way to find out the time I ran, even approximatly until they put the results up online.  But it was a good race.. about 250 people which is awesome for a small central queensland city!  so stay tuned for an update on the time.  I will be soooo happy if I managed to get in under 30mins but I don't know with that whopping huge hill if the course allowed for a PB!

Now, I have to note what a huge acheivement this has been for me.  Earlier this year I decided to learn to run and started the c25k program.  A few weeks in I saw an add on tv for the race series and decided to have a go.  That was huge for me.. to go somewhere new, by myself, and then put myself way out there by competing.  My first time was about 38mins, and my second race, 32mins.  My goal this year was to complete 3 races and today I did that.  It is so much then being about increasing my race time though.  It is the fact that I kept going.  It wasn't a fad that I did for a few months, but a whole lifestyle change.  By commiting to the long term goal of 3 races and achieving that I have shown myself that I can be consistent, that I can train long-term for something and not just do something on a whim.

Funnily enough, there is another race (6km) coming up in 2 weeks... trying to decide if I should do it or not as it is the day before my final talk.  lol It might be good for stress releif!

Well, speaking of uni, I need to get in and get my work done today so I can relax a bit later!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Week 5 (Saturday) Swimming Etc

Swimming lesson again this morning!

8am I rocked up, rearing to go!  I remembered not to eat heavily before going so I had eaten 2 peices of toast with a slight smidgeon of butter and my cuppa at 7am. 

I jumped in for my swim, relishing the fact that it was sunny and NOT windy!  The water was just nice - a little chilly at first but perfect after 30secs of adjustment!  My first warm up lap I just waded and kept my head up and then freestyle back.  I had to do a few laps before I managed to get a full 25m lap without stopping.  It seems to take a bit for my lungs to warm up.  Then after half an hour we switched to breaststroke and I was quite happy that I was getting comfortable with it and making it about half way down the pool before stopping.  Then Mon says 'a full lap please'!  lol My head said 'no way' but I had a crack at it anyway.  Lo and behold, I did it!  So I can now do a full lap of breaststroke. 

While I was on a high I was told to do a couple of laps of freestyle and of course they seemed easy the breaststroke and although I had a break between laps, I managed two in a row without stopping.  I do have to watch my legs as I tend to bend them to kick myself out of the water when I breathe, which of course makes it harder to breathe! lol

I am learning to do butterfly kicking now and I had four laps with the kickboard.  Towards the end I changed from thinking that I was moving like a dolphin to moving like a mermaid and it seemed a bit easier then! So from now on I will be picturing Arial moving through the water in "The little Mermaid" as my focus for my butterfly kicking - much more graceful then a human pretending to be a dolphin (aka Rob Schneider in "The Animal").

I finished up with another lap of freestyle  and then just a bit of relaxing and chatting before heading off.  I am always sad at the end of the lesson and today I am also very sore!  My crappy eating this week has drained my energy resources and I am really feeling it!  My legs and my shoulders are aching already with my tummy muscles also complaining a little by playing with my digestive tract (lol it makes me burp!) and of course, my nose is now running like a tap in spite of taking my hayfever meds this morning!

But it is oh so worth it!

And now to get to work with my due date a week away!  I spent last night fixing up my graphs which I will finish off now, and then on to the final work on my lit review.  I will send that off tonight and before bed I will go through my discussion and do a quick re-structure.  Tomorrows focus will be getting what I have done complete and working on doing a another lot of correlations.

OH, and today, at lunch time, I need to pop up and get my race pack for tomorrow morning!  yey!


Heading off to start my work now!  Catch you all tomorrow with an update from my run!

A quick update before I head off to bed!  I have my running bib and shoe tag for tomorrows run which I am hugely excited about but I am even more pleased to say that I finally got my lit review done and dusted and sent off for final edits!  So happy.  Just my discussion left to do now so I will start that once I finish my run!  Sigh, now to pack up my huge pile of research papers (I have like 550 papers printed out - no wonder I have run out of ink a hundred times this year! lol) and get my bed ready for sleeping!  yey!

Jeni

Week 5 (Thursday) Getting back to normal!

Kids are back at school today so I should be able to get some work done today.  I have 2 lost days to catch up on though!  I'm going to break down my tasks into smaller ones to help me get through and reward myself throughout the day.

At 9.45am I will write up 2 pages of my thesis. 
When that is complete I shall reward myself by having some strawberries and yogurt for morning tea and doing my nails!
Next I will do 2 pages of my thesis.
I have a frozen meal for lunch  and then I will do some yoga.
another two pages of my thesis
After that I wll give myself a good break to watch some tv, prepare dinner and do some housework.
Another two pages of my thesis before bed at which point I will send it off for editing!

I do have a few m&m's for snacking on but I have had  a light breakfast so they will fit in the calorie allowence.  If I do good, I will go for a run before dinner!

The worst day ever!

The last few days have been crappy - really crappy and today is just craptacular!

So I woke up to kids being sick again.  I thought DH would take the day off work given I had such a bad day with them yesterday and got nothing done.  But no, I was woken up to a 'what should do I, send them to school or not', and I was like 'im not even awake yet, use your own brain for once'.  So he rings up work and instead of saying 'i can't come in today' he says 'would you guys be able to manage without me' - well of course they are gonna say no.  So then he comes back into me and asks again 'should I send them to school' and I was soo angry at this point.  I said, I cannot look after so you're gonna have to, but make sure you give them your mobile number as I am not picking them up from school when they end up puking.  DH then chucks a huge spack so I so 'f it, I will have to stay home and look after them - f I wish you would grow some balls.'  He seriously doesn't get why I am so pissed off.  So anyway, kids sick I still have to go into my appointment at 10am so off I toddle only to get told that he didn't even bother with edits becuase he didn't follow it - i had no introduction blah blah - and I was like, yeah.. I do the introduction last when I figure out what I am saying' and I got a blank look and told that that was a stupid way of doing it.  So I just packed up and came home.  I've added an introduction and made some changes to see if I understood but I have to wait until he gets back to me.  No-one has ever critised my writing before - the opposite in fact.  I am a good writer and I explain things well.  I swear this guy is a knob with no friggen idea what he is talking about.    He told me the wrong way to do the stats, insisted I do the wrong thing over and over, and dont' even get started on how he explained the maths.  He keeps giving me references which have nothing to do with what I am researching and he wants me to do everything his way.  he has told me not to use the majority of my own results unless they matched 'his results', told me not to acknowledge that I used his data and so much more.  I am so angry right now and I have no tiem to fix things - thanks to his incompetence, my research took twice as long as it was meant to, and I only got my results 3 weeks ago, and the final results one week ago - so that left me 1-2 weeks to write my thesis.  That is fine if you've no children, gettign paid, and a wife at home to do everything - but not when you've got three kids with special needs, no way to pay for childcare, a husband who only works part-time and crap load of bad luck. 

I've just lost all my confidence.  I'm walking around on the verge of tears, cranky at my partner, yelling at the kids to just leave me alone and let me work, and yet not getting any work done because I am second guessing everything I do.

I just want my confidence back!  Man, I hope my period gets here soon so I can at least look forward to an improvement in my coping ability!

Week 5 (Wednesday) Is that TOTM again?

I think it must be around the corner (TOTM stands for that time of the month).

I've had the worst day yesterday, and today is set to be a humdinger as well.  Three kids home sick, thesis to write, fight with hubby who can't seem to ring up and say "I can't work" but instead rings up to ask 'if they can cope without him today' to which they of course said no.  So much for support for getting my Honours done and dusted.

Yesterdays failures:

• the list didn't get done
• my supervisor turned up late for my appt.
• my thesis didn't get touched (except for editing my results section)
• my 11yo boy threw the tantrum from hell and I just didn't cope at all.
• I ate take out noodle box stuff until my stomach was so full I was ready to vomit!
• Plus chocolate.
• plus late night so now I am tired.

Today I am going to:

• meet with supervisor
• write 5 pages of my thesis
• use my 10 min breaks to do housework.. whatever I can, it doesn't matter.
• Have a nap at 2pm
• run 5k this afternoon.

Now week one or two was my last period so I am expected it to turn up again soon.  I kinda really really hope so - at least then I have an excuse for feeling so stressed and tired.  Right now I am ready to kick the other half out my life as I honestly reckon life would be so much easier without him - just not yet!  lol I need his cooking and wiping up after dinner (all the housework he does) until I get this done!

OH wiegh in was 57.7kg so up a kilo since saturday!  Was better then I expected given my track record this week!

Week 5 (Tuesday) I like Lists!

Well yesterday was great!  My list helped so much! 

So I am going to do it again!

So far today I have:

• Had breakfast (egg on toast no butter)
• Stacked dishwasher and wiped down sink and bench
• Put on a load of washing
• Made my bed
• Had my forum time and wrote in my blog!
• Chicken out to defrost for dinner

Left to do:

• Meeting at uni
• Quick shop for a few things
• write at least 5 pages on my thesis (IL-6 results today)
• Do edits on results page (still need to go to uni to edit graphs and put them in)
• clear dining table ready for work
• hang out washing
• bring in, fold and put away some washing
• Chicken noodle soup for dinner tonight
• Mow the lawn out the front.

Okay, so that is HEAPS to do but hopefully I will get through it all.  The mowing is my exercise - I will put on my hrm and see how many cals I burn! lol  Okay, need to get to it so I head off to my meeting now and report back in as I go!

Hopefully I won't eat too much crap today! lol

Week 5 (Monday) Keep on Keeping On

I'm soldering on.

That is about it.  I have my 500ml of water beside.. which I will drink after my second cuppa tea and some oats for breakfast.  So far today I have:

• Made my bed
• Swept the dining room and cleared the table
• Gave kids cereal for breakfast
• Stacked the dishwasher and wiped down the sink
• Put on some washing.. my sports gear
• Had my forum time
• and now posted on my blog..

My goal list for today

• Write up at least 5 pages of my thesis
• Eat breakfast
• Hang out my washing
• Put on a load of towels
• Bring in some washing and fold (the line is full already so lots to do!)
• Make up morning tea and lunch, plan dinner, and clean up as I go.
• Call the post office and get my parcel re-directed
• Run at least 5kms - maybe do a fast one tonight followed by some good stretching time.

I'm tired - I am so stressed about my thesis that I am having trouble sleeping.  My nose is runny and yuk, I need to take my anti-histamine today.  It's a pupil free day (at least I don't have to shower and dress to take kids to school and pick them up!) and we have 'friends' over whose parents work.

Yesterday I had a great day - I went to the beach wearing my two peice bathing suit - it actually fit me properly for the first time since I bought it! lol  I didn't have to pull the tankini down constantly (though it needed the occasional adjustment) and I felt awesome - so annoyed that dispite dropping hints the dufus head didnt' take any photos of me running around at the beach sans baggy shirt and short for the first time in ages!  Twas a great day and I am sure I came in under 1200 cals even though my diet consisted of egg and mushroom omlette for breakfast, chocolate cookies for lunch and KFC for dinner followed by cheap arse icecream with ice magic for dessert!  I just wasn't that hungry so didn't eat much of anything.  Oh, and yesterday morning, the scales declared that I was 56.7kg - the first time they have been in the 56kg range in two years!  It feels soo good!  Though I feel a bit guilty that I seem to be cheating so much but still getting losses - I guess I am running a great deal and being consistent with that and even though I am eating crap, I am not eating too much (bar the family block of chocolate but I burnt 600+ cals running that day!).  I need to eat better and then I will see better results on the scales... I really want to get to 55kg quick smart (like next week! lol).  Enough stuffing about - time to get to my to-do list and writing my thesis...

Have a great day everyone and smash it up!

Week 4 (Saturday) Under achievers Club

Okay, so I am munching down a chocolate at the moment (think family size block, turkish delight.. keep getting 2 peices then having to go get too more and then half an hour later sneaking a bit more... sigh).  But anyways...  I have decided to start an 'Under Acheivers Anonymous Club'.

The purpose of the club is to celebrate the small acheivments we make everyday so that we can stop focusing on what we are not acheiving.  It is so hard to value what we do when we see others doing so much more and so much better but as Mish says - it is not a competition.  All of us are starting our journeys at different places and have different paths to travel.  You wouldn't compare a runner doing a 5k run around a flat oval to someone with a disability biking up a mountain trail for 30mins so why compare yourself to others?

I know that myself, I am coming from a place that is very unique.  I have been dealing with agorophobia and a panic disorder for about 12yrs.  I consider myself recovered but still have my demons to face.  I am also studying full-time and at the tail end of completing my thesis, have three children (school age) who have speech and behaviorial issues, a husband who only works part-time 30hrs a week and has no idea on how to run a household, and I am incredibly isolated from family and friends.  But I am also quite fit having already completed the couch to 5k program - being able to run 5k is a huge advantage when trying to shed kilos!  And I have a generally positve personality.  I am sure you can see differences between my life and yours - of course you can - everyone is different.  I have it so easy in someways, harder in others - my journey is unique. 

Although the 12wbt is a 'one size fits all' program, it is not because the program works exactly the same for everyone - it is because the program is adjustable to suit your goals.  Remember right at the beginning when we were setting our goals and Mish talked about how they have to be realistic - it was quite hard trying to find that balance between what I could achieve and what I want to acheive.  But it is here and now that I am seeing the importance of this.  My goal is not to become some fitness freak - I want to run and I am, I want to lose weight and I am!

So although I am not acheiving everything I set out to and sticking to the plan exactly, I am still moving forward and for that I deserve a pat on the back.  I am not failing - I am not giving up.

So for those who wish to join the "Under Acheivers Anonymous Club' our first task is to write a list of what we have done, what we have learnt, and what we have acheived so far on this challenge - no matter how small or incidental that might be.

1. I have taken up swimming and can now manage to swim freestyle for a whole lap, and am learning backstroke, breaststroke, and butterfly (kinda lol).  Just signing up was a huge deal for me!

2. I have been running consistently three times a week (I missed one run) and have increased my saturday run to 7km (I am hoping that I will be able to do 10km tonight as my mini milestone).  My times have improved greatly and I my heartrate is steady at a much lower rate then before.

3. I have lost 2.5kg so far, although I have gone up and down a bit, I started the pre-challenge at around 60kg and am now in the 57kg range.  I can see the change in my body and tonight I will do my measurements and hopefully see those centermeters lost.  My clothes feel heaps better anyway!

4. I have tried new foods - I have even eaten a banana which is was a huge food aversion for me!  I am eating breakfast and went the first three weeks without visiting a take-out.  I have been cooking and developed a love for mountain bread!  I spent a whole week on the meal plan without diverting and have been eating 50% of the meals from the plan since then.  And I have resisted chocolate on numerous occasions!

5. I have been helpful and supportive to others on the forums.  And thankyou to those who have sent pm's or responded on my blog as it truely is the most wonderful feeling to have someone say such lovely things and to be encouraging, and to give great advice as well!  The forum and these blogs are wonderful!

Second task for the 'Under Acheivers Anonymous Club'.. write down 3 mini-goals for the week that are achieveable, consistent with your goals, and that will make you feel good!

1. Prepare and drink a 500mL bottle of water each day.  Water is huge deal for me as I am soo fussy about it.  I have a fantastic water bottle (BPA free) and I should be using it.. So I will.  This will be a hard one for me to do but I know that I can do it.  Back up plan is to buy bottled water.. :)

2. Do my Yoga on Friday.  I need to do my yoga - flexibility and core strength are not good and this will go a long way to improving my goal of a flat bikini ready body at the end of the challenge.

3. Print up a mini-poster to stick on my dresser table where I can see it every morning when I wake up.  It will have a picture of a pair of bikinis and a nice summery beach body and a saying.. I am not sure what yet.. but something to motivate me to eat well and live well.

Now to acheive them!

Week 4 (Friday) Oh Crappers.

So I didn't end up doing any toning yesterday, or my yoga dvd today.

I have had shocking indigestion the last two days.  From eating too much!  Or maybe it was just the potato chips and choc chips I was munching on after lunch, and the sizzlers 'salad bar' I ate today, followed by more potato chips and 4 party sausage rolls.

Studying (or procrastinating about studying) is not condusive to good health.

Week 4 (Day 25) The Slippery Slope

Well, you have seen it happening in the blog.. me sliding down the slippery slope away from my goals, away from the 12wbt meal plan and exercise plan.  It started with a chocolate bar and ended up with a day with three meals bought from maccas - including a chocolate sundae.  I've only been doing my runs for exercise - the toning and stretching haven't been happening.

So, now my lab work is over, I have a little time to re-focus!  Yesterday was spent re-doing this weeks meal plan and doing a quick shop.  I feel so much better already!  Just knowing I have a plan is so invigorating! I still need to work out a plan for doing my toning - I really have a mental block there.  The ab work - yeah, I can see a goal there, but the other stuff.. meh. 

I have a few plans but I will go through them a little at a time as I now need to get stuck into my thesis writing for today!

I will make an hour for exercising today!

Week 3 (Day 21) Thesis Writing - Nearly Done

Okay, so I am not nearly done! 
But I have a week to finish the lab work and write my thesis, then a week for edits before printing.

So I am accepting that the next 2 weeks will be priority thesis and not 12wbt.  I will be doing my running as per usual but my toning and stretching days seem to have disappeared and I don't have the mental energy to apply to it right now.  Once I get the bulk of the work done I will get back into this but for now, I am going to focus on my work.

My diet has pretty much gone to shit - I've had a stomach bug which has had me barely eating so I've been picking at crap rather then planning meals.  My partner has to cook and he has no idea on healthy even when I prepare everything (eg. he deep fried fish rather then pan-frying.. dufus head!).  So short of being a cow and refusing to eat what he cooks, I have to suck it up for now.  I don't have time to plan all the meals, do the shopping, and cook everything, as well as make sure the ingredients are not eaten by the kids!

I'm feeling really frustrated to be honest.. I want this but I feel like my partner is just too useless to do anything right.  I mean, he cooks and cleans but does such a bad job that it would be easier to do it myself I think!  But how fair is it that I am studying full-time (will be working full-time in a couple of weeks) and still have to do the budgeting, organising kids therapy, meal planning, house cleaning (except for stacking the dishwasher and wiping down a quarter of the kitchen bench after dinner).. man, the lawns havn'et even been mown!  He works part-time, around 30hrs a week so is gone from 9am to 3pm, but I am taking the kids to school and picking them up because his car doesn't have enough seats (I can't drive his car because it's an old crappy ute and I am too short!).  OH bah.. I am so whinging aren't I?

Okay, I need to get in and do my work now.  The sooner it is done, the sooner I can relax!

Week 3 (Day 18) Planning

The preseason task "organise and diarise' is taking on new meaning for me today!
I've decided to allow 30mins each morning to organise my day and list the things I need to do.  How stress relieving!  I am now sitting here knowing I have four minutes until I need to start work, I have tonights recipe printed off and ready to take home at lunch time (a whole hour!) for D to get ready for dinner, and I have time allotted to do everything I need to do - even exercise!  (I'm kinda cheating and just doing a 10min abs toning video during lunch but hey - its better then nothing!)

So food today:
special K with blueberries and a cuppa for breakfast
1/2 a forme yogurt with blueberries and 2 strawberries for morning tea
Lunch I will go home for so not sure what I will have
baked beans for afternoon tea
Dinner will be shepards pie

Exercise:
abs workout.

Week 3 (Day 17) Weigh In

57.8kg

Not what I wanted given the other day I had hit 57.5kg and bragged to the world! I must remember that the day after my long run is my low kg day!

So back to counting calories today!

special K chocolatey bar (88cals)
Forme yogurt (69cals)
3 strawberries and some blueberries (30cals)
150g tin of baked beans (110cals)
Lasagne for lunch (from 12wbt) (275 cals)
2nd special K chocolatey bar (88cals)
bbq mushroom cabiatta biggest loser pizzer (3/4 plus a bit of meatlovers) (400cals)
I have a weight watchers icecream for after though (100cals)
and have still enough calories for an apple or an hot chocolate.

Way over on the carbs, way under on the protein though calorie king didn't have the details on the lasagna, but any protein with that was probably offset by even more carbs!  I need to start getting that balance right!  But I am very happy that I am, or will be, at nice 250 - 300 cals in deficit today!

I feel so much more in control!

Exercise.. today is 5km run - but I am going to go backwards today to mix up the hills!
I nearly forgot to do this but it was so much fun I think I might do it again!

Time to work on thesis!  I hardly got anything done today.. big effort required tomorrow!

Week 3 (Day 16) Obstacles!

My biggest Obstacle:  Me!

So, I was going to make this a great big whinge post.  My horrid husband decided to deep-fry the fish for dinner tonight, the rat-tat-too-ee (no, I cannot spell it) didn't taste nice at all, my son has been having a REALLY bad day behaviour wise, I have a meeting with my supervisor tomorrow where I need to bring up an issue with my 'co-supervisor', I am meant to have my lit review draft done but I am procrastinating, and I need to do up a story board on Cam's communication computer so he can tell the class about his holidays and going to the beach and learning to ride his bike!

Instead I will now admit:
1. I didn't bother to follow up when D asked what we were having for dinner tonight so the fish didn't have time defrost properly.  I also didn't find the Basil for D when he looked at me vaguely earlier when I said he needed to put it in.. He did try, but I should know that he just doesn't get a lot of things in the kitchen as yet.
2. I did get the rat-tat-too-ee on early this afternoon and planned it well but eggplant just doesn't seem to be my thing.  
3. I've been procrastinating about my lit review forever.  I just need to do it.
4. I didn't exercise today because I didn't feel like it.  I could have made the time.
5. I blamed D for Dyllan's behavior today.  I need to step up and do some more stuff around the house and take more responsibility.  I can't keep saying 'when my Honours is done'.
6.  I love Cam, I should love him enough to take an hour to do some work on his communication.  He needs to be in speech therapy but I haven't even got the referral yet for private therapy because I am scared I can't afford it.  And yet I can afford this, and a bike, and I was planning on getting gym membership - something else that was put in the 'when I finish my Honours' basket.
7. I have no reason to stress about my meeting tomorrow.  I only have to make sure I have a few documents with me so I inform her of what is going on and it is up to her as to how she deals with it.
8.  I have conjuctivitis, I feel like crap but not that bad.  I need to suck it up and do some work.

Okay so now I am going to go do some stuff.

Week 3 (Day 15) Acceptance

I'm not throwing in the towel, I am accepting my present limitations. 

The first week of course I was all gung-ho and did it perfectly but the second week was a major fizzler.  Week three is going to be all about acceptance and adjustments!  I cannot stick to the meal plan exactly, I have a family to feed, and am way too busy to cook seperate meals.  So I am adjusting the way we eat as a family.  Healthy lean meats plus vegies or salads and then carbs for dinner for the boys but not me.  I have my carbs at lunch so I have the energy for my exercise and to make it through the 3pm slump (carbs are of course as complex as possible! lol).  I'm not going to give up, but I need to learn to solder on even when the excitement and gloss has worn off.  This is gonna be the rest of my life so I need habits, not motivation!

My running is going great - I'm finally increasing my distance and finding I can run faster on the shorter runs now which is what I was aiming at.  One thing I have learnt is that to acheive something you have to push the boundaries.  In order to increase my 5k speed, I have had to run further and further rather then just keep repeating the same 5k over and over.  I need to try and get some speed intervals happening this week too!

Food:
special K with low fat milk and blueberries
cuppa tea
sandwich with roast lamb from last night, mustard, tomato and snow pea sprouts
500ml of water
I've got a 150g tub of baked beans for afternoon tea
and dinner will be home-made pizza

Exercise:
I have a fast 5k run planned for 5pm this afternoon!

Week 2 (Day 13) Swimming - I did it!

Success!

I swam a lap of the pool, not just once, but four times - in a row!

I got it!  I needed to blow 'big' bubbles and it just worked!

I had a go at breaststroke as well which was interesting! And I think swapping the strokes helped overcome that mental barrier about freestyle as well.  Thankfully my basic stroke is okay so I should be able to just cruise it on in from here!

oh.. 250 calories burnt in the hour!  Yey!

I'm gonna ride my pushie into uni now and do some work on my thesis, then pushie on back and do my 7km run this afternoon.  The kids are heading to the beach with their pushies - so jealous!  But given I have managed to score a nice tan in the hour I was swimming at 8am this morning I am kinda thinking I would get crispified at the beach today!  lol I am lucky enough to brown easily but I do get red if I push it!

I am soo on a high!  I feel so good that I finally conquered that lap!

I will up date with further calories burnt as I go!

Food:
apple
cuppa tea
egg on toast
another cuppa
and another apple
wholegrain bread sandwich with corn relish, ham (40g), snow pea sprouts and cucumber
small tin of baked beans
cuppa tea
slice of chicken - with lemon and basil - with sweet potato and zucchini for the vegies.

Exercise:
push bike - didn't wear hrm so no idea but about 5ks all up
swimming - 250cals (as mentioned earlier)
Running (7km) - 430 cals

Week 2 (Day 11) It's not working.

The kicks up the bum I've been giving myself that is!

I am writing this at nearly 11pm at night.  I have only stopped to go to bed.  I woke at 8am after being at uni until 11.30pm last night.  I got dressed, took kids to childcare, got to uni, found out my experiments are stuffed, I have to redo my last one (so the last week of work has been a waste). I met up with a friend I haven't seen in 6mths for a few hours and then had to rush to meeting with supervisor. Got home at 4pm and sat at the computer and havne't budged.
Today I have eaten:
special K with milk and cuppa tea
half a small fried rice
a be natural muesli bar (120cals)
a weight watcher potato bake thing
a peice of crumbed fish (small and diet type)
weight watchers icecream sundae (100cals thereabouts)

oh, and half a new type of cherry ripe bar...

I'm not even gonna bother calorie counting it.
I didn't exercise either.

On a plus the scales had me at 57.8kg this morning which puts me at exactly 1kg lost in 2 weeks.

I'm not happy though - i'm eating crap and not sticking to plan.. I don't see the stress getting any better either!  I will plan better tomorrow though and will see if I can turn this around!

Week 2 (Day 10) Distractions

So this is it.

Today is the day I must choose.
I can see myself veering off the path I am on and I need to acknowledge that and get back on that path before I get sucked in the downward spiral.

It started with the chocolate the other day, and then the pizza. 
And then yesterday I was fine until dinner again - double servings for me, PLUS a red mars bar.  AND I didnt' do my exercise.

Now, I am stressed.  Really stressed.  I am tired.. so tired, but am having trouble sleeping.  My Honours is taking me into some weird hours- I was up till 11pm last night, had to be at the lab from 7.30am to 12noon this morning.  I need to go back at 10.30pm tonight for an hour, and then again tomorrow from 9am to noon.  But then that is it until next week.  But I have about 40pages of my Thesis to write up in the next few weeks. 

I feel so overwelmed with what I have to do.  I am concerned because I've lost faith in my supervisor in how he is instructing me to do my research, especially with the statistics and some of the writing aspects as well.  I need to go over his head and talk to someone now, before it is too late, and that is scary!  I am so late in getting me results, the other two students are way ahead in their progress.. I am worried, scared and stressed.  I don't know if I can do this.

The house is a mess, the kids are not being looked after properly as I am relying on my partner to do most things (who would have thought I would have to explain to him that the kids really do need to brush their teeth each night!), and I just feel like everything is falling down around me - including me.

I will go for my run tonight - I damn well need the stress relief.

I may stray off the path but I will acknowledge it when I do, and I will move back onto my path!

Week 2 (Day 9) Confessions

Do I need to confess?

Well, I need to be accountable to myself and the purpose of the blog is to share my journey and that journey includes the internal battles that go on.  So now I shall open up my life and share some horrid things I did last night!!

My neice came to visit last night!  I haven't seen her in two or three years and she now has a little girl who is two.  Dave decided to get pizza take-out (he misunderstood me saying 'pizza night!') which I figured was okay as I hadn't had snacks so the 380cals for a biggest loser pizza was bareable. All went fine... I had nibbled at a few chocolate shavings but nothing constituting anything of substance - more a tasting.  I was happy with my pizza.. I ate it and it was so delicious!  And then I got the 'keep eating' urge that I always get but this time.. there was pizza in front of me and I indulged.  I had a peice (albeit a small one) of meatlovers pizza, and then followed it with two peices of garlic bread.  I decided against the spirte figuring I had better not push the limits too far!  I reckon I ate an extra 500 calories on top of the 380cals I had allowed for dinner.  Now, I had had special K for breakfast with low fat milk, half a serve of yogurt with blueberries for morning tea, and an egg and lettuce sandwich for lunch, two cuppa teas, and a hot chocolate (the 60cal type).  So all up I didn't blow out too bad, probably more a 'call it even' day, but I have lost the opportunity to lose more weight!

I got cocky - I know I hit 58.0kg on the scales that morning and lo and behold I 'deserve' a treat, or 'it doesn't matter, I know I've lost some'. 

On a more positive note, I did my 'quick' 20min run last night and got my 1km time down to 6:39 as the average.  Need to shave a bit more off though... I need to practice running at 6mins per kilometer if I am going to get a 5k in 30mins!

Food diary:
two x cuppa tea
going for some special K now... (late breakfast!)

Week 2 (Day 8) Competition

The forum for the 12wbt is an awesome resource.  It allows connection and support.  A sense of family prevails with encouragement, knowledge, and motivation in bucket loads.  But along with it comes one of my weaknesses.  A sense of competition and jealousy.  This is a side of myself I have battled with for years, probably based somewhere in fear - fear of social rejection, fear of failing, fear of anything and everything!  It also seems to extend into the feeling of 'If I can't do it perfectly then why do it at all' because, afterall, if I am not the best then surely I am failing?

So I read how someone has burnt 2000 or 3000 calories in a session and I immediately think 'okay, well that has to be over a few hours!'  which it probably is, but why can't my first thought be 'wow that is awesome'.  Maybe it is because I can't 'see' the person and feel that emotional connection, but in all honesty, its because I feel inadequate.  It shatters my own sense of success when I hear of others succeeding in much better style then myself.  I haven't managed numbers anywhere near that. 

I tell myself different things to ease my feeling of inadequacy - 'slow and steady wins the race' 'they must be bigger and less fit then me so they burn more calories' 'they mustn't have work or study to get done' or even 'maybe they are fiddling the numbers or doing it over a few hours or something!'  Anything to face the reality that they are just doing more then I am because they have chosen it and I haven't.

Why didn't I choose it?  I only have 8kg of fat to lose (add in some muscle in there though so it will probably only be 6kg all up) so I don't need to pull huge numbers.  I don't want to burn myself out by pushing too hard.  I don't want to set myself up to fail by expecting too much of myself when I already have a lot of other commitments.  And I dont' even know if it is possible for me, as I am already quite fit, to burn that many calories in an hour or two.

I should be, and will be, happy with the numbers I pull for myself.  I am the only one on my journey, the only one in my body, living my life.  It is up to me to choose what is right for me at this time in my life and I am not 'comparable' to anyone else.  So stop comparing and just do what you need to do.

Day 7

And week one ends on a mellow note!

Food diary:
Special K with LSA and physical Milk
all-natural muesli bar (100cals)
minestrone soup plus a peice of w/grain bread
yogurt with blueberries and strawberries
handful of bbq chips (120cals)
Prawns are marinating at the moment for dinner

Exercise - incidental only (54 stairs up and down twice! and walking around uni to lab and carpark)

Honours:
I've finally got to the point where I have to focus on my lit review.  The stress is sufficient that I must do it and do it now!  I need to hand it in for editing on Friday but I also wanted my results page done by then also so Thursday is now my cut off day!  I've spent today fixing up a lot of what I have which has been great but tonight I am going to attack some new territory!  I have a busy week ahead so need to get as much done as possible tonight!  I'm gonna do some planning for the week now and then get back into it!

It's a Super Saturday... FLOP!

Normally, right now, I would posting about my adventures learning to swim but alas today is a flop.  It is POURING, not just raining... POURING!  So I took the opportunity to get out early for my grocery shop which is always a good thing given the overcrowding at our local shopping centre on a Saturday morning!  Being early and raining meant it was 'normal' at 9am but my 10am, by gosh it was getting busy!  So glad to be heading out and not in, at that time!

So I don't know if my run will be on this afternoon, storms are predicted so I figure it will only get worse.  I might just get in and do some sparkpeople 10min cardio vids and see how I go (the jumping one is a killer!)!

Now, due to rain, I've been unable to get my 1km time trial done so I am going to do what I should have done anyway (because it is more in line with my goals) and take my mins/km run speed from my last run from runkeeper.  It breaks up my run into each kilometer and the time it took to run it which is really convenient for this!  In the absence of a better option I feel this is what I shall have to do!

On a brighter note... scales this morning said 58.2kg!  whoo whoot!

Food Diary:

egg on toast
yogurt (1/2 serve) with blueberries and strawberries!

jarrah hot chocolatte with about 30mL of physical milk added

wrap with corn relish, lettuce, 40g chicken, leftover cottage cheese, 1 roma tomato and some lebanese cucumber.

billabong icecream (80cals.. wtf?  Awesomeness)

ministrone soup is cooking for dinner tonight (via slow cooker)!

.... which I have now eaten with a piece of parmasan bread (aka sizzler bread!).
another hot choc and a mini tin of baked beans at about 10pm as I was up watching a movie!

Exercise.. I ended up going for my run as the rain had eased to spitting by 4pm.  I did the 45mins minimum recommended for today and managed a nice 6km in that time!  I just cruised along today too so I am pretty impressed... 374 calories burnt in 47mins!

My adventures in Yoga!

And what an adventure it was.

I decided to stick with the program and do light exercise on Fridays - Yoga.
Flexibility is one of my goals - I love that feeling of freedom that comes from movement, and if you aren't flexible.. there ain't much movement going on!  I used to be able to do the splits and cartwheels and kick my leg a mile in the air but alas, I now cannot even cross my legs.

My adventure began early today with a trip to BigW to pick up a cheap yoga pack - dvd, mat, block, and belt.  I have to say, surely there could have been an option other then pink???  Needless to say, before I adventure into a public setting for my yoga, I will be updating with the stuff I have seen at kmart I think, which as a nice 'greenie/ethical' feel to it, in both style and substance (though I will check this as often stuff advertised as 'green or ethically produced' is just a marketing scam!).  $30 later I head home.

I throw the dvd in the computer, mat on the floor, block and belt in hand and begin.  Sit comfortably they say - ummm... first obstacle.  Remember a few sentence back when I said I couldn't cross my legs.. I meant it!  So 'comfortable' was one leg out, one leg bent.  That was fine until the next move - lift you left foot onto your right thigh.. umm... nope, not gonna happen.  I did my best.

The next move however.. lie on your side, knees bent, arms out, bring one arm up and over your body and, while keeping hips facing sideways, try and rest your shoulder blade to the ground.  The instructor reassured me that this is something to aim for and that I might not achieve.  Well, lo and behold, I breathe, relax and easily find the pose.  Quite a few came very easily, some not so easily.  My back is very flexible it seems, but hips/upper legs are not. 

I would like to sit cross-legged without my knee being up at shoulder level (my left knee really does sit up that high! my right is fine!).

I got through the half hour and really enjoyed it.  Some of the poses were quite hard, but it was so wonderful to find that some of them I could do, even if I did have to work at it!

DAY 5 - YOGA DAY

Eating to plan.. mostly!  I think I had an extra serve of yogurt and berries yesterday because I was hungry before bed.

I am down today - my eldest son had a bad morning (which I have conveniently blamed on their father who decided to let them have a late night last night) and I just haven't recovered.

I bought a yoga dvd and topped up the shopping so I am off to do my yoga before have grape and chicken salad.. mmmmm interesting!

Hopefully the day gets better without me having to resort to chocolate!

Food diary today:
special K w/ strawberries and blueberries
yogurt w/strawberries and blueberries
cuppa tea
chicken, grape, feta and walnut salad
Lasagna (used 100g extra meat, one less pasta sheet and only a tiny bit of parmasan cheese)
one red mars bar (sob sob)
small tin of baked beans.

Exercise
30mins yoga


Edit at 1.15pm - Day is not getting better - had to pick up children from care as eldest was not able to co-operate with staff.  Little ones are in cleaning their room, eldest is sulking in lounge with no tv, x-box or computer.